RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola
RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola
Holy shit I was almost excited there might be one thing to make the coming cycle less shitty until I saw the community
104Here's one that's real: he's promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.
He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident
69All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don't see the irony that they're really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women's bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.
5
I think the best we can hope for is that Trump seems unlikely to fuck with state laws regarding marijuana. That’s fine with me.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t try the Coke, though.
25I’d def try coke-aine
2
I actually can't tell what's a parody any more
63Yeah I thought this was real news at first.
19
He might try but Don Jr will be snorting it faster than the factory could add it.
And no one in the mainstream media will care.
43The fact that I read this headline and my first through wasn't doubt in any capacity is insane. Satire is now lamer than reality, jesus christ...
35The reason that is that fiction has to be coherent. It has to make sense.
Reality is under no such constraint.
16
Given that RFK jr was a heroin addict for decades, I was once again fooled by this and I thought it was real.
Satire has been dead for years anyway.
20the onion actually doesn't do satire any longer.
they do prophesy now.
18One can dream...
I do wish this were prophecy
1
Yeah he was on record last week saying it improved his grades as a student lol
4
wow for a solid ten seconds did not realize this was onion. I guess this will become more and more frequent over the next four years.
13I've wanted this for years. I hope he sees this article and decides to do it.
10Damn, they almost got me lol
8I'm in
6100% serious here: I have had mate de coca, or tea made from the coca leaf. There used to be a place that would ship it to the U.S. without asking questions, but it doesn't exist anymore. It basically takes a field's worth of coca to make an ounce of cocaine, so this is a tiny fraction of the strength of cocaine. It tasted pretty awful- like damp straw smells- but with enough sweetener, it was acceptable.
It makes you much more awake and alert than coffee with no jittery feeling and it's totally gone after maybe 4 hours. You can have mate de coca when you get up, do a few hours' worth of work and then take a nap and sleep like you'd never had anything to stimulate you. It's pretty damn amazing and it's stupid that it's illegal.
I'm guessing they have ways to do things in South America about the taste.
Edit: Also, I was telling this to my wife's cousin, who is also my GP, and he was telling me that he would get it when he went down to do charity work in El Salvador all the time and agreed it should be totally legal in the U.S. He's a cool guy.
5It's amazing for altitude sickness. When I was in Bolivia, I basically lived off coca tea.
2Dude coca tea tastes so good. I drank it all the time when I was in Bolivia. It has nowhere near the stimulating effect like coffee. To get that, you have to chew it with some ash, lijta, to get the chemicals.
1Well all I can say was that was my experience with what I used to have. Tasted awful, more powerful than coffee, no jitteriness.
1
Coke in a can: mid Coke in a bottle: okay Coke in a bag: LET'S FUCKING GO
5It will be a rolled in approach. Whatever you can't roll in, you put it in the soda.
2Ngl i wish this was real lol
2We're really gonna let the brain worm run shit, huh?
2Based
1Freebased.
1
Going to guess the dea is gonna be defanged for that little escapade
1