DrCatface @ DrCatface @lemmy.world

alcoholic idiot nightmare gamer winemaker

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5

Comments

427

Joined

2 yr. ago

2 days down. jumped on a online meeting for the first time in a few months. if you're interested google 247 AA meetings zoom and go to flying sober. I bounce between those rooms, they've helped me out of some jams and is nice to not be alone

first week sucks, hope it's the last time we go through this. I had 108 days up, my best yet. take care my friend hope to see u tomorrow

24hrs. still feeling rotten. ambition and motivation to un ruin my life all time high tho

the rotten hangover. deep regret and shame, zero memories after the 2nd bottle. day zero.

thanks I'll check them out now. I feel like it was going to happen, I was sitting there drinking feeling the buzz beginning but I went straight to blackout, I don't remember anything from about halfway through the 2nd bottle of wine. lying in the dark all day feeling rotten, certainly not drinking today

i drank yesterday. wasn't craving, just had access to enough for 1 day and thought, fuck it. 108 days vanish. day zero.

22.02.25, 333am I came to in a hospital bed under constant surveillance, no smokes phone or wallet, I had crashed my 2nd car into a barrier, nobody else involved. 107 days ago now. some of us just have to find out the hard way.

106 not today

drinking sucks. it's snowing in aussie! not cold enough to collect on the ground but v pretty

hey rq, lots of great answers already valuable input team. I can really relate to everything you described, that was me and my relationship with alcohol. people don't want to hear this, but I worked the 12 steps, and they heckin work. a very thorough step 4, fearless and searching and a humble step 7, asking for the mental obsession to be taken away from me. I got my lightning bolt moment and I haven't thought about a drink in 100+ days except when something horrible happens. it'll always call my name, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, tell me I'm not an alcoholic, but I'm just a little smarter than the disease now, I can work around that lil voice cause it just spits out dumb ideas. I drank for pstd nightmares and fast forward to sleep, only until I went through every single resentment, harm caused, fears, sex conduct etc could I see the big picture cause it was all there on paper, red hot could land me in gaol, but thats what I was running from. I didn't understand the term dry drunk until recently. msg me any time to swap numbers.

non stop sleep for a week. sounds amazing right? I'm so over it. couple nightmare strong coffees and back to bed. cutting back my max doses of sleepers, without piss in the picture the meds actually seem to work. lil too well

looking for work. renewing work licenses, bunch of life admin stuff. absolutely hate it, blood boiling, still not interested in drinking. idk who this guy is but he doesn't drink and that's really fricken cool

not drinking today. def not yesterday. can't drink tomorrow yet either. just gotta not drink today and I'll be ok

it's like we're having a conversation in the past ! 1 sec time travelling

ooh wow I'm late not drinking

late but I didn't drink today. playing a game teaching my new friends a boss fight, you have to block one move or 1 shot kills u, everyone got vaporised but me left standing there alone like, oh ok bye guys take care :(

you're not going to believe this. 3s. absolute prick of a day. fed the animals and tilly the antique cat leaked liquid shit all over my favourite hoodie, and just an hour ago another fox got in the hen house. took care of it. will sleep well tonight

well shit. buckle up buttercups todays grovel novel sucks. never cried so much.

took the dexys for breakfast, felt so ready for war so I head to work, 3hrs of white knuckle being surrounded by about a million litres of wine in tank barrel n bottle, had the 247 AA meeting in my ear which helps me stay grounded, I realised I didn't want to drink, but it was only a matter of time. made a coffee, rolled a ciggie, deep breath and burst into tears. cannot do it. 15 years of working 140 diff wineries, drunk the entire time, had an absolute ball I adore working wineries.... while drunk. trying to do it sober at 96 days felt impossible, jane found me chainsmoking and crying, still sober just melting down. the dexys give me ultimate clarity. I could see the situation I'm in is fucked, and I'm going to fuck it all up and ruin my life yet again if I stayed. had good long look up and down my home winery looking at all the barrels tanks and my forklift, hurt so much probably last time I'll see inside. had to quit my job due to my alcoholism. finally admitted it, was in denial. don't even know yo ass is lying. I had no idea I was bullshitting myself, I was confident. haven't written up a resume in 15 years, when I started there in 2021 I told the boss, hey boss bottling sucks can I come work for you guys? sure drcatface we'll find something for you to do. then I crash my car after drinking 20 at work, the entire crew came to visit me in the hospital. how can we help, what can we do. they started breathalyzing me at the start and end of every shift, kept me outta trouble, couple times I busted but just put my hand up said sorry team I fucked up. sorry sorry sorry, doesn't mean shit from a practicing alcoholic. came home crying my eyes out, cuddled animals and sat in a hellfire hot shower for an hour. I've had you are my sunshine, my only sunshine stuck in my head since I left. about to get some weed so I can run away some more without drinking. just want mind blank. love you guys, stay tf away from alcohol.

day 1 quitting weed. flip flop flip flop. it stopped being fun years ago and is just another way for me to hide from the world. haven't been to a mtg in yonks, tmrw night looking fwd to it. love yas

meds have got me sleeping 16hrs a day, frustrating as heck, can't even game just gotta lie there cause my eyes hurt. think I've figured it out, just doubled the strength of my coffees. yeehaw. 94 what a great year that was.