I figured I’d die in my early twenties, what with all the risky behaviors. I didn’t even fear old age until around 25, when it occurred to me that I’d turned my life around.
Definitely wish I hadn't spent so much time convinced I was going to kill myself that nothing else was worth doing or learning or trying. 19 feels really far away now and I've gotten nothing good out of life since then.
For me it’s weirdly opposite. I’m in my 40s and have been very fortunate in the health and aging departments. I’ve always had a super low heart rate and clean bill of health. I feel like I’m going to be the person that outlives everyone and into a world of loneliness. It feels like a duty to live out of spite in a country I loathe (the US of fuckin A).
I remember feeling somewhat like that in my teens and 20s, but later on I had 2-3 years of health incidents that made me seriously question how long I’d live. I was given some poor circumstances as a result but also made some regrettable decisions based on acting like I’d just die. It turns out I didn’t yet, and it’s been hard to figure out what to do next.
It’s weird but this was me. No girlfriend, dead end job, crappy family, no schooling, etc. Thank God everything got flipped around. Married at 30, epic job that people would kill to have, great kids, great house, and I’m happy.
Never give up hope, things can turn out way better than you could ever imagine.