The Onion and other satire w layers
With Autistic reporter Michael Falk
- • 95%www.thebeaverton.com Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporium
QUEEN'S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption.
- • 100%theonion.com Alarming Report Finds Nation’s Fuckers Now Have 83% More Nerve
ANN ARBOR, MI—Noting the rapid increase among assholes who just don’t know when to quit it, an alarming report published Thursday by the University of Michigan found that the nation’s fuckers now have 83% more nerve. “Based on our data, we can see that over the last year there has been a threefold r...
Excerpt:
>... said lead researcher Christo Garcia, confirming that the nation’s fuckers were already 65% less likely to screw off and jump up their own asses than they were even six months ago.
- • 98%www.theonion.com Environmentalists Warn U.S. Running Out Of Small Wooded Areas Where Buddies Can Smoke Up
WASHINGTON—In a sobering report on the impact of climate change and deforestation, U.S. environmentalists warned Monday that the nation was running out of small wooded areas where a group of buddies could smoke up. “Sadly, accelerating levels of industrialization have led us to a point where our nat...
- • 90%hard-drive.net The 20 Worst Games You Could Have Brought to This Desert Island That We're Stranded on, You Moron
When you told me that you managed to salvage the twenty video games you had on hand before our marooning, I was a little confused…
- • 92%thehardtimes.net Bully From Early Nineties Anti-Drug PSA Still Pushing Handfuls of Pre-Rolled Joints
Former junior high bully and antagonist of a 1990 anti-drug PSA Ryan Telley is reportedly still pushing handfuls of pre-rolled joints onto random people, befuddled sources confirmed.
- • 95%www.theonion.com Singer Adlibs Little Laugh At End Of Track To Signify Fun Time Was Had
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