1 yr. ago • 100%

money rule

Things are going to be a lot different from now on!

21 comments

You should change the name to something cooler, like maybe a single Unicode character

I think ⦖ could look good but I’m also partial to ⧰, what do you think?

62
- a 🥴 would also be a good option
  
  29
- Oohhh I like that second one!
  
  17
Elon? Will you make the fediverse as good as X?

24
- No, I will make it EVEN BETTER:
  
  From now on the week days shall be known as:
  
  Migrant blaming Monday
  
  Trump Tuesday
  
  Wanker Wednesday
  
  Trans shaming Thursday
  
  Fascist Friday
  
  Sex offender Saturday
  
  SS Sunday
  
  Furthermore, my team will develop official clients so we can block all the other ones in the future (who needs those anyways).
  
  We will block access from the web as well through anonymous accounts.
  
  We managed to get some ad revenue partners on board so you can watch your favourite ads to the content you'll get delivered through our newest and most innovative algorithm that'll rank posts from our greatest supporters at the very top even tho you have already seen them dozens of times.
  
  Oh, and btw: we are releasing subscription models offering you perks like:
  
  Random earrapes (who doesn't like these)
  
  Even worse UI
  
  Actually getting content
  
  Having less money
  
  Getting preferred by the algorithm
  
  Feeling like your worthless life has an actual meaning
  
  A customized handjob from our team <3
  
  Oh, and free accounts have the downsides of being rate limited to 5 posts a day, 1 bit of text when commenting or posting and a resolution of 16x16 pixels for images.
  
  Want to work for us? - No problem. Our employees have the luxury of having their own toilet cubicle where they can eat, work, shit, work, work even more, ~~sleep~~, work, and repeat...
  
  We already replaced the content management team with Blind AL - saved us ten dollars!
  
  Matt Damon is in, are urine?
  
  37
  
  You had me until I read Thursday and Friday. No way in hell the real elon would be able to stick to just one day of the week for either. Otherwise a very convincing post.
  
  7
  
  Holy shit post within a post. Slow down. You could milk this into like weeks of posts.
  
  7
  
  Sounds great! You seem to be a real business genius.
  
  6
Let that sink in

21
- I have to think of Elon whenever I read this. I think I'm fucked.
  
  12
Wait that's illegal

13
- Where to flee now?
  
  4
No, you bought something the Enterprise D made when it became sentient

12
- 1
fediverse premium+ will now be $20 a month

12
- Starting now in the US and Canada
  
  6
I was teached, money can't buy you happiness! It's all a lie!

10
Nooooo how could u

8
- "If you no longer go for a deal that exists you are no longer a businessman..." - Elon Senna
  
  7

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