2d ago

The great millennial garbage gyre

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How do young people meet new people these days? I met my husband while at work. Became official via Facebook status.
- I suspect that ordinary avenues for meeting friends in one's 30's is also available for meeting partners, only you have to acknowledge that most of the people you meet aren't going to be single/interested.
  I'm an extrovert. I talk to strangers in certain settings, especially where waiting around is normal. One of my best friends, I met in line waiting to get into a standup comedy show. I've met other friends in line for concerts and sporting events, too. I've also met friends sitting at the bar or some kind of communal table of a restaurant, and connected over the food itself. It just takes the boldness of asking for contact information and then texting "it was nice to meet you today, great talking to you" and then sometimes that becomes a friendship.
  But pure strangers are hard to connect with in one interaction. Most of the friends I made after 30 were from repeated interactions over time: neighbors you see regularly, other regulars at the dog park/coffee shop, etc.
  And once you're in a mode where you can make friends, if some of them happen to be single and compatible, maybe you try going out on a date.
  And yes, this means that sometimes you'll meet people at the gym, or at their place of work, or other circumstances where it's frowned upon to hit on strangers. But making the friendship bridge first can give you that read on the situation of whether they're actually open to dating.
  
  Interesting.
  Is it just that younger people experience more social anxiety or that it's now frowned upon to be hit on? I used to be hit on a lot between the ages of 19 and 25; it felt gross sometimes but it was the norm. There seems to be more anxiety these days to meet people face to face. I wonder if social media has anything to do with it.
  
  it's now frowned upon to be hit on?
  It's frowned upon to hit on someone who doesn't have an exit from the situation: a customer talking to a retail/hospitality worker whose job includes not pissing off customers, colleagues who need to continue working with each other (or worse, a superior-subordinate relationship), etc.
  I don't know what 20-somethings are doing these days, but navigating that transition from school to young independent adulthood was something difficult every generation had to do. It's just that this generation may have had their social skills development stilted during COVID or the smartphone era so that they're less equipped to make that jump, and that gap is leaving a greater proportion of that population behind.
- Here's the great part; you don't! (I am American and only going outside for vital activities anymore)
  
  Same. And you can't meet women (according to women) at any of those vital places. The general consensus seems to be don't ask them out at the store, the gym, a restaurant, whether they're working there or customers, any hobbies where they just want to be able to live their lifr without being hit on etc. To add, the only things I actually do still leave the house for? Walking on trails where they'd rather run into a bear than a guy on his way to a secluded spot near the creek with a joint and a book, so that seems like a bad way to meet people too now, and where I may have once talked to fellow trail walkers now I just keep to myself there too. I could still go to a bar, but like, I don't want to, and the last few women I met were pretty bad alcoholics whereas I just drink a little bit sometimes. And even if a woman did approach me at one of those vital places or on the trail, I wouldn't act on the hints because I'm absolutely positive they're just being nice and they're not into me, without them directly stating their intent using clear language.
  It's great!
  
  Talking to aomeone might get you mugged
  
  I'm British, trying the apps but yea other than that there aren't really any other options for me.
- Increasingly, they aren't.
  
  "that's the neat part! they don't!"
- I got out of the game right before tinder became a thing. I'm just as lost as you

357 comments