6个月前

What's the deal with male loneliness?

Like, why is it so widespread, what causes it, what solutions are available, etc. I don't really know how to ask this question so I hope I'm making sense

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I don't even think it's an exclusively male thing. It's just getting harder and harder to meet people and mingle. Men are just feeling it harder and sooner.
It's harder to meet people now. I think part of it is:
That people used to be bored. You would make entertainment where you could find it, and two bored people can rapidly get entertained. Now you have a phone that makes you not bored, and de-incentivizes face to face interaction.
There used to be more places where people interacted. Masons, elk lodge, unions, they would often serve alcohol at events, for dirt cheap. They were known as third places, somewhere other than work and home. One thing I hear from a lot of smokers is that the smoking areas are where people hang out to talk, and they do. It's where conversations happen at a club. It gives you something to do when you're not talking, a reason to stand somewhere close to people, and a perfect excuse to jump into a conversation. It's kinda infuriating that it also shaves two minutes off your life -_-.
People have less time. Younger generations are working multiple jobs, gigs with unpredictable hours, often times having commutes of an hour which turns a 9 to 5 into an 8 to 6, and spending all their vacation hours on the shit that has to be done on a weekday like the DMV or the like. How are you supposed to make a friend when schedules differ so much that a spreadsheet is required to make it work?
- Male culture also tends to avoid building real relationships and hiding their feelings, and depending on how they look people are scared to be around them. Effort needs to be taken for most men to unlearn toxic traits of the past, which it seems like younger kids today are getting better at avoiding, but there's definitely a handicap for most men here.
  
  What happens to a man when he shares his feelings? Has that ever gone well for any male since the evolution of meiosis?
  
  Gets avoided, gets called gay, gets told to man up, gets made fun of
  
  That's kinda sad but true. Fun fact though, you get to choose your friends. If any of mine reacted like that I'd stop hanging out with them. It's imperative you have a solid social circle who is gonna help and raise you up. If the toxic masculinity bros wanna hate on being human and having feelings they can fuck off and they're not invited to my party. Only cool people are allowed.
  
  This, too, is how I roll.
  
  Yeah, I stopped hanging around my toxic friends too. This was a big part of why I was lonely throughout my 20s.
  
  This is part of man culture that we men need to change one step at a time. Instead we bully each other over it.
  
  No we don't. That's a feminist lie. The women whose political power depends on maintaining a perpetual state of victimhood by blaming every single thing on men would have you believe that.
  Men will have conversations like this:
  "Tiffany left me."
  ...
  "Really?"
  ...
  swig of beer
  ...
  "Yeah. Said I'm not 'available enough.'"
  ...
  swig of beer
  ...
  "Shit dude."
  ...
  "Yeah."
  Enough information is shared for one man to put himself in the other's shoes, think about what he went through, and arrive at the same place for himself. That need women have to put their feelings into words to yap at each other is just a symptom of their abject inability to empathize with their fellow sentient beings.
  You know what doesn't occur to men to share with other men? "Breaking news, this just in from our correspondants in the field: Nothing continues to happen." In fact I'm going to go post that to the Dull Men's Club community and see what comments that attracts.
  No, the people who will destroy you for being anything other than fine are the women in your life. Your mother, your sisters, your daughters, whatever name your sexual partner(s) insist on being called. They're the ones who will kick you the hardest when you're down. You will never be more alone than when you're surrounded by women.
  
  As someone who had very different experiences with women and prefers opening up to them over men, I can assure you that there is a healthier way of living out there and I hope you can let go of your bitterness some day.
  
  Just reading that makes it sound like you hate women. I’m sure you don’t…but if you’re giving off that kind of feeling / vibe whatever you want to call it, then maybe that’s why you feel alone when you’re surrounded by women. People can pick up on cues like that and avoid people like that.
  Also, ~~men~~ people need to talk more than in your example. This is the exact kind of behavior and thinking that contributes to male loneliness.
  Enough information is shared for one man to put himself in the other's shoes, think about what he went through, and arrive at the same place for himself.
  You just created an example where you imply it’s not okay for men to need more than this. That’s not healthy for you or anyone dude.
  
  Women have worked pretty hard to earn my apathy, so why should I deny them the prize they so vehemently seek? They're not on my side, as an intentional consequence I am not on theirs.
  
  Seems like the common denominator is you. I hope you can work through that.
  
  Your name definitely checks out bro...
  
  Yes. It does.
  
  You've never heard men say "dude, just suck it up and get over it already. Don't be a wuss." about similar issues to other men?
  
  I am reminded of a book called Good To Go by Harry Constance, a US Navy SEAL who served in Vietnam. The exact line of the book it reminds me of is "No swimming."
  I've once heard it said that men insult their friends but don't really mean it, women compliment their friends but they don't mean it either. I'll take "Come on, walk it off you're alright" over faked sympathy every day for 37 more years.
  
  Seems like everyone in your life treats you terribly. Is it possible that the problem might lie with the common factor here? Consider finding a therapist to help you through these thoughts.
  
  What are you?
  
  Internet stranger who grew up in the same world. I grew up not being seen or feeling valued. So i can see how you've come to feel how you have.
  There really are good people out there. I hope you can find better people, and when you do, that you can meet them ready to reciprocate their kindness and vulnerability.
  Just a fucking heap of work it takes to get there though...
  
  There really are good people out there
  There are enough lies on the internet, no need to add more.
  
  About relationship stuff I can honestly say that I haven't ever seen that. Other than like "hey I know you're hurting but why don't you come out with us and we'll try to help you get back on the horse". Which I think is pretty positive.
  
  Ask the exs I cried in front of who then lost their physical attraction to me. Never doing that again. Having sex semi-regularly is a hell of a lot better than having a shoulder to cry on.
- IDK; my partner has met ppl that have become very close friends at their workplace. I've become more and more isolated as I've worked as an adult, to the point where I have zero close friends.
  I hope to fix that this year though; I'll be trying to get my handgun and rifle instructor cert so I can work with the Pink Pistols and Operation Blazing Sword, and connect with my local SRA chapter. E.g., try to do something good in my community, and also meet people.
- sdfhjlaks;fjlk;asfjkl;sfjakl;
  
  Get out where? If you have no friends where do you go? Some bar where you stand around awkwardly by yourself while everyone else came with friends?
  
  sdfhjlaks;fjlk;asfjkl;sfjakl;
  
  Okay I'll just get over crippling social anxiety. Great advice. Thanks.
  
  sdklf;gjkl;dsgjkl;dsgjkl;dsgsjkl;g
  
  Yes, if this is an issue you have: you should start taking steps to address it!
  There are a number of online services to get you started, or see a therapist for personalized help from a professional. Mental health issues are real, but can be addressed with the right treatments. They won't likely go away on their own, you'll need to find the right strategies that work for you and then put in the effort & time to address it.

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