Congress Passes Opioid Crisis Legislation After Addict Cousin Steals Their Xbox

It's a very apt article. There's only 3 good ways to get Congress to pass legislation with anything approaching quickness:

Massive nationwide, bipartisan support from a crisis (9/11, Patriot Act)
Fucking pay them (most bills that benefit the rich and corpos)
Have it affect most of Congress people directly (pay increases, exempting themselves from finance law)

This would be #3 so it would be expected.

House Majority Leader Steve Scalise said of the bill, which would invest $35 billion into public-health training, Narcan distribution, extended Medicaid benefits,

Fuck, Onion. That'd be nice, wouldn't it?

3 comments

I know this is The Onion, but the line between reality and bullshit is fading with every passing day..
- It's a very apt article. There's only 3 good ways to get Congress to pass legislation with anything approaching quickness:
  Massive nationwide, bipartisan support from a crisis (9/11, Patriot Act)
  Fucking pay them (most bills that benefit the rich and corpos)
  Have it affect most of Congress people directly (pay increases, exempting themselves from finance law)
  This would be #3 so it would be expected.
  House Majority Leader Steve Scalise said of the bill, which would invest $35 billion into public-health training, Narcan distribution, extended Medicaid benefits,
  Fuck, Onion. That'd be nice, wouldn't it?
  
  Right? The first part of the title really got my hopes up.