What is the president of the Untied States going to do about the mice in my apartment?

Dunno if by accident or on purpose but Untied States is a better play on words than calling it the Divided States of Embarrassment.

Just wait... He's working on a deal with pizza rat.

"The U.S. will take over Freshparsnip's apartment, and we will do a job with it, too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unsnapped mousetraps and other pest control devices at the apartment, level the apartment, and get rid of the destroyed furniture/appliances/structures. Level it out, create economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs and housing for the mice of the area. Do a real job, do something different. Just can't go back, it's going to end up the same way Freshparsnip has had it for years."

..So uh, I guess you are being relocated. Negotiations currently underway to determine which neighbor is forced to take you in.

Don't worry, you won't be able to afford to live there much longer, so the mice there won't be a problem.

HIMARS, definitely HIMARS.

Pager bombs.