Should be universally adopted

After doing security at bars and clubs, "it's my birthday" should be met with immediate expulsion from the club.

- Exactly. I only did security at a gay club twice, and luckily neither had a bachelorette party at the time, but I've been at clubs when one is going on and it's fucking horrible.
- That seems like there needs to be women only bars like Curves is for gyms. I'm guessing that trend is because women don't want to be hit on.
Depends on what kind of bar/club it is. At my local bar if it's found out someone is celebrating it usually ends up with the whole bar singing happy birthday and good vibes all around
But, Daddy, I WANT it!?
- Oh, God, I'm having PTSD flashbacks. No joke, I fucking hated birthday parties at the nightclubs. There was, without exception, always a fight.

Why "surprise me"?

I've learned a lot of cool drinks this way, and sometimes I blank out when I start to order. The bartender is the professional here, they know far more about the drinks & combinations than I do, "gimme something sour" and the like seems pretty reasonable?

Maybe we go to different bars?

Well, the bartender knows nothing about your taste (unless you do give them a clue, like "something sour"), so whether you pick at random or they do, is kind of moot. Except that they run the risk of disappointing you.
- People who ask to be surprised and then get upset when they're surprised are the worst.
- I guess the "running the risk of disappointing" part doesn't make sense to me.
  I asked to be surprised. Surprises can be good and bad. What's the worst that can happen, I don't come back?? Chances are you weren't going to make much money off of me anyway, might as well give it a shot.

Do they think this is funny? I'd just leave and go to a less passive-aggressive bar.

Yea somewhere along the way restaurants, and bars in particular, have forgotten who the patron is and who the service provider is. I'm not there to kiss your ass, I just want a beer.

"Dad! You finally came back! Welcome to my bar!"

"I ain't your dad."

"But you--"

"You trying to lose me $2? I don't know you!"

I could never justify the kinds of prices they charge at a bar. I could drink the same shit for 1/10th the price. Why would I want to pay $1 for a shot let alone $5.

Sometimes it's nice to get out of your house and be served. That and not everyone has a huge liquor cabinet. Or knows how to make good cocktails.
Yeah, 40 ounce in the alleyway! Great place to take a date.
- You do the 40s on the stoop, not in the alley like some teenager! Unless you're a teenager.
It might not be worth the time and effort it takes to get the bar experience at home.
You try shaking a round of whisky sours for a party of 5 people at home... It's a whole ordeal
So you can socialize and meet new people while doing it. Obviously there's other ways of doing those things but it's an easy option that doesn't require someone in your friend group to be a homeowner and willing to host.