1y ago

Can't stop won't stop

23 comments

Regular reminder to anyone that needs it, probably OP:
Binging TV or games is often a coping measure, albeit a not very good one. It can make us feel more panicked and exacerbate self worth issues. I know this because I do it a lot and try to give myself this same advice. Because of this, I also know that what I'm saying here is hard to internalise, especially when the world has you inundated with messages that drag you down.
But you are not the problem. You have problems, and sometimes you fuck up and make things harder for yourself, but you are trying your best and the fact it feels like you're barely scraping by is more a function of the fucked up world than it is of you. Try not to beat yourself up too much for struggling.
I know it's a different kind of demoralising to acknowledge this, and that it's a different disempowering to believe that fucked up things aren't necessarily your fault, but try to be kind to yourself. The world is shit, and I feel shit, but we're trying our best, for ourselves and the world. Communities exist because it's not possible or ideal for us to be struggling alone, and it's harder to build that kind of support when you're being harsh on yourself.
So whoever needs to hear it, I forgive you for procrastinating when you're overwhelmed. It may well be a dumbass move that makes everything harder, but it can also be an imperfect coping measure to help you survive. Surviving is the bare minimum, sure, but it's good, because it means that there's the potential to be more than what your environment currently allows.
- Thank you, I needed to read this. Currently trying to find a job in another state, and there’s just slim pickings. I want to get out of my current position and location so bad, but it’s depressing going on sites like Indeed and seeing nothing promising every day. So I just keep playing games each night, hoping for a change to… idk, fall in my lap?
  
  Doesn't sound like you're waiting for things to fall in your lap to me, you're actively searching and have formulated your plans to move away and make changes, when the right opportunity comes you'll be ready to recognize and seize it.
  
  another state
  which one? if not Oregon where I live, maybe another user from your target state can see this and offer some more local labor guidance.
  a big part of success is luck. sucks. but it means opportunity can come from unexpected places.
- Thanks for saying this.. I have a lot of guilt because I left grad school early. I was hired at a company and my advisor urged me to take the rare job in exactly my field and we would finish my thesis later. It's been a year and I've not defended. My advisor won't even read what I have written even though I met with them and they agreed to. I had a lot written at one point but they said it was shit and to delete it and start over. When I think about it or about opening it I just feel panicked. When I was at university I had started to attend free counseling the school offered (because a lot of students had been committing suicide) and the counseling really helped me feel better but now I definitely can't get any.
  I don't need to defend to have my job but I just want it over and I'm scared I won't finish. One of my coworkers had been pestering me about it for a year and I finally just told them I did defend because I didn't want them to talk to me like I'm stupid everyday. I feel bad about that too

Me and studying for exams. Me and writing my bachelor's thesis which I ended up power writing in a ~18h+ long session with no sleep
- Oh god I have been doing this for 2 years at uni and am failing so bad.
  
  If it's a paper asking your opinion or ideas on something, then I used buy a 6-pack of beer, sit down to write paper with some good music on, and just drunk write for about 3 hours. You'll suprisingly write like 17 pages of bullshit and ramblings, but after you sober up, you can typically condense it down to about a solid 3 or so pages of legitimately good ideas to build off of. I used to love writing papers as I essentially made an event out of it.
  Once I figured out my groove, I stopped the drinking and discovered that isolation was always key for me. I had to find a space without distractions. Our school library had a floor with hidden tables, rooms, and a rule that no talking was allowed. It was dead silent there....it was fantastic.

I procrastinated myself right out of grad school. (A null result didn't help -- no epic papers to be had, so supervisor was disinterested.) Nevertheless, it's a bad habit.
In industry, constantly being in crunch mode helps, because you never have time to procrastinate.

Me but change "write" for "programming" and lab for generic "job". I know this subreddit... It's for what it is but I felt identified in some way....
- It's the same for my assignments lol
- I did this too, and if you're dead set on doing it I advise strongly to plug your ears, close your eyes, and go "LALALALALALA!" any time the job market is mentioned.
  It made me completely and utterly depressed and I stopped learning all forms of development altogether.

I've been repeating this to myself for the last year and I still haven't written a word. Guess my paper will never see the light

This may remind me of going through my analysis data to perhaps figure out if I can get my last first author paper for phd. I should start that.
Tomorrow.

People procrastinate for many different reasons, so you'll end up trying all sorts of advice that may or may not work or it may only work sometimes. The two most common issues come down to either: A) You're feeling stressed or anxious and need to relieve yourself from responsibilities, or B) Your mind has fallen into an "it's not urgent enough, so putting too much effort right now isn't worth it" fallacy. Overcoming both requires proper management of your emotions, but some people have it so bad in the first category that "managing their emotions" isn't doable without large changes in their life, such as changing your job or your household dynamics.
When you're on the second category, it's best to cultivate an attitude of "these are my goals for today, so I'm going to actively manage the activities that kick off my dopamine", but what's the proper way of doing that depends on the person and their situation. Some people may find it very difficult to get started in the day without a little bit of pleasure, and some will find that having a little bit of pleasure first will not allow them to focus later on, because their mind craves for more. You should also find the proper balance between valuing sheer effort and achievements. If you're satisfied with effort for effort's sake, you may not focus as much as you might otherwise could (you're just putting in your hours after all), but only accepting achievements as the measure of a proper work session will leave you demotivated when the challenge was harder than you had initially gauged.

removedht

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