You couldn't make Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone now because you're not Warner Brothers and don't own the copyright.
47Daybreakers.
First, it's a mid-budget movie, and Hollywood doesn't make much of those nowadays.
Secondly, it commits to a wild premise: vampires become the dominant life form in the world. It's fun, but the actors play it straight. If the tried to do that now, it'd be full of quips and winking at the audience rather than committing to the bit.
41I mean, you could totally make Home Alone II today as long as you set it pre-9/11, so I take this to mean "these movies that were set in the 'present day' could not be redone and set in the 'present day' of 2024."
You couldn't make Back to the Future because 21st century streets are no place for minors on skateboards.
You couldn't make American Beauty for a LOT of reasons (including prevalence of digital video, marijuana legalization, increased public awareness/concern about pedophilia, etc)
You couldn't make Clueless because shopping malls are dead (or at least nowhere near as cool as they used to be)
You couldn't make Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream because heroin and cocaine are quaint drugs by 2020s standards
You couldn't make Paris is Burning because Harlem gentrified big time (I know this is a documentary but still)
You couldn't make The Matrix because no one would believe human batteries would be happy and content living in a simulation of 2024 (also no telephone booths)
I almost said The Truman Show because we basically live in that world already but fuck it, I wanna see a 2024 version where the producers have to keep desperately introducing crazier plot developments to try and compete for a TikTok-addicted audience unamused by "just another reality TV show", and constant set issues like cast members getting fired right and left for sneaking smartphones onto set.
38Dumb and Dumber. There's definitely an air tag in that luggage now.
Go. They could just call each other.
The Shining. That hotel is just automated now and doesn't need a caretaker.
Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.
The Truman Show. No reality TV would put someone that earnest on as the center of the show.
Misery. Phones, GPS, the whole lot. He'd be much more trackable.
Network. No news network is giving their anchor that much monologue screen time without cutting to the next segment.
So I married an axe murderer. It's just way easier to get full details on people now.
Was gonna say Toy Story but it looks like toys vs screens is literally the plot of the next one.
36Nah nah... You couldn't make Home Alone 2 today because if you were going to remake a series it would make more sense to start with Home Alone 1.
29The missing word is "boob", for the record.
22You couldn't make Home Alone 2 today because the creators would sue you for copyright infringement.
22To that bottom comment in the picture. You'd be amazed at how incompetent the TSA and other security staff can be at most airports.
I don't know if this is still accurate, but the TSA failed their surprise tests over 90% of the time.
They didn't stop the shoe bomber or the underwear bomber either. There's a term for what they are, "security theater". They make it look like they're doing something to protect you, when really all their doing is stealing whatever they can get away with stealing and fingering people's buttholes as often as possible.
19Collateral with Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise because instead of hiring a taxi for the whole night it be easier to call a fresh Uber after each kill.
Arrival with Amy Adams because people would insist on using AI to translate the alien language.
Blow with Johnny Depp because of fentanyl ruining the ability to just snort a line of whatever whenever.
18We couldn't make Night of the Living Dead because it's daytime.
17https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/24/travel/spirit-airlines-6-year-old-wrong-flight/index.html
But also once you're past security, which as I recall in the film where Kevin gets lost, he could definitely get on the wrong plane. Any sort of on flight check could easily be excused away with a new flight attendant or Kevin being covered by a cost or any other silly reason.
16You couldn't make Citizen Kane because flashbacks and other innovative filming techniques are now the norm.
12You couldn't make Taxi Driver today, because Travis would have already died by suicide in a school shooting before reaching adulthood and getting a job. Plus watching Travis's nihilism growing not out narcissistic disgust with the seedy underbelly of New York, but out of love for the seedy underbelly of 4chan, wouldn't really have the same kick to it.
4Any Will Smith movie.
4Scully and Mulder often had to clarify "they were in an area that did not get great cellphone coverage" thirty years ago, they were always getting separated in urban settings
3You couldn't make any movie today, because you probably arent someone that knows how to make movies, and has the relevant equipment and team of actors on hand, and even if you do or try to get by with the sub-par equipment on like your phone camera or something, one day just isnt enough time to make a whole movie in.
2The Weather Man... Cobra Verde... Even though the latter could have hardly ever been called mainstream.
2Definitely would have to cut parts and make serious edits if they made a remake of the original instead of the upcoming sequel, but Beetlejuice.
The slit wrist joke would definitely be cut. The ghost advisor woman who smokes through her neck would most likely be on the chopping block due to the decline of smoking. The scene where Beetlejuice is stuck on the diorama and goes to the hooker/strip club(?) would probably be out. And the scene that would without a doubt be completely removed or reworked entirely no questions asked in a modern remake would be the scene with the centuries old creep Beetlejuice trying to marry an underage teenager.
0There's a lot of really racist and rapey stuff out there that didn't seem like a big deal back in the day. From the 80's especially.
A lot of Mel Brooks films (yeah, it's humor, but would it fly today?)
Nerds.
The Meaning of Life
Porky's
Fast Times
maybe even Sixteen Candles?
Sean Connery's Bond movies and character were racist, homophobic, misogynistic as hell...
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