We need to Talk

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.

Crantius Colto
\ Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.

Crantius Colto
\ So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ You embarrass me, sir!

Crantius Colto
\ Fear not. You are safe here with me.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!

Crantius Colto
\ Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ But it is huge! It could take me all night!

Crantius Colto
\ Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?

Crantius Colto
\ This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?

Crantius Colto
\ Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?

Crantius Colto
\ Of course.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.

Crantius Colto
\ Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.

Lifts-Her-Tail
\ Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!

Crantius Colto
\ Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

dafug did I just read ??????????
- The Lusty Argonian Maid. Smut books found in the game Skyrim.
- An excerpt from The Lusty Argonian Maid.
  One of the finest pieces of literature to ever come from Bethesda Softworks.

Well shit, if we're gonna talk about it you at least need to read it first

It may be overused, but I swear any comedy bit that uses a well done "What?" always gets a laugh from me. A simple word, but says so much.

My favorite will always be Colonel Jack O’Neill (with two L’s)
_{There’s another Colonel O’Neil with only one L. He has no sense of humor at all.}

Knowing what I know now about the governments of the world....It wouldn't shock me if lizard people actually exist and do things like that

Actual lizards would do a better job than a number of governments I can think of.
- Lizards would stick to the great plan, damnit
I feel like life has taught me that this all has to be a simulation. It's too rediculous to be real.
- I know it’s a fucking cartoon, but I sincerely believe we are NPCs (at least I am) in Roy: A Life Well Lived.

I'd read it

Do lizard-people have hemipenes and cloacas?

As they say, the fight is over when you get them to laugh.