I blocked my toxic friend group! I wasn't speaking to them already, but I finally got the courage to leave every group chat and block them!!!
8 comments
I have learned to just leave places, groups, relationships or acquaintances that are negative to me.
There is not shame on that.
I left one group because I always asked when we were playing online, no one answered, but then I found them playing online, without me. I left the group, and kept a couple friends from there, and we still talk.
I was in this big community related to books, but it got bad, it got noisy, trolls and such, so I just left.
I opened a new group with the people I did like from that group, and we are getting together this friday for some beers :D
Your time is precious, never waste your time on people that don't deserve it.
Are these friend groups or group chats? Your experience sounds more like group chats. Withing large groups, there are lots of subgroups.
I used to have lots of 'friends'. Wed all hang out, have beers, have fun. Then, when I was getting married, I realised there were a whole bunch of people that were just acquaintances. I didn't know them except on a surface level. Some are still in group chats I'm in.
My, now husband, and I made a rule for our wedding when looking at numbers. If their number wasn't in our phone (not a group chat) and we hadn't been to each other's homes, we weren't doing an invite.
I'm not trying to gatekeepn your experience, more that we should be careful to know there is a difference between friends, acquaintances and colleagues. I've been super friendly with colleagues but when either of us moves on, that's the end. Real friends meet up regularly and invest time for each other. It's give and take getting to know people on an emotional level, not just spending time together.
That's a pretty good rule, to invite only whoever has been to your house and vice versa, I think it is a good filter because having been in someone's house requires effort and closeness to let someone in.
I was friend with this guy at the office, let's call him James, like we used to go out for lunch some times, we got together at his or my house with some other friends for board games and stuff, and so on. So I considered him a good friend.
Then pandemic came along, and we had this group, he added his brothers, a cousin, and we had a couple other guys from the office. We used to play online some times. We removed one of the friends he added, John, I don't exactly remember the reason, but James had a lot of say on removing him.
So fast forward pandemic was finishing, people starting to get out, we got together, the guys from that group, but james never had the chance to get together, it was this thing or the other.
But then he commented, so I went out with this other guys for some beers, I did this and that, so I started wondering, if he goes out with this other friends, why not with us? with me?
We did get together, but on his terms, like he had this place with a pool and we went a couple times. The whole family, and the other guys with their family. But it was on his terms, on his place, we had to go to him, you know?
Then he asked me to lend him some money, I said sorry buddy can't. But he only reached to me when he needed something.
Then after some time we hadn't played online, there was this game he had, so I asked, so if I buy this game, will we play? He assured me yeah, we are going to play it, just get the game no problem.
So I started to play the game on my own, waiting for him to be able to play, asking on the group chat when is he going to be available to play.
Then I started seeing that he did play, with other guys. This happened two or three times, wanted to join since it was a cooperative game, 4 players, but he kept telling me they were waiting for the 4th player, that maybe in half an hour I could maybe join.
That is when it hit me. This is ridiculous. I am reaching and reaching, and he has zero interest in me. I am the lowest priority. I am probably being laugh at.
So I left the group. Just like that. Deleted him from everywhere, and his family. It is a shame since his mom really loved our daughters. But it had to be done by the root.
I did keep 2 good friends from that group that understood my side, talk to them from time to time, and we never talk about that other group, I don't ask or need to know.
Weirdly enough I reached to John, the guy that was removed at the beginning, and became very good friends with him. We are together in this book club (that is another story), and he told me his side of what happened.
I did find out that this James guy is very manipulative, and a lot of thing made sense after I realized that.
So I did learn to just cut off relations that are unhealthy, one sided, and not beneficial.
It was for the best in the end, in the end, this guy lost my sincere friendship, and I did reach out to some real friends of mine and also made new friends because of this.
Congratulations, that's not easy to do. Well done! I hope you can find/have found real friends.
I have learned to just leave places, groups, relationships or acquaintances that are negative to me. There is not shame on that.
I left one group because I always asked when we were playing online, no one answered, but then I found them playing online, without me. I left the group, and kept a couple friends from there, and we still talk.
I was in this big community related to books, but it got bad, it got noisy, trolls and such, so I just left. I opened a new group with the people I did like from that group, and we are getting together this friday for some beers :D
Your time is precious, never waste your time on people that don't deserve it.
Are these friend groups or group chats? Your experience sounds more like group chats. Withing large groups, there are lots of subgroups.
I used to have lots of 'friends'. Wed all hang out, have beers, have fun. Then, when I was getting married, I realised there were a whole bunch of people that were just acquaintances. I didn't know them except on a surface level. Some are still in group chats I'm in.
My, now husband, and I made a rule for our wedding when looking at numbers. If their number wasn't in our phone (not a group chat) and we hadn't been to each other's homes, we weren't doing an invite.
I'm not trying to gatekeepn your experience, more that we should be careful to know there is a difference between friends, acquaintances and colleagues. I've been super friendly with colleagues but when either of us moves on, that's the end. Real friends meet up regularly and invest time for each other. It's give and take getting to know people on an emotional level, not just spending time together.
That's a pretty good rule, to invite only whoever has been to your house and vice versa, I think it is a good filter because having been in someone's house requires effort and closeness to let someone in.
I was friend with this guy at the office, let's call him James, like we used to go out for lunch some times, we got together at his or my house with some other friends for board games and stuff, and so on. So I considered him a good friend.
Then pandemic came along, and we had this group, he added his brothers, a cousin, and we had a couple other guys from the office. We used to play online some times. We removed one of the friends he added, John, I don't exactly remember the reason, but James had a lot of say on removing him.
So fast forward pandemic was finishing, people starting to get out, we got together, the guys from that group, but james never had the chance to get together, it was this thing or the other.
But then he commented, so I went out with this other guys for some beers, I did this and that, so I started wondering, if he goes out with this other friends, why not with us? with me?
We did get together, but on his terms, like he had this place with a pool and we went a couple times. The whole family, and the other guys with their family. But it was on his terms, on his place, we had to go to him, you know?
Then he asked me to lend him some money, I said sorry buddy can't. But he only reached to me when he needed something.
Then after some time we hadn't played online, there was this game he had, so I asked, so if I buy this game, will we play? He assured me yeah, we are going to play it, just get the game no problem.
So I started to play the game on my own, waiting for him to be able to play, asking on the group chat when is he going to be available to play.
Then I started seeing that he did play, with other guys. This happened two or three times, wanted to join since it was a cooperative game, 4 players, but he kept telling me they were waiting for the 4th player, that maybe in half an hour I could maybe join.
That is when it hit me. This is ridiculous. I am reaching and reaching, and he has zero interest in me. I am the lowest priority. I am probably being laugh at.
So I left the group. Just like that. Deleted him from everywhere, and his family. It is a shame since his mom really loved our daughters. But it had to be done by the root.
I did keep 2 good friends from that group that understood my side, talk to them from time to time, and we never talk about that other group, I don't ask or need to know.
Weirdly enough I reached to John, the guy that was removed at the beginning, and became very good friends with him. We are together in this book club (that is another story), and he told me his side of what happened.
I did find out that this James guy is very manipulative, and a lot of thing made sense after I realized that.
So I did learn to just cut off relations that are unhealthy, one sided, and not beneficial.
It was for the best in the end, in the end, this guy lost my sincere friendship, and I did reach out to some real friends of mine and also made new friends because of this.