Sadly, this is not the Onion. !nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

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Man who tried to assassinate Reagan says ‘violence is not the way to go’

Man who tried to assassinate Reagan says ‘violence is not the way to go’

Sheriff: Teen shot, killed by deputy in Polk County after going into 'rage' about melted chocolate on his laptop

‘Violence is not the way to go’; John Hinckley Jr. in recent social media post

Democratic Senator Who Called Bitcoin An Ideal Choice For Criminals Found Guilty Of Accepting Bribes In Gold, Cash And Luxury Car

Red Velvet's Seulgi apologizes after facing backlash for swapping shoes with staff

Former CIA analyst Sue Mi indicted

Matt Gaetz and Kevin McCarthy's feud erupts at Republican convention

North Korean Envoy 'Drowned' in Moscow Pond: Reports

Albert the alligator's owner sues New York state agency in effort to be reunited with seized pet

Astronaut gives honest TripAdvisor review of living in space

Baby ‘saved from traffickers’ was borrowed by charity for photos

Butter made from CO2, not cows, tastes like ‘the real thing’, claims startup

Man skipped work for 6 years on full pay and was only found out after he was set to win an award

Once again, a motorist drives down a boat ramp into West Hawai‘i harbor

Whoopi Goldberg honored her mother at Disneyland in a way you’re really not supposed to

‘We are better than this:’ Officials call for end to violence, threats against linemen working to restore power

Why 'Twisters' Refuses to Mention Climate Change

‘I was drunk’: Ingrid Andress responds to criticism of national anthem performance

RNC security: Guns OK, tennis balls banned within rough footprint