What was the funniest thing your ex did to try to win you back?

Got my name tattooed on her lower back. This was after we'd separated, I'd moved out, and divorce proceedings had commenced.

She married husband #3 the next year.

96

I think you might have misunderstood. She put your name behind her.

62
- ROFL! I know it's not the case, but that was a bloody funny take all the same. Good one.
  
  29
- This got me Lol
  
  2
So, does husband #3 have the same name as you?

33
- Lol - from memory (when she told me), no. Maybe husband #4 will. My ex collects engagement rings like Thanos collects Infinity Stones.
  
  57
- No that is why she asks Husband #3 to read his name out loud when he is hitting it from behind.
  
  1

I was going out with this chick for a while and we had just gotten serious for maybe a month and then she just goes and sleeps with some dude, she confessed and I dumped her by text. Then she has the gall a week later to chase me down the street begging to speak to me and apologizing while I was trying to walk home. At first I ducked I into a gas station to get away but even after I left it after 5 mins I was still followed for 1/2 mile. Like bruh.

84

She had the gall a week later to chase me down the street begging to speak to me and apologizing...i was still being followed for 1/2 mile.

I would have heard her out if i was you. Not because I'd take her back or believe a single word that comes out of her mouth, no, no, but the sheer audacity of doing that + the desperation to get you to listen...nah, whatever fiction she came up with HAS to be some Oscar-worthy writing instead of the whole "it was a mistake!" if she borderline stalked you to share it, and then thought for a second she still had a shot with you after.

That, or her (non-existent) balls are bigger than her brains.

34
- Bruh not even. During that time I would take the bus and she would pass by my bus stop, slow down make eye contact then speed up. Wierd af. Like man why are you gonna play around with someone like that. Years later she had the gall to try and speak to me after I specifically told her not to contact me again years ago, because come on who would take that shit? Good lay though.
  
  14
- She fell and his penis just slipped into her vagina. Accidental sex happens all the time!!!
  
  /s
  
  4
Some people just can't take a hint, huh?

8
thats annoying of her bro

6

you guys are having relationships??

67

This. Reading this thread makes me sad and wonder where I went wrong in life.

Maybe I shouldn't have chosen IT as a career. Or maybe my parents shouldn't have sent me to an all-boys school, which made me shy and awkward around girls even in my later years. Maybe I should've fooled around in my college and uni days, instead of concentrating on my studies. What did all my efforts get me? What was I even working so hard for? Forget being in a relationship, I haven't even kissed a girl yet. Sigh.

30
- Hey, don't be hard on yourself like that. Sometimes things happen or don't happen, and we don't have a clue why. Time can pass so quickly and we can lose ourselves so easily.
  
  But that doesn't diminish you in any way. I know what I'm talking about. I lost the best years of my life, and no one will ever understand or have some sympathy for it. People are too quickly to judge or to give weird "advices" that feel much more like a kick than anything else. Our lives are so complex and can't be reduced to simple encouragement words.
  
  I'd advise you to explore yourself a bit more. Perhaps you're restraining yourself somehow, perhaps you had a too restrictive environment, perhaps you have some undiagnosed condition (that was my case), perhaps something else. Sometimes we try to live life forcing ourselves to be what others expect of us, and we will fail so miserably, but we can live as who we are, and things start to improve progressively.
  
  I hope I didn't confuse you even more.
  
  20
- Relationships take effort and luck. You have to work on yourself to be prepared, put a lot out of effort into social things to meet people and develop relationships, and then most don't work out and you're sad for a bit.
  
  The luck part is a huge part of the equation. Two people are perfect on paper but the "spark" doesn't happen. Maybe they could have a great relationship but the starting conditions weren't right to form a relationship. Having a close relative die, or having a mental health issue really early in a relationship can force a wedge that can't be overcome yet. A normal wedge that all relationships deal with regularly once they're established, but can't deal with in the first few weeks.
  
  The only advice that worked for me (I was raised with very few other kids my age) when I started dating in college was that the skills to make a romantic relationship were just people skills. That I should intentionally strike up conversations with anyone I don't know. Most people have something to occupy their time. I try to find that out in the first conversation I have with someone. You can see when someone's expression changes when the ice breaks and they shift into excitedly talking about a new personal best in a 10k run, or getting a major part in King Lear, or published their first full comic book or novella.
  
  I had to hone my ability to talk about my hobbies. At the time I was finding gargantuan prime numbers. I had to work on how to describe it to people to make it slightly approachable.
  
  I also figured out that a huge part of wanting to be in a relationship was family pressure. I had to be at a place where I wanted it, and not because aunts and uncles poked fun at any young single people in the family.
  
  7
- What are you doing to try to improve your situation? What have you tried before?
  
  5
- Hey man I know it doesn’t help in this moment but I’m in IT and everyone on my team is married except for our youngest guy who is engaged. It’s possible, but it’s hard - you have to put yourself out there and take some risks. Dating apps can be wild but they can also work, just keep trying and see what happens!
  
  5
- None of these things are wrong. Work on your issues in the present, not the ones in the past.
  
  4
- I went to an all boys school too so that probably doesn’t have anything to do with it. Just gotta put yourself out there and try my man
  
  4
- oh yeah fair but also i just commented that because I thought itd be funny. you're in IT, have you considered just being a furry?? its a good social lubricant.
  
  2
- Are you using Linux? If not, I guess I know where the problem lies /s
  
  1
- We are the same people, it seems. Which is creepy and gloomy at the same time.
  
  -3
It's because they use Linux.

6

once i binged a shitload of adderall for 3 weeks to paint a realistic oil painting of a cat for my ex to try to win her back. It was a very good painting, amazing imo with my lack of training

It wasn't even of her cat though i literally googled cats and copied one. Idk what I was thinking. She just always wanted me to paint something that wasn't abstract lol

No it didn't work but she still has it 11 years later so that's nice at least

64

This is definitely the most interesting one here both for unusualness and the switched perspective. Sounds like your cat did well at least.

16

Lying about events that allegedly happened while we were engaged, and expecting me to actually believe her. Specially when she switched who did what.

For example. "I even cooked at late night for you!" - err... no. She only cooked for me a handful of times, all of them afternoon snacks. (I'm not a big fan of afternoon eating but I appreciated the gesture.) I was cooking for her fairly often, including preparing a "fake" barreado (kind of stew) at 3AM.

Or claiming that a common friend (a woman) openly mocked her while we were drinking with friends, and I did nothing. I was there and I remember what friend said - a single sentence, roughly "hello and bye for both of you!", since that friend was leaving as we were arriving on the bar. Even if she wanted to mock my then girlfriend, she wouldn't have the time to do so.

What makes those funny is not the fact that she was lying, but that they're such idiotic lies that you can smell the bullshit from a kilometre of distance.

54

Keyed my car. I'm not kidding. She keyed a message into the side of my car thinking it would get me back.

52

I don't think a lot of thinking was part of that equation.

5
"Do you like me?"

Yes or No

2

Broke into my home. Twice.

49

Kinda more on the crazy spectrum than the funny spectrum 😶

25
- Well... Can't argue with that.
  
  It's it funnier if it was actually two different women who did this, twice each, years apart?
  
  Maybe I have a type.
  
  23
I like to imagine that when you come in and see her you sing

And so you're back From outer space I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

5
Break into hers next. That will show her.

1

Mine put me through over a year of terror and false accusations in court ranging from hiring a gang to beat him up, pouring sugar in his tank when I didn't even know where he lived, to our kids not being his. Then two days before his wedding to his new victim, sent me an email asking if I was really truly sure I didn't want to get back together.

30

Holy shit, I hope you found some way of forwarding that to his new partner…

13
"Look, I know you think I am insane, but let's be reasonable. Are you sure you don't want to be with me?"

4

Wait, that can happen?

20

leave me and not text me anymore, it's 4D chess really funny

8

Not an SO story.

Not to you know brag or anything here guys but I did have 3 people fighting over me once.

2 of them actively ended up sleeping together to try and get me to pick one of them.

I chalk it up to, "pfft it's because he uses Linux."

Kidding of course. In all honesty, I had gone through a very confusing breakup. At the time I was sleeping with three people. All of them knew about one another and they all knew I wasn't looking for anything serious because of the previous breakup. I was also trying to finish school.

All three people were really sweet and I still talk to two of the 3 and they are good people. We were all 4 going through a confusing time in our life. The one I don't speak to now is married. I wish all of them well.

Also, before you ask. (You won't but I feel the need to clarify) I am genuinely meh on the attractive scale or so I am told. So I don't know which black magic was at work but it was a fun and stressful time.

I am reading half of these stories and just appreciating how all three of the people knew about each other and all ended up being chill with one another and me. You all are dealing with some crazy shit.

4

Everything he tried was cringe, not funny…

4

what was the cringiest thing he did

10
- Offering me to do drugs together one last time even if he knew I was clean since a few years (this is not only cringe but also shitty, luckily I was in a good period so I refused) Then about 5 years after our separation he called my mom to tell her that he was still in love with me 🤦‍♀️
  
  2

I tried this weird trick where I respected her boundaries and eventually moved on with my life and we're still friends 20 years later

3

Well that’s not very funny is it

27
Yep.. this is exactly the way. Take the high road, no matter how much it may hurt you to do so. Future you will thank you.

1

Ya, they don't ever want me back by the time it's over. Burn bridges with napalm. I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. However, no dating cheap floozies on the side.

-15