Things you don't want to hear from a religious figure at a funeral

He was promising member of the churches youth choir, and taken before my turn uh, his time.

"Oh yeah, this one's definitely in hell."

"He was beloved by his family, his community, and his church on many occasions as a boy."

"I gotta be honest with you all today, there is no afterlife."

"We are all here to remember the life of... Oh, she's my type."

ziiiiip

"In an unorthodox occurrence, all three of his port families showed up"