10 mo. ago • 97%

‘New York Times’ Invents Entirely New Numerical System To Avoid Reporting Gazan Death Toll

www.theonion.com ‘New York Times’ Invents Entirely New Numerical System To Avoid Reporting Gazan Death Toll

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35 comments

Remember, reporting that any Palestinians lost their lives during this conflict is not only anti-semitic, it's anti- American. Israelis aren't capable of committing violent war crimes. (BTW I'm being facetious, but only a little).

106
- I take issue with your wording: "crimes" are the things that the OTHER side does, while when WE do it, it is ah... something else. (I am also being facetious, but only a little, unfortunately)
  
  29
  
  That's very true. When the other side does violence, we call it "crimes." When we do it, we call it "justice" or "necessity." Humans are good at justifying whatever they want to believe is true about the "other side."
  
  3
  
  They justifying extreme violence by claiming that they're squashing "terrorism."
  
  Even though the USA, and it's military-industrial complex, has been the single largest terrorizing force the world has ever seen....
  
  3
- ok, but do you condemn Hamas?!
  
  14
  
  I condemn the Israeli government for slaughtering civilians and committing endless war crimes
  
  19
  
  only if it has garlic in it
  
  10
  
  The Israeli government sure doesn't. They know 100% that oppression leads to terrorism. They knew their actions would create Hamas, and they know that giving Palestinians equal rights would end the terrorist cause in an instant. When they say they condemn Hamas, they're lying. They love Hamas.
  
  -1
- Perhaps POTUS should take a leaf from my government's book. Here in the UK they are struggling to deport enough immigrants, so they want to send them to Rwanda. Since there's a concern that Rwanda isn't safe and this would therefore be a violation of our international obligations to genuine asylum seekers, they are considering legislating that Rwanda is safe - regardless of the truth.
  
  If reality is bothersome - why not simply state that it is not, and make it the law that you can't say that it is!
  
  6
- Wait, are you being a little or a lot facetious? Bc it sounds like a lot. If only a little, you’re saying you mostly do believe those previous statements.
  
  3
  
  Or mostly believe you'll be called antisemitic/anti-American, not that it would actually be so.
  
  4
Shoutout to the web dev who made this page so it loads everything except the article content and shows massive white blocks of nothing instead.

49
- The Onion is a satirical site, it’s a joke. There’s no article, the whole joke is the headline. It’s not a real news site.
  
  9
- I think sometimes there's no article, the whole joke is the headline, and the white square is the blocked ad. Or have I been bamboozled by incompetent coders the whole time?
  
  9
  
  That's what I thought at first but after the first "you may also like" there's a huge void of white that goes for two screens and then there's more links.
  
  The page source is something to behold. I'm not sure if it's the worst thing I've ever seen or if they've reached a god tier level of parody.
  
  6
- I thought it was just me. IDK what they've got going on there.
  
  6
- Is there even an article or is it just the headline? Because I can't see anything but links
  
  2
They have [only] killed less than 8! people

32
- Give it enough time and this whole thing might even lead to 13! deaths
  
  10
- Facts! They've only killed like 7! people
  
  0
There have only been 20 civilian casualties in Gaza when you use Base 1000 math.

31
- I'm not to proud to admit I don't know what base 1000 math is. Can you explain it to me as I'm also to lazy to Google it?
  
  12
  
  The base means how high you can count using only one digit. In base ten you have 0-9. In base one thousand, 0-999 are all represented as a single digit (you'd need a massive numerical system). Let's say that w is the number for 998, and x is the character for 999. You'd count 0, 1, 2, 3...w, x then the next number (one thousand) would be 10. 11 is one thousand and one and so on all the way to one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine which would be 1x, then two thousand would be 20.
  
  The base is just how high you can count before you need a second digit. In base 2 you can only count 0 and 1 before you need another digit. That's why two is written "10" in base two.
  
  22
  
  Base X means you can represent up to X with a single digit. “20” in base X is 2 * X. In base 10 what were used to, 20 is 2 * 10. In base 1000, “20” would be 2000
  
  2
- 30 actually.
  
  9
weird how we're not using the '9/11s as a proportion of population' anymore! what are we at now, 1,000+ 9/11s?

9
- I went a couple weeks without seeing a Hexbear user and it was fantastic.
  
  4
  
  I wish I was as lucky as you
  
  1
Is there no article?

6
Pretty sure this is what God meant by "thou shalt not kill"

0
Where's the article? I can only see a headline and a picture

-1
You almost got me

-2

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