I wish my deck to be freshly cleaned and the fence painted

Granted. Someone has spraypainted racist slogans onto your fence with glow-in-the-dark paint. They also used a pressure washer to draw dicks on your deck, and those dicks are the only parts that are actually clean.

Granted! You go outside to find everything from your deck now scattered across your yard. Additionally, the fence posts are painted, but only on one side, with it alternating which side at random.