themutedtrumpet @ themutedtrumpet @slrpnk.net

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Joined

4 mo. ago

Any time I have been stupid enough to go inpatient has only traumatized me more. I still have nightmares. I went in December, was misgendered repeatedly, physically assaulted. When they let me out, I hadn’t even spoken to a treatment team. They didn’t even give me a work release form, so I got fired and lost the health insurance and money that was allowing me to see my therapist then. All I got was more things to have nightmares about. I would rather be dead than in inpatient care. There is no protection from sexual or physical assault in inpatient care. Being gone from work for a few days now would probably put me on the streets.

Me: “wants to talk about the absolute fucking fear and terror I’m feeling”

Then: “on a scale of 1 to 5, how are you feeling today?”

All therapists are good for is sexually abusing you when you are a powerless little kid anyway. No one cares.

The help line is unable to provide any help. They don’t hire therapists, they don’t hire trained people, they hire people with psych BAs that read a script and call the cops the second you go off of it.

But no one wants to hear this. Everyone wants to feel good about themselves when they post a 988 ad or say “there’s no stigma in asking for help.” But there is, 988 is a joke.

And yeah, maybe clogging the line is a good thing. Maybe it’s a good think that they can’t call the cops to have people in crisis summarily executed. Maybe I even saved a life, LOL.

ITT

😡 mentally ill person having a crisis is talking like a mentally ill person having a crisis 😡

There is no human empathy in the world. This is why I want to die. Reaching out for help is a fucking joke. I’ll just down another six pack so I can pass out again. Thanks!

Yeah, the current political situations where the Vice president of the United States is saying that people like me are terrorists has nothing to do with my mental health. The fact that I am terrified of saying anything about wanting to die because really, that’s all the do, is wait for you to say something that lets them end the call and call the cops.

I was in fucking crisis. I’m still in fucking crisis. There is no help. 988 is a fucking ad campaign and no one gives a shit. If I ever do get the courage I’ll shoot myself in front of vibrant headquarters and then maybe then someone will fucking listen.

I waited half an hour and got no one

The most important part is to never be hostile, you can’t be angry about being sexually assaulted in inpatient care or express any symptoms of ptsd or you deserve no sympathy and should just kill yourself.

It’s just the “opinion” of behavioral techs that tranny faggots should have the shit be beaten out of them and get raped, and it’s very important to respect that opinion. Any disrespect or anger means that the tranny faggot is a crazy who doesn’t deserve to have an opinion anymore.

Death seems so fucking nice. They can’t do worse if I’m dead.

You know what? I’ve been on hold with 988 for half an hour. Thrrr is not help. I should just kill myself. I’m done. I am so absolutely done. I can walk out on the street and stop hurting. I reached out to the people who are supposed to help and they are robots who read scripts and no one cares. No once cared about me. I want to die. I give up.

Yes. 988 where I live thinks that it’s an “opinion” that all trans people are terrorists. 988 reads a fucking script and calls the cops on you the second you go off script.

My intent is that I would LOVE HELP. I have reached out for help multiple times and not found it. Please tell me where I can get help and not be terrified and want to die anymore? Please tell me how I can find help where I’m not terrified of the “kindness” of having cops spirit me away to the fun place where they call me a girl and blow vape smoke in my face and rape me if I’m really unlucky.

“Appears to be” yeah how dare I reach out for help. I should be grateful for the “help” I got. I’m a huge ass fucking faker because I’m not brave enough to walk into traffic.

Being angry about being tortured and sexually abuse means that I don’t deserve help. That’s the consistent theme. Maybe I should just walk into traffic. There has been no help or empathy. Death at least would quiet everything down.

Do you think that I’m not in crisis right now? They made it illegal for tranny faggots to do the job I got my degree in and now they’re saying we’re all domestic terrorists. I don’t think I’m allowed to exist as a tranny faggot anymore and that’s pretty fucking traumatizing crisis mode shit. At least this time 988 didn’t calll the cops on me and subject me to a three on one beat down.

I’ve called lawyers LOL. Couldn’t find a lawyer to help me after my ex tortured me. There is no help here.

They told me they were the only person working and refused to talk to me because they needed to keep the line open.

LOL I wish I was brave enough to kill muself

Don’t worry, it’s been a full hour later and I got nothing.

I got a big ass bottle of glass etching cream on clearance a few years ago, and it’s so much fun to stencil random things on them. The sauce jars with more dimensionality/patterns are for brushes and pens!

Literally every step of this year long journey to get this facility investigated has been “you need to pay for a lawyer” from state agencies.

Like, I’m sorry, I thought sending kids home from school covered in unexplained bruises would be a crime? Like fuck, I’m working two jobs and can’t afford a fucking mattress, but I seem to be spending more time on the child protective things than the people who have salaries and health insurance for this? And you also want me to pay money?

I went there as a kid. They know who I am at this point.

CEO attempted a protective order on me, LOL. I’ve never spoken to her or been in her vicinity, but pathological liars going to do what they do best. It was really weird - I wasn’t notified or anything, just was checking to see what my court records looked like and I guess she tried something. When I have money I’ll have to go up to the court house and try to get a copy of whatever she said.