Sadly, this is not the Onion. !nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

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NH House Candidate Hopes Voters Can Look Past His Murder Conviction

Scientists Thought This 300 Million-Year-Old ‘Blob’ Fossil Was A Jellyfish — Turns Out, They’d Just Been Looking At It Upside Down

Suspected drug-smuggling tunnel found in Tijuana is so long authorities don't have enough oxygen to reach other end

41% of People Believe Every Text “Needs” to Include an Emoji

Florida 'Squatter On Steroids' Convicted After Only 35 Minutes

Wake County mom accused of leaving kids in a hot car, feels child abuse charges excessive

Residents of Manchester’s tallest building object to new skyscrapers

Man cited for speeding through northeast Nebraska to get Raising Cane’s

Biden says kid gave him middle finger, recounting political rhetoric

Bronny James wins Call of Duty video game tournament at Summer League

Mexico ‘cancels’ statue of Greek god Poseidon after dispute with local deity

Dirty diaper resold on Amazon ruined a family business, report says

Taco Bell Is Opening An Early Retirement Community For The Old At Heart

Australian museum admits that ‘Picassos’ hanging in restroom are fake

Mexico ‘cancels’ statue of Greek god Poseidon after dispute with local deity

Police hunt mayor accused of being Chinese spy

Don’t name your kids ‘Bodoh’, ‘Skibidi’ or ‘Evil’, Malaysian agency tells parents

Euro 2024: England fan doesn't regret 'Euro winners' tattoo

Law enforcement warns of ‘hugging robbers’ in Southern California

England fan gets Euro 2024 winners tattoo BEFORE the final