We might need a different giphy to express further WTF-iness surprise for the subsequent matter of whale blood oozing in through the car windows during the five-hour drive. But I'm not good at picking out memes.
Reading this, you would think that the WSJ editorial board was against racism.
Yet, I think they did help create/inspire the monster that MAGA is today.
I think this opinion piece is too little, too late.
Preying on vulnerable women.
This trait appears to be so common in religious institutions.
How horrible.
This was eloquently stated and I'll need to remember that last line. Thank you!
If I'm not mistaken, the attackers were using this URL for Reliable Recent News - which appears to be seized indeed:
This reference is found on page 50 of the following lawsuit by the United States of America versus "certain domains":
https://www.justice.gov/d9/2024-09/doppelganger_affidavit_9.4.24.pdf
Interesting how the malign actors are colloquially referred to as "Doppelganger".
The recipients of these messages have something in common: they’re listed in federal campaign filings as having donated to Joe Biden or Kamala Harris using ActBlue, a ubiquitous online platform that makes it simple to contribute to a vast array of Democratic candidates and liberal causes. ActBlue, a non-profit, has become central to Democrats’ grassroots fundraising efforts. For years, Republicans struggled to emulate its success.
It would seem the oligarchs are threatened by people supporting left-wing causes.
Ergo, our contributions are helping.
So we should keep doing this.
This snippet was also notable:
Campaign finance researchers contacted by Mother Jones said it was notable that the Fair Election Fund claimed to have $5 million when it launched but does not appear to be raising money online. That suggests the likelihood of a large preexisting source of money.
FCC filings list a woman named Tori Sachs as an official with the group. That is the name of a political consultant in Michigan who has helped spearhead several dark money efforts in support of Republican candidates in that state. Sachs has worked for multiple organizations funded by the billionaire DeVos family, including by Betsy DeVos, who was Trump’s Education secretary and previously chaired the Michigan GOP.
The Republican party, folks.
Please vote.
A loser member of the union, made possible by voting for loser politicians.
Despite an acknowledgement of the state's dismal maternal health outcomes and setting up a committee of "experts" to troubleshoot it, the need for new mothers to have healthcare in coverage was...
conveniently left out.
This was the best the pedophile party was able to accomplish.
By sharp contrast, not too far away in Arizona, Democrats enshrined abortion protections in the constitution.
Let's all be sure to vote, folks.
Wow, this is amazing news! Arizona rocks!
This article makes for a great read - and the photograph of smiling politicians is beautiful too. You can tell they're genuinely happy with their important accomplishment for women's rights.
Two notable paragraphs:
It was after the state Supreme Court cleared the way for enforcement that Hobbs urged the state Legislature to take imminent action to undo the ban before it went into effect. Republican lawmakers, who hold a narrow majority in both chambers, derailed discussions about repealing the ban. At one point, the roadblocks resulted in chants of “Shame! Shame!” by outraged Democratic colleagues.
Emotions on the House floor and in the gallery ran high as House Democrats were able to garner the support of three Republicans to pass the repeal legislation two weeks later, sending the measure to the Senate for consideration. Two GOP senators joined with Democrats a week later to grant final approval.
Special thanks to the Democrats for making this work! Plus a few stragglers from the other side.
Stating the obvious, though we don't need this reminder:
Both parties are not the same.
Well said!
I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm still processing this.
Thank you for sharing that.
This is crazy and extremely moronic on her part.
And interesting how she saw fit to wear a yellow star on that occasion. Seemingly likening being banned from a social networking platform to being the victim of genocide.
Thank you for posting this.
Concerning the original case with Judge Caroline Wall in 2023, the following - not from this article - is rather revealing:
Identifying as a Constitutional Conservative, Judge Wall has openly conveyed her commitment to “Exercising justice through Judeo-Christian values,” as stated on her campaign page. However, her principles and ideology have faced close scrutiny in light of her ruling to dismiss the lawsuit regarding the Tulsa Race Massacre.
Many have raised concerns regarding her pledges to “ensure people’s rights to swift justice” and “protect the rights of victims and juries,” given that these promises do not seem to align with her decision to deny the survivors of the Tulsa Race Massacre their opportunity for a day in court.
While Judge Caroline Wall’s social media presence appears to be minimal, she does maintain a Twitter account under the handle @realJudgeWall. Notably, Wall follows only three individuals on Twitter, one of them being Donald Trump.
And despite the (then) three centenarians in the original 2023 case attending all hearings, the Judge Caroline Wall was very peculiar in how she conveyed the verdict:
Judge Caroline Wall is also facing scrutiny for the manner in which the dismissal was communicated, or rather, the lack thereof. Attorney Damario Solomon-Simmons revealed that he learned of the dismissal through the news and did not receive formal documentation until after the press conference.
Fast-forwarding to today, I guess it was just convenient in the latest developments to just quietly dismiss the appeal attempt. i.e. since a Trump-inspired judge with Judeo-Christian values saw fit to deny justice to survivors of that horrible attack.
That raw Judeo-Christian hatred is palpable. You can feel it.
What a disappointment.
That Space Karen is so weird. Very creepy.
Leon Musk Space Karen is gross and he's probably upset over last night's debate tragedy.
The CRU subsequently reached out to Levy and asked him to review the record, including Alex’s full medical history and Kaye’s obstetrics record. Levy could have upheld his previous position or written a more measured reappraisal. Instead, after reviewing all the evidence, he unequivocally rejected his original findings and testimony.
I want to take a moment to show appreciation for people who admit they were wrong. Especially in a matter of such great importance.
I hope these charges can be vacated soon.
And kudos to ProPublica for being so amazing. A non-profit news source, I see. I'm very impressed and I should be donating. Their articles are quite eye-opening and their involvement at re-examining this case was key.
It must hurt having one's face eaten by a leopard.
Past online messages from Gray were uncovered Friday, revealing the teen's history of anti-LGBTQ+ bias. The Washington Post and CNN each reported that Gray had previously threatened a mass shooting against queer people specifically, posting an image of a family being supportive towards their trans daughter to a Discord server and writing, “I need to put an end to that. … im on the edge of a lgbtq massacre.”
Aside from blatant right-wing deceit, it's shocking to see an adolescent think in this hateful way. And it sounds like his redneck father didn't help matters. I feel for the victims of this horribly violent attack and their loved ones. This is so sad.
That explains the recent news.
Meanwhile, let's all be sure to vote.
Leon Musk might be proud being the lead oligarch in a starving and ailing world, but something has to change soon.
I hope the oligarchs get what they deserve.
Thomas Birley added fuel to bin fire and threw objects at police during unrest outside hotel housing asylum seekers
This article is remarkable and I highly recommend reading it. Three notable paragraphs from it are very telling:
>Sheffield crown court heard that Birley, a painter and decorator from Swinton, was involved in many of the worst incidents on that Sunday afternoon, including adding wood to a fire in a large industrial bin that had been pushed against an exit, and helping to place another bin on top of the one ablaze. > >Birley was also filmed throwing missiles at police, squaring up to officers while brandishing a police baton and throwing a large bin that crashed into a line of police with riot shields. > >He is the first person to be sentenced for arson with intent to endanger life after the 12 hours of violence in Manvers that left 64 police officers, three horses and a dog injured.
Max Kennedy says endorsement is ‘inconceivable’ and implores public to ignore his sibling’s decision
This article makes a great read. Some notable quotes follow.
First the recap from the last week:
>Robert F Kennedy Jr made the announcement to suspend his independent presidential campaign on Thursday. He soon appeared with Trump at a political rally in Arizona where he formally backed the former president, who clinched the Republican nomination despite his conviction on 34 felony charges of falsifying business records to conceal hush-money payments to adult film actor Stormy Daniels, among various other legal problems.
And this is particularly telling - in case anyone had any doubts. Emphasis in bold is mine:
>Kennedy said he planned on removing his name from the 2024 presidential election ballot in swing states to boost Trump’s chances of retaking the Oval Office. But Kennedy said he would remain on the ballot in other states that are not expected to decide the presidential race.
The history:
>Kennedy’s presidential bid and subsequent endorsement of Trump has drawn sharp criticism from the rest of his family. And, before its suspension, his campaign was replete with controversies, including a sexual assault allegation made against him by a former staffer and the proliferation of numerous conspiracy theories over vaccine safety, Covid 19, wireless internet, the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and antidepressants.
The article closes with junior's brother, Max, quoted as saying:
>“Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be motivated to write something of this nature. With a heavy heart, I am today asking my fellow Americans to do what will honor our father the most: Ignore Bobby and support vice-president Kamala Harris and the Democratic platform. It’s what is best for our country.”
Wesley Bell, who’s challenging Cori Bush in Missouri, dropped out of a race against Republican Josh Hawley to take on the Democratic congresswoman. Apparently, punching left with AIPAC’s support is a more appealing career booster than challenging the Right.
This article is noteworthy for the historical track record of Cori Bush's challenger, Wesley Bell. It covers how Bell betrayed the BLM movement despite the widespread support he received from it.
Also noteworthy are these two paragraphs that explain how Bell has incredible funding from the genocide enabling Israeli-aligned AIPAC lobby.
>But rather than build his campaign against Hawley, Bell dramatically shifted his priorities, pivoting to mount a challenge against a left-wing Missouri politician instead. Last June, Bell called Cori Bush to promise he wouldn’t run against her. Then, after the Hamas attack in Israel on October 7 and the outbreak of Israel’s assault on Gaza, the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) “let it be publicly known that a challenger to Bush would have effectively bottomless fundraising support,” writes Ryan Grim. Bell subsequently dropped out of his race against Hawley and turned around to challenge Bush. This opened the floodgates for the Israel lobby, which has spent a staggering $7 million on Bell’s run to capture Bush’s seat. > >As of July 2024, AIPAC’s massive donations only account for 62 percent of Bell’s contributions — in part because Missouri Republicans have lavished Bell’s coffers. The Huffington Post reported that Bell’s campaign filings included donations “from notable sources such as Steven Tilley, a GOP former Missouri House speaker who’s now a lobbyist,” and “Daniel Loeb, the billionaire founder of the hedge fund Third Point, who has donated millions to Republican causes.”
Residents wonder what legal protections are available as police monitor them at all hours, blaring sirens and shining lights
>Atlanta police have been carrying out around-the-clock surveillance in several neighborhoods for months, on people and houses linked to opposition against the police training center colloquially known as “Cop City”. > >The surveillance in Georgia has included following people in cars, blasting sirens outside bedroom windows and shining headlights into houses at night, the Guardian has learned. > >While no arrests have been made, residents said they’re at a loss as to what legal protections of privacy and freedom from harassment are available to them. Chata Spikes, the Atlanta police spokesperson, did not respond to requests for comment.
>Although it was not the only factor in the race, the Israel-Hamas war undoubtedly hovered over the contest. > >Democratic Rep. Summer Lee, the first member of the progressive “Squad” to face a primary challenger this cycle, successfully fended off her opponent in her Pittsburgh-based district on Tuesday. > >Although it was not the only factor in the race, the Israel-Hamas war undoubtedly hovered over the contest. Lee has been an outspoken critic of Israel’s actions in its war with Hamas and was among the first lawmakers to call for a cease-fire. She was seen as potentially vulnerable to a primary challenge when pro-Israel groups began to threaten heavy outside spending.
>Three men accused by the Crown of helping lead and coordinate the COVID-19 protest blockade at Coutts, Alta., in 2022 have been found guilty of mischief. > >Jurors deliberated for three hours Tuesday night before finding Alex Van Herk, Marco Van Huigenbos, and Gerhard (George) Janzen guilty of one count each of mischief over $5,000. > >Gasps of surprise were heard in a courtroom packed with supporters of the trio when the verdict was announced.
Several McGill University students have spent more than three weeks demanding it divest $20m from various companies
This is a noteworthy article. Here follow a few select paragraphs:
>A group of students at McGill University have spent more than three weeks on hunger strike in an effort to force the Canadian college to divest from “companies supporting the Israeli military”. > >The move follows months of protests and sit-ins at McGill and at universities around the world, as students and faculty members have protested against Israel’s military offensive in Gaza.
Then there's this paragraph that might beg the question why an academic institution would invest in the military industrial-complex:
>Documents on McGill’s website show that it held investments in companies including Lockheed Martin, a defense contractor which has sold fighter jets to Israel, and Safran, a French air and defense company.
It would appear McGill University initially agreed to a public forum - and the reneged on that agreement:
>Amine said the McGill administration had acknowledged the strike, and agreed to a public forum on the issue, before cancelling the meeting. The school proposed a private meeting in early March, the students said, which was turned down.
Prospect of Israel facing war crimes charges has moved closer after UN condemnation of Gaza aid restrictions
A few initial paragraphs follow:
> > > The accusation by the UN and other humanitarians that Israel may be committing a war crime by deliberately starving Gaza’s population is likely to significantly increase the prospect of legal culpability for the country, including at the international court of justice. > > > > Amid reports that the Israel Defense Forces are hiring dozens of lawyers to defend against anticipated cases and legal challenges, the charge that Israel has triggered a “man-made famine” by deliberately obstructing the entry of aid into Gaza is backed by an increasing body of evidence. > > > > Already facing a complaint of genocide from South Africa at the ICJ, the UN’s top court – including an allegation that senior Israeli political officials have incited genocide in public statements – Israel is also the subject of a provisional emergency ruling by the court ordering it to admit life-saving aid to Gaza. > > > > On Wednesday, the US secretary of state, Antony Blinken, underlined the growing sense of crisis as he warned that all of Gaza’s 2 million people were experiencing “severe levels of acute food insecurity” – the first time an entire population of Gaza has been so classified. > > > > Unlike other issues related to Israel’s conduct in its war against Hamas in Gaza, which has claimed more than 30,000 lives and displaced more than 85% of the population amid widespread destruction, the human-made famine occurring in the Palestinian territory appears more straightforward. > >
From the top of the article, we come to discover that the MyPillow person is asking us all to foot his legal bill:
>MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to be so confident in his election conspiracies these days. > >The floundering businessman took to Steve Bannon’s podcast on Monday to push his latest theory that the U.S. needs to outlaw electronic voting machines. The current suit, led by failed Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake, is being underwritten by the pillow salesman. After admitting the effort is a total longshot and his evidence did not “shock the world,” as he had promised, Lindell decided to ask supporters if they could foot his legal bill.
The article closes with these further challenges that this MyPillow individual has had to face:
>The former millionaire spent months using every platform at his disposal to seed conspiracy theories following the 2020 presidential election, including against Dominion Voting Systems and Smartmatic, claiming the electronic voting companies were complicit in a scheme to keep Donald Trump from retaking the White House. That, however, cost Lindell $5 million, and put him on the line in a $1.3 billion defamation suit brought by Dominion, in which he’s being sued not just for spreading the lies but also attempting to profit off of it. Lindell, of course, has a plan for that—he’s going to use the Supreme Court to defend himself with his new crowdfunded legal fund. > >“But Steve, all this evidence, this new evidence is gonna be used far and wide,” he told the far-right host. “There’s cases out there, as you know, Mike Lindell and MyPillow getting sued for billions of dollars.”
Jaylen Johnson charged with manslaughter after shooting death of his mother at their home’s back door in St Louis suburb
> > > A 25-year-old Missouri man says he mistook his mother for an intruder before shooting her to death at their home’s back door. > > > > Prosecutors have charged Jaylen Johnson with manslaughter and armed criminal action in connection with the shooting death on Thursday of his mother, Monica McNichols-Johnson. > > > > McNichols-Johnson’s shooting death came less than a year after another shooting in Missouri saw Ralph Yarl, then 16, get shot on 13 April by 84-year-old Andrew Lester after ringing the wrong doorbell while picking up his siblings. > >
Aaron Bushnell, who died last month, ‘sacrificed everything’ for Palestinians, says mayor of Jericho
Aaron Bushnell, who died last month, ‘sacrificed everything’ for Palestinians, says mayor of Jericho
A few of the initial paragraphs for context follow - but the article is worth reading fully:
>The Palestinian town of Jericho has named a street after Aaron Bushnell, the US air force member who set himself on fire outside the Israeli embassy in Washington to protest against the war in Gaza. > >The 25-year-old, who died on 25 February, “sacrificed everything” for Palestinians, said the mayor of Jericho, Abdul Karim Sidr, as the street sign was unveiled on Sunday. > >“We didn’t know him, and he didn’t know us. There were no social, economic or political ties between us. What we share is a love for freedom and a desire to stand against these attacks [on Gaza],” the mayor told a small crowd gathered on the new Aaron Bushnell Road. > >Bushnell livestreamed his self-immolation on the social media platform Twitch, declaring he would “no longer be complicit in genocide” and shouting “free Palestine” as he started the fire. Law enforcement officials put out the flames, but he died in hospital several hours later. > >Israel’s offensive in Gaza has killed more than 31,000 people, the majority of them women and children, according to the health ministry in the Hamas-run territory. The war was triggered by the cross border attack on 7 October when Hamas killed about 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and kidnapped 250 people. > >Even as governments in Europe and the US have largely continued to back Israel’s campaign in Gaza as part of the country’s right to self-defence, Palestinians have taken heart from popular protests held from Michigan to Madrid.
Christian evangelical institution punished victims ‘for violating the student code of conduct’ as ‘assailants were left unpunished’
Christian evangelical institution punished victims ‘for violating the student code of conduct’ as ‘assailants were left unpunished’
Some of the initial content - the article is well written:
> > > Liberty University fined $14m over ‘culture of silence’ around sexual assault > > > > Liberty University has been hit with a $14m Department of Education federal fine for creating “a culture of silence” around sexual assault, failing to support victims of violence and then failing to properly report them correctly under the law. > > > > Announcing the fine on Tuesday, the department said in a statement that the Christian evangelical institution had punished sexual assault victims “for violating the student code of conduct”, while “their assailants were left unpunished” – a violation of federal law. > > > > Liberty was founded in 1971 by the television preacher Jerry Falwell Sr, the Baptist minister who, eight years later, created the Moral Majority movement that mobilized the Christian right to the cause of the Republican party. The university was notified two years ago by the department that it would be conducting a review of the institution under the Clery Act, which requires the disclosure of campus security information. > > > > Students of the university, which is located near Lynchburg, Virginia, are required to follow The Liberty Way, a student honor code that prohibits sexual relations outside of “a biblically-ordained marriage between a natural-born man and a natural-born woman”. > > > > But signs that aspects of the code – and law – were failing came in 2021 when Liberty spokesperson Scott Lamb was fired for standing up for 22 female students represented in a lawsuit that claimed the university “enabled on-campus rapes” and suppressed complaints of sexual assault and rape, a violation of federal Title IX statutes, in what it said was “the weaponization of the ‘Liberty Way’”. > >
>Linus Torvalds just issued Linux 6.8-rc7 as we close in on the Linux 6.8 stable release in the next week or two. > >With prior weekly release candidates there were concerns raised by Torvalds that this might be a cycle needing to go with an extra "-rc8" candidate before declaring the stable kernel. But this week Linux 6.8-rc7 did tick on the smaller side and in turn Linus expressed the possibility of not needing 6.8-rc8, in which case the Linux 6.8 stable release would happen next Sunday on 10 March. But if things don't go smoothly, Linux 6.8-rc8 would come then and then v6.8 the following Sunday.
Statcounter is reporting that Linux on the desktop has surpassed 4% of market share compared to just 1.53% in October 2020. The reasons for the increase aren't known but we speculate about the cause.
>Statcounter, a website that tracks the market share of web browsers, operating systems, and search engines, is reporting that Linux on the desktop has over 4% market share for the very first time (Statcounter records ChromeOS as a separate operating system despite being based on Linux). Statcounter doesn’t provide any explanation about why the market share has increased but we can speculate what’s going on. > >Linux’s march to its 4.03% market share has been a steady process ever since the final months of 2020 when Linux held just 1.53% of desktop market share. One of the biggest contributors to the growth of Linux is likely the stringent hardware requirements of Windows 11.
Data is consistent with bosses using RTO to reassert control and scapegoat workers.
> Overall, the analysis, released as a pre-print, found that RTO mandates did not improve a firm's financial metrics, but they did decrease employee satisfaction. > > Drilling down, the data indicated that RTO mandates were linked to firms with male CEOs who had greater power in the company. Here, power is measured as the CEO’s total compensation divided by the average total compensation paid to the four highest-paid executives in the firm.
This is an interesting metric. And the research outcome makes a lot of sense.
Also, RTO policies are garbage - but I'm stating the obvious.
Desperate state of health system means unnecessary amputations being done on kids as young as 1, surgeon says
Before the war started in Gaza, Moustafa Ahmed Shehda would run around and play with his friends. Now, the 12-year-old is one of a growing number of Palestinians in the territory who've lost a limb in a bombing.
Moustafa is from Jabalia in northern Gaza, which has been hit particularly hard in the fighting. Early on in the war between Israel and Hamas, he was visiting his uncle when the apartment building was bombed.
"I was under the rubble. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't breathe," Moustafa told Mohamed El Saife, a freelance journalist in Gaza working for CBC News.
His uncle was killed, and Moustafa was pulled from the rubble. Because of the extent of his injuries, his right leg had to later be amputated below the knee.
"Before the war, I used to play with my friends," he said. "I can't play because of my injury. I can't play, and I don't have friends, and I don't have anything."
Palestinian health officials said on Saturday that 26,257 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza since Israel began bombing the small enclave of 2.3 million people in retaliation for the Oct. 7 attack on southern Israel by Hamas-led militants while nearly 65,000 have been wounded.
CHICAGO—With the airline industry continuing to suffer under the ongoing recession, the Boeing Company was forced Monday to lay off Al Freedman, the only guy left at the corporation who knows how to keep wings from falling off planes. "We used to have a whole team of engineers who knew how to make t...
An oldie, but a goodie - in honor of the news with that Max model losing its Window at high altitudes.
It turns out engineering is important. Who could have known? /s
At least two crowd members holding signs saying ‘union members for Trump’ and ‘auto workers for Trump’ turned out to be neither
Signs touting ‘auto workers for Trump’ at Michigan rally found to be fake – report At least two people holding signs saying ‘union members for Trump’ and ‘auto workers for Trump’ turned out to be neither
Martin Pengelly in Washington @MartinPengelly Thu 28 Sep 2023 10.48 EDT When Donald Trump gave a speech in Michigan on Wednesday, seeking to capitalise on the United Auto Workers strike, at least two crowd members holding signs saying “union members for Trump” and “auto workers for Trump” turned out to be neither.
The Detroit News reported: “One individual in the crowd who held a sign that said ‘union members for Trump’ acknowledged that she wasn’t a union member when approached by a reporter after the event.
“Another person with a sign that read ‘auto workers for Trump’ said he wasn’t an auto worker when asked for an interview. Both people didn’t provide their names.”
The paper said between 400 and 500 people attended the event, at a non-unionised automotive parts supplier in Clinton Township.
Trump skipped a Republican debate in California to visit Macomb county. Politico pointed out why, saying Macomb “occupies a unique role on the political map.
“Of the more than 3,000 counties in the US, it’s hard to find one that’s a better barometer of the atmospheric conditions affecting the 2024 election [than] Macomb county, with its high percentage of UAW workers.
“… The blue-collar suburb is often referred to as a bellwether, though … it’s more like an indicator species in biology, offering important clues on the environmental health of an ecosystem.”
One attendee at Trump’s speech who was an auto worker, Doug King, 55, told the Detroit News: “The four years under Trump were the best years that we had in the auto industry.”
Trump told workers negotiations between the UAW and Ford, General Motors and Stellantis “don’t mean as much as you think”.
Railing against the shift to electric vehicles, he added: “You can be loyal to American labour or you can be loyal to the environmental lunatics. But you can’t really be loyal to both. It’s one or the other.”
A spokesperson for Joe Biden, Kevin Munoz, called Trump’s speech “incoherent”, “pathetic” and “recycled”.
Trump went to Michigan a day after Biden. On Tuesday, in a historic moment in neighbouring Wayne county, Biden joined a UAW picket line and expressed support for striking workers.
The president did so at the invitation of the union president, Shawn Fain. Fain did not meet Trump, telling CNN the former president, the Republican presidential frontrunner, “serves the billionaire class”.
“I see no point in meeting with him because I don’t think the man has any bit of care about what our workers stand for, what the working class stands for,” Fain said. “He serves the billionaire class and that’s what’s wrong with this country.”
WASHINGTON—In an effort to address voters hurt by recent actions that resulted in her being thrown out of a theatrical performance, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) announced Friday that she would personally jerk off any constituents she offended. “In the past week, I’ve heard from many supporters who...
WASHINGTON—In an effort to address voters hurt by recent actions that resulted in her being thrown out of a theatrical performance, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) announced Friday that she would personally jerk off any constituents she offended. “In the past week, I’ve heard from many supporters who were concerned by my behavior in recently released footage, which is why I’m offering to make things good between us by jacking you off,” said Boebert, instructing supporters to contact her office with proof of Colorado residency and she would personally travel to their home to deliver an on-the-house tugjob. “As a disclaimer, I will be wearing a latex glove and you need to wipe yourself off afterwards. I’m not going to do that. I’m serious about making amends, however, so feel free to rest your hand on my breasts, if necessary. Just know that this a one week only deal. So get in touch soon.” At press time, Boebert also warned her constituents that she planned to vape the entire time.
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