4 wk. ago • 97%

A short drive from Limerick, Ireland

55 comments

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

118
- I like this.
  
  There are two types of people:
  
  Those who can extrapolate
  
  31
  
  eye twitches from incomplete data
  
  18
  
  There are 10 types of people in the world
  
  7
- thousand yard stare
  
  11
  
  Verdun here
  
  7
- There was once an unfortunate bard
  
  Who found fashioning limericks hard.
  
  He stopped at line three
  
  3
There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

61
there’s really no need to say more

51
- God fucking damn genius.
  
  7
The audience always wants more

31
There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

26
Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

26
- I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:
  
  Roses are red
  
  (Rose dot jpeg)
  
  Violets are too
  
  (Violet in red dot jpeg)
  
  open
  
  I ran out of cyan
  
  Happy birthday
  
  12
- I knew it as
  
  Roses are red.
  Violets are blue
  I hate rhyming.
  Zebra
  
  9
- Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)
  
  2
My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

23
- What do you call Santa's little helpers?
  
  Subordinate Clauses
  
  4
- But a comma goes before the pause.
  
  2
  
  yeah doesn't even work with the classic joke format, in which the words switch places. I'm sure the joke should actually be:
  
  one has claws at the end of its paws, one denotes a pause at the end of a clause.
  
  4
... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bits is all I afford

21
- You've gotta leave them wanting more
  
  9
  
  this is my favourite so far
  
  4
- ... the four is an Int I adore
  
  So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see
  
  7
  
  But a four is soooo symmetric.
  
  3
Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

16
- HA! Nice!
  
  4
- I always thought that joke needs an actual pun in the first half so the "no pun intended" has a valid double meaning. I came up with:
  
  I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise its spirits. No pun intendid.
  
  2
  
  It's word play.
  
  No pun intended.
  "No pun in ten did [win the contest]"
  
  2
And this is the fifth line of four..

16
- This one's great!
  
  2
"...I can't think of a single word more."

14
whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

13
- That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").
  
  43
  
  Egerlach, they once called this bard
  
  Who'd school any with whom he did spar
  
  Whether trochee or dactyl
  
  word choice was impec'ble
  
  master of prosody, unflappable.
  
  2
My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

10
I find the fifth line a chore

9
and then he said nothing more.

9
- Not enough syllables
  
  4
  
  eh 7-10 in lines 1, 2, and 5. cold have been more consistent but its not like its a haiku. kind of ruins the joke to write a last line anyway
  
  2
You're both sadist and poetic boor.

8
And then he spoke not a word more.

8
There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

7
And with that he walked out the door

6
*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

5
"Yer Mom was a ________"

5
- Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.
  
  8
- Sick duck?
  
  4

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