Birds in Australia are like birds in Ireland, except almost certainly on cocaine

Haha this was good fun.

They reel out of the sky at you like they’re barrelling out of a nightclub bathroom wearing a floral shirt open to the navel, beaks atwitch, roaring a garbled query that sounds disturbingly like: “What did you just say to me?”

"Try a different route next time" (moron)

lol

Beat the shit out of them when they swoop, a few cracks in the head and they start thinking twice about swooping you.

I started doing that over a decade ago, the magpies near my house don't do shit to me anymore.