Once it's out of sight, it doesn't exist

I have memory for many many things. What I don't have is the ability to recall them when I want. Also I wonder how can I have good long time memory while having zero short memory, it's a mystery to me.

41

The ability to consistently recall words/names of things is one of the most apparent changes when I'm medicated vs non-medicated.

17
- Really? It improves for you? May I ask what you take?
  
  Cause for me it's a bit tricky, some medications I've tried have made me completely unable to remember words in regular speech, causing me to give up on treatment with those.
  
  But on the other hand, others don't tend to do much for my attention deficit, despite boosting my attention.
  
  2
how can I have good long time memory while having zero short memory

Sometimes when people have short-term or working memory issues, the brain over-relies on long-term memory to compensate.

6

This is exactly why I keep the messages unread so that I don't forget to reply later, and eventually keep them unread for weeks making it useless to reply after so long, therefore giving up and not replying anyway

39

Does it cause you anxiety thinking about replying? Because that's what it's like for me

9
- It gives me guilt every time I see the unread notification from weeks ago.
  
  13
- I currently have 301 unread text messages (not even close to my high score). For me, the anxiety wore off and was replaced with a sense of defeated relief.
  
  If I get bored, I can go through them without feeling any obligation to respond at all.
  
  2
Wow, stop attacking me.

2

For this reason I refuse to take any actions that would mark a message as read until I'm confident I have time to reply to it.

31

Messaging apps need a "remind me later" feature, so I can mentally steel myself for what I have to do.

17
- On Android, you can snooze any notifications for an hour or two, which is nice.
  
  14
This just leads me to have them unread forever.

9
- A very real risk.
  
  Make time to check them if it's important or be clear that it's a dead communication line if you can't maintain it. As a fellow ADHDer I've had to back out of a few different platforms because I simply can't allow myself to engage with them - if someone @s me on Facebook I'll see it in six months to a decade... I do try and make sure my contacts all have good lines to me if they need to reach out, though.
  
  5
- And anxiety because my phone is telling me there's some incomplete task!
  
  4

My problem is I don't answer in my head. I think to myself, I need to craft a reply but I need time to do that, but then I don't want to make the time to do it, and then I just don't do it or I wait until way later when I crack and think "well I gotta say something" and send a half-assed reply just to put it out of mind.

Answering texts is virtually no different to doing homework in my brain.

19

This is a perfect explanation of what it feels like

5
I often will write a response, anywhere from just starting it to complete, but the send button is very regularly missed. I don't realise I never sent it until either the next time they message, or I need to message them, then it needs to be edited to say I forgot to hit send

2
- This is me and it's painful. My wonderful partner has developed a 6th sense for if I must've forgot to hit send on a reply
  
  3

What about, "I panic about my planned reply and hesitate"

17

I remember it randomly, but I think "oh, no I haven't responded to this in so long, I can't respond to it now" and agonize about it for the rest of time while still never responding or finally working up the courage to weeks or months later

11

This is my wife's biggest trigger, people not responding to texts, for some reason it will lodge in her brain all day when her friends do this.

8

But what if the text doesn't need a response?

6
- k
  
  4
- an emote or shorthand message suffices fine for one off messages that don't need to have an actual response I've found.
  
  message: "I'm home now"
  
  reply: 👍 or 👀 or even a "nice!"
  
  2
It's one of my pet peeves as well, I'm one of the people that if I read a post I try to reply to it as soon as possible, balanced communication is a form of respect between two parties. While this doesn't mean you need to respond to the post immediately, reading the post and then choosing not to reply to it or delaying it till you forget to, in my opinion is disrespectful to the person who sent you the message

1

In case anyone else could benefit from this knowledge, you should be able to mark texts unread on most phones now. I need that little red dot to remind me!

7

The red dot means nothing to me. My brain has apparently learned to block it out nearly completely.

7
- It's a constant arms race in my brain between finding methods to remind myself and my ability to ignore any and all reminders.
  
  3

Im the opposite- if you text me it will derail me for at least an hour as I will immediately reply and get into a conversation to the detriment of whatever task I should be doing

7

OMG, are you my boss? Love the guy but he CAN NOT ignore a call or text, even if we're up on staging holding something above our heads to install it... and even if it's just his useless ex-wife!!

1
- Hey, I found that ex wife very useful to your story
  
  2

This is why I have to overcome my phone call anxiety and inform anyone that I can't even acknowledge a notification on my phone without risking forgetting, and they need to call me if they want any kind of timely response. And since I'm currently unmedicated I force myself to just not acknowledge/dismiss/click on any notifications until I know for sure that I'm prepared to take the time it takes me to respond to something.

5

Usually for me it's I have to check with my wife about the question...and then forget about it I'll never think of it again until it's far too late.

2

Same except for the part where they forget about the text

2

Am I the only person who heard this in the voice of the character in the pfp?

2

I never understood this, if you read the msg, why not just respond to the msg, this isn't the first time I've heard this either, like "I read your text but forgot to reply"... ok so why not just reply to the text when you read it that way you can't forget to later lmao

It saves us so much hassle for both parties in the long run

1

For lots of people with ADHD, they'll put things off until a future moment when they're more focused. It's just an attempt to conserve a limited resource, but it doesn't always work well.

5
- I have ADHD myself, so I understand how it is to struggle to concentrate, but I also respond to a message as soon as I read it, I find it super disrespectful for someone to not at least acknowledge that they have read the comment, even if it is a simple "hey I read it but I can't reply right now"
  
  In my eye communication is a two-way street and it's a form of respect between both parties and if one end of the party isn't going to respect the conversation enough to at least acknowledge it, then you start questioning if it's worth engaging in the conversation in the first place.
  
  Personally I would rather be told hey sorry I didn't get your message till now, rather then learn that they had read the post, didn't say anything and then forgot to reply later. It's a slap to the face.
  
  addition: It's just a minor pet peeve of mine, it is also the reason why I try to avoid any platform that has read receipt notices, because in my opinion it just information that the sender really shouldn't know in the first place because it opens them up to knowing it was read they just didn't bother responding
  
  1

New Lemmy Post: Once it's out of sight, it doesn't exist (https://lemmyverse.link/lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/23499165)
Tagging: #memes

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