1 yr. ago • 97%

I've got so much that diarrhea filters into clean drinking water

43 comments

Let me tell you about my American dream. Imagine if you will, every shit you take is a one whiper. Horrid diarrhea, one whiper, constipated shit tail that barely drops, one whiper, even your average everyday shit, a one whiper! Now imagine a welcome to your porcelain throne, a lid raising to greet you, a relaxing night nightlight, a preheated seat and even a pre-cleaning spray to ensure your shit doesn't stick to the bowl... No more imagining, this is no longer a dream, this is in fact a top of the line Toto bidet brought to you by our friends from Japan. It's time to invest, you deserve to have your hole automatically cleaned by a gentle heated oscillating spray and then dried with a nice warm blow. Leaving only one whipe for you to finish the drying process and to see for yourself, the magesty of a clean post whipe 3 sheets of toilet paper.

68
- This guy shits
  
  31
  
  That's just standard equipment for professional shitposters.
  
  17
- Say 'cool whipe' again
  
  18
- Permanently Deleted
  
  8
  
  I have two bidets, a Toto and a Brondell. Without the drying feature you would be correct on the the multiple whipes. However, in my experience after the drying function I only need one whipe. That whipe usually consists of three sheets. I also don't have a very hairy ass, so that could also be a contributing factor to having multiple drying whipes. Regardless, it's definitely a vast improvement compared to the standard American non bidet process.
  
  7
  
  Do you mean the bidets you installato on top of the toilet or the actual
  
  1
Ass hair is just an invention of Big Paper to force you to buy more toilet paper

42
- The jokes on them, I bought a bidet instead!
  
  18
If you have that much ass hair, does using a bidet technically count as doing laundry? 🤔

33
- Thoughts with the deep
  
  9
- Yes, yes it does.
  
  2
That title 🤌

28
- ☠️
  
  3
I hear it helps mute farts tough, so think twice before shaving.

21
- Prickly asshair stubble sounds like a nightmare. No thanks
  
  10
  
  It's not beard hair so it's not as stiff. Nothing is as thick as beard hair. Use a clipper with a number 1 guard (1/8"). Less likely to blunt the hair ends, leaves some length to bend, and you won't clip any skin folds. No ingrown either if that's an issue.
  
  1
- At least your ass doesn't get as sweaty between the cheeks.
  So chafing is definitely not an issue.
  
  But to be honest: It looks so unsightly to me. I would prefer having the pre-puberty hair back there instead.
  
  3
- Let me hear...
  
  Yeah, it does!
  
  3
- It only makes a difference if you're not wearing pants
  
  1
Saving for later so I can change "puberty" to "testosterone" and re post in the trans meme communities.

16
more of a shitpost than a meme

13
- The two are far from mutually exclusive and this is glorious proof 😂
  
  1
You mean free floss?

11
The heading made me laugh so hard

11
- It's why they stole it straight from Reddit
  
  2
LPT: Thongs are the cure for swamp-ass. If you can, get some wool ones.

10
- Wool thongs? Where? I just bought some... idk Rayon? Tencel?
  
  4
  
  I had to get them custom made on Etsy. $45ish each, but 100% worth it. I highly advise against most synthetic fabrics, though.
  
  I have some micromodal ones that are nice, but nothing performs like wool. I'll take them off at the end of the day and they'll be wet from sweat, but my skin is dry.
  
  And that's saying something, because I have hyperhydrosis.
  
  5
- Permanently Deleted
  
  2
  
  Jockstraps don't go in your butt crack, though. Thongs act like a sweat wick.
  
  2
...like peanut butter in the carpet

7
Buy a bidet that's $200 or more. Especially if you're a functioning alcoholic. It'll change your drinking shits game.

6
Be sure to shampoo and condition it properly. No one likes a messy ass of hair.

5
I was plenty awkward, but ass hair? At 12?

3
Keeps your ass warm when streaking after having a few to many drinks!

2
Ass hair is fine but nose hair!!!!

1
flushable wet wipes is a new, life-changing discovery to me

-5
- "flushable" wet wipes usually aren't actually flushable.
  
  https://metropolitanplumbing.com.au/blog/are-flushable-wipes-actually-flushable/
  https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-03-26/pandemic-wipes-create-sewer-clogging-fatbergs
  
  15
  
  interesting, but it seems the EU addressed the issue a couple of years ago
  
  5
  
  just checked. The wipes I use are cellulose and not cotton. They are paper just like toilet paper.
  
  1
- A cheap bidet is like, thirty bucks?
  
  4
- Bitet instead. Those wipes are okay occasionally or while traveling
  
  1

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