4mo ago

DAE have trouble knowing whether they like things?

My girlfriend will look at things eg. Colours, items, clothes, food etc and point out all the things she likes. For me those things just exist and I don't have much of an opinion on them. Like theres 100 paint colours them but they're all fine, how am I meant to know whether any are better than the others.

I am also not known to get visually excited about things, I got a skydive for my 30 birthday and I think everyone was disappointed with my reaction even though inside I was very excited to do it.

11 comments

My problem with 'likes' is that it's so context dependent. My favourite colour depends on whether we're taking about paint for the walls, a car, a new jumper or the colour of my finger.
It's the same as for music, my favorite depends on if I'm working, driving, relaxing or wanting to destroy something.
I really don't understand how people can have 'one' favorite and stick to it.
On the excitement front, yeah, I don't get people jumping around with joy unless they're a 6 year old getting birthday cake.... But then I'm British, and we don't do that sort of thing. (Edited for typo twice!)
- After I wrote that post that is exactly what I thought! What colour do you like? Colour for what?? A room, hair, a vase, etc etc??
  I have definitely had multiple experiences in my adult life where people expected me to be excited and we're disappointed by my reaction, I think I am very happy but not visibly excited even if I am inside.

Once I saw a categorisation I liked. There are three kinds of people: those who know what they want or like, those who know what they don't like and the confused ones.
In other words, it's totally fine even for neurotypicals not too know if something is better than the other, especially when it comes to subjective reactions based on subconscious or feelings.

You don't need to have an opinion on everything.
Before the internet, people generally didn't have enough information to form an opinion on most things, so the default answer was "I don't know".
Nowadays people are bombarded with so much information that you have people forming strong opinions on a topic and sometimes even making that opinion their entire identity while barely understanding any of it. I'd much rather have a few strong opinions on a few topics I care about, and leave everyone else to worry about the rest.
Perhaps favourite colors is a little different to deciding on vaccines or climate change, but the sentiment is the same. "I don't know" is a perfectly valid answer, and more people need to get comfortable with it.
- I think for me it is mostly visual things. Clothes, colour, decor etc

What's your favorite movie?
freezes while I try to make a tier list of every movie I've ever watched in my head

The former could be blunted emotions (you just don't feel feelings strongly), could be alexithymia (difficulty deciphering one's emotions that are felt, commonly co-occurs with Autism) and you do or don't like it, could be both, I could be wrong and it could be something entirely different.
The latter sounds like flat affect (you don't express emotions strongly externally)

I empathize with the apparent "lack of emotion". My father and mother in law sprung for a trip to Japan for my husband and I as a wedding gift, and I was so shocked and excited because I couldn't believe it was true that I didn't have it on my face.
FIL thought I was disappointed because I didn't squeal and jump around like someone on The Price is Right. It was my wedding night, I was already overstimulated from that.
I have to pretend to be stupidly excited for things so people don't get the wrong idea...
- I've noticed that natural facial expressions are critical for social interaction. I sometimes panic in awkward situations which leads to by classic blank look which is intercepted as not caring or being selfish.

I cannot make a top 10 list of anything and I get in trouble for not being enthusiastic enough. When the guy amping up the crowd yells "I can't hear you!" I'm the one yelling "I DOUBT THAT" back.

11 comments