mmmm yes undoubtedly

As an American, I wish they won.

They outlawed slavery looong before we did.

Because they were ahead on industry and slavery was less profitable. Don't think England was going around thinking it was wrong.
- It was a very popular civil movement and governments were essentially forced to act.
  the petition in 1814 got 1,375,000 signatures.

damn he would hard R wouldn't he

Jokes aside, as an American, I wish the US had lost the revolutionary war. Commonwealth territories ended up with socialized healthcare, a far better democracy, and far better labor rights, while the US ended up with fascist oligarchy. No thanks. I'd gladly trade my coffee for tea if it means I get a real democracy instead of a fascist oligarchy

Tbf some of those former territories aren’t in very good socioeconomic shape. If we’d ended up like Canada that would have been winning the lottery, but plenty of those other former colonies have plenty of problems like classist India.
- TBF we didn’t even do that to India; just exploited it. The East India Company turned up and were like “ah, we see you already know how things are supposed to work!”.
- Also, Africa.
- Canadians are nice, so they are rewarded with a nice country.
Don't quote me on this but America winning the war played a big part in the spread of democracy around the globe. If they hadn't, its not clear the monarchy would have ever fallen.
- It is a prevailing myth, but personally I am not sure I believe it. I don't know if it is based on anything.

Looks more like the French to me, mate.

I'm black and most British territories didn't outlaw slavery until the next centruy so no thanks...

Agreed, it wasn't soon enough, but they did abolish it thirty years before the US fought a war to get it done.
- To be blunt, I can't think of a better reason to go to war than to eliminate slavers and those that would regard an entire race of people as not worthy of respect.
  The only other good reason for war is for defense. To protect yourself and your countrymen from a hostile force, but I digress.
  That shit should have never been allowed. But here we are.

They don't look like that any more. Its top hats and tails everywhere

Could you imagine the teeth of an English methhead?

Don't the British have better teeth than the US Americans?
- I've not researched this, but I've heard it's because mouth health is prioritised over aesthetics.
  That basically means: no whitening.
  Teeth are naturally yellowish
- Define better. They eat healthier (lower rates of diabetes and obesity), but they also spend less money on cosmetics.
- I’ve heard that myth before, never see any evidence in favor of it, not that I can be arsed to look.
I’m so glad England isn’t real.
- Oh it’s real and no matter where you live the English have probably pillaged it for spices they never use.
The UK has free Healthcare and better quality of life so I'm pretty sure their teeth are better than most americans
Logically when you think of it this way that bullshit excuse of a derogatory assumption made by anericans goes out the window
americans lack education about the world outside of america and are so narcissistic and think they're better than everyone else that they don't even bother to try and learn about the outside world and when they do learn of the outside world and other countries having better quality of life than them they make up bullshit mental gymnastics and deny reality because they can't accept that
So no your bullshit derogatory misinformed opinion is simply not true and is just a stereotype because you americans like to bully other countries like the schoolyard bully that likes to pick on others
- We don’t have free dental on the NHS anymore - just discounted. But yeah, your dental health was basically assured. Cosmetic work on NHS didn’t really go any further than braces.
- It’s not that we think we’re better than everyone else it’s that we know we are.

Ok so here's the thing: If America lost the war, America would likely be akin to Australia. The UK used it's North American colonies like they did Australia (that is, a place to transport convicts) so you'd basically be like Australia in that regard. You'd likely be like...cold weather Aussies.

Also:

Australia would be...different? Maybe Dutch?
We might not have had a French Revolution, or it may have been different, because a lot of the ideas from the American Revolution inspired the French Revolution.
Since the French Revolution have rise to the idea of the modern nation state and Napoleon, we'd not have a lot of countries.

a lot of the ideas from the American Revolution inspired the French Revolution.
...
Since the French Revolution have rise to the idea of the modern nation state and Napoleon, we'd not have a lot of countries.
At first I was like: wtf? Then I remembered we're in the shitposting community
- I mean, am I wrong? France bankrupted itself in the war and in funding the American revolution. The American Revolution produced and popularised a lot of ideas that found their way to France and inspired ideas in the French Revolution (as well as a rebellion in Scotland but let's not get ahead of ourselves).
  The French Revolution gave rise to the idea of the Modern Nation State and Napoleon's invasions of places like Italy and Germany implanted this idea in those places which eventually lead to the Nationalist revolutions in Germany and Italy in the 19th century.
  If the American revolution failed, we'd might not have the French Revolution we know of today. If that is the case, there's no rise of the Nation State and no Napoleon to spread it, ergo, no Germany or Italy, as well as a lot of other countries.
cold weather Aussies.
looks at Canadians
Huh.
- looks at Canadians
  you mean i could have socialized healthcare, weed, and california weather? FUCK YOU BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH YOU SHOULD HAVE TRAITORED HARDER
- Nah you're like Polite Americans. You haven't got the daredevil chilled out "Australia" energy.

I wish the British won the revolutionary war

I wish I remembered which episode that Dennis and Mac were dressed like this.
- Watched it recently, S04E11

Southern cuisine would be salt beef, white bread and Yorkshire tea.

Nah, that would be the northeast AKA New England. Southern Cuisine would probably be French and Mexican/Spanish food, the Louisiana purchase and a few American wars never happening.
Then again who the fuck knows what the colonial powers would have gotten up to without the US zealots taking over? 🤷
I read somewhere that British people eat like they're still living through the Blitz

It was one lot of Brits against another lot of Brits anyway. Basically one lot looked like the picture above and the other dressed like cowboys. Not during the war obviously. Afterwards when they went West and hammered the native people.

Simplified history speedrun.

These days, as a British subject, you’d be smoking crack in a hoody and knockoff Burberry cap, bruv.

laaaame. you used to be a real country. bring back the leaded face paint

Sorry, if im smoking crack I strip down to my undies and cover my self in butter. That's just the way it is.

With the price of butter these days I think I would use rapeseed oil instead. Much cheaper to cover myself in.
- That might be ok for you but I have standards.
don't ever let no knife-twirling crumpet goblins come between you and your artistic process, King