2 mo. ago • 68%

Addressing your significant other by their actual name should be more normalized.

Personally, I have never gotten the hype by the names “baby,” “babe,” “bae,” “honey,” it feels forced to me. I’ve seen those TikTok videos where as a joke people will address their spouses by their real names and the spouses get mad and say something like “my family and friends can call me that, but you can’t.” I’ve never gotten the seriousness of it. If we already know we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife, why should I have to address you by those names? Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with saying them, but using real names should become more common as well.

57 comments

TikTok is not real life. Nobody I know doesn’t use real names when addressing their spouse. I’ve literally never even met someone who would act the way you’re describing.

67
- We've been married 15 years. If we use a first name to address each other it usually means we are out in public and trying to find one another. And that is only because if I shout 'QD(cutie)' 5 women will turn around thinking it is their SO so it isn't super useful.
  
  If you bugged our house you would think my wife's name is Dear, QD, Darling, Beautiful, or "HOLY SHIT CHECK THIS OUT". There is almost no chance you'd catch either of our real names on that tape.
  
  18
  
  Wife did that at our wedding, shouted, "POGIE!" at the group of guys I was standing with and we all looked at the same time.
  
  (Guys were all Americans, girls all Filipinos. "Pogie" = "hottie" in Tagalog.)
  
  4
- i know a lot of people who use babe and honey in real life.
  
  you've never met anyone in your life who uses pet names for their SO?
  
  2
  
  Never using real names ≠ not using pet names.
  
  I also have never met a couple that never calls each other by their given name. That doesn't mean those same people never use pet names.
  
  18
  
  That was not what I said. Reread what I said. Your entire argument in this comment section is based off of a complete misreading of my comment.
  
  1
- One of my friends does it. It is a real thing.
  
  1
- Permanently Deleted
  
  -3
- they didn't write or claim the vague and pointless response
  
  "everybody uses their real names".
  
  they specifically claimed two things:
  
  "Nobody I know doesn’t use real names when addressing their spouse."
  
  then they double down with
  
  "I’ve literally never even met someone who would act the way you’re describing."
  
  "literally never".
  
  -4
- TikTok was an example. But those are real couples. I don’t know where you’re from but using real names is definitely not as common
  
  -7
  
  Sounds like they are joking. The situations are obviously engineered and not reality when using a camera to record stuff for reactions and engagement.
  
  9
  
  using pet names, titles, or other things like that are useful in media when you want to convey the relationship.
  
  Like when a movie has a man greet a woman. If he just said 'hi jill' you wouldn't know who she is to him. If he says 'hey babe' you assume they're in a relationship.
  
  So idk what is actually more common in real situations but it's easy to assume people only use pet names when you're not going to see anyone's actual one on one conversations
  
  2
  
  I don't get the agenda the other comments are trying to push by pretending people don't use terms of endearment, but don't worry, you're definitely in the right here.
  
  "terms of endearment" or "pet names" are common phrases because of the commonality of pet names, especially in romantic relationships.
  
  -10
It's very normal to call your partner by their first name. It's also normal to use pet names.

Both are normalized.

33
Probably something you won’t need to worry about until you start showering daily.

15
- Never had that kinda problem when it comes to dating. And until I do, I’ll keep showering every other day, like normal.
  
  0
We use both and never wasted a second thinking about it. Why do you?

10
Find something more productive to do with your mental capacity. It's their relationship, not yours. It's none of your business and your opinion is not asked for. I have no earthly idea why you think you are that important to anyone to say some generalization on something so mundane.

You have your right to your opinion and share it with the Internet and now it's up for a rebuttal. It's between them. If they want to call each baby or babe or honey it's their relationship. They aren't asking for your participation. They are most certainly not asking for your evaluation either.

7
- First you said “my opinion was not asked for” then you said “I have the right to my opinion and to share it with the internet.” You contradicted your entire statement. I never said it was a problem, I said using real names should be more normalized. It’s called unpopular opinion key word “opinion.” You’re the one wasting your time getting overly offended for people that you don’t even know.
  
  -1
  
  That's not a contradiction. That's a fact. You have the right to your opinion, but the minute you share you open yourself to others opinions of yours. And I shared mine. It's none of your concern.
  
  3
Been with my SO for 10 years and we use pet names!

Honey and babe we use, they're short and sweet! A quick "Honey dinners done" is to the point, and I'm indicating I'm ready to have a sweet 'intimate' moment with her. It doesn't feel forced to use at all, no cringe feelings. We both find it endearing :).

BUT that doesn't mean I dont use their name lol. If I know she has a headphone in, ill use her name because I know she'll catch on that I'm calling for her quicker. Or if its for something more serious, like I need you come look at this with me. Oh and especially in public, as others have pointed out.

sorry you find it cringe babes we just love each other ❤️

6
- Glad you and that person have a great relationship. I just think it’s fine and normal to use actual names as well.
  
  1
It is common to use actual names and sweet names, and nicknames are common, as saying a full name is a little formal. I may use the full name when wanting to get the attention of my partner.

4
It's heavily because you call out to your SO a lot, and their full name is a mouthful.

Typically words like "babe", "hun", etc are the lowest effort pet name. The "b" percussive is one of the easiest to pronounce.

Usually this is simply to make communication faster and easier, "hun" is way faster to say than whatever their full name is.

This becomes do commonplace that after being together for many years, their full name is reserved for emergencies.

Like if you cut yourself or are hurt or whatever, you instinctually use their full name to grab their attention and alert them. (People alert to their full name way easier and can hear it better)

This results in producing an alarm "wtf?" response when you use it casually, it makes them whip their head up and their brain goes "is something wrong?"

Then when they realize the situation is fine, it becomes a sort of "you spooked me for nothing! Don't!" result.

You effectively reserve the full name only when you are trying to get their attention.

4
I can't be sure of the popularity of the opinion since I've never heard anyone talk about the subject online or in person.

I would, however, question whether or not one is more common than the other. Tiktok is a pretty bad place to judge reality from, and I can't say I've ever been in a household where given names vs "pet" names were noticeably out of balance. Mind you, I was only in home health for maybe 17 years out of the total of twenty I was doing that work, so the sample set is smaller than it could be. Plus, that sample set leans hard to people that were over 50 and/or dealing with health issues, so that could change things too.

Anyway, the generic pet names weren't something I experienced being used more than the "actual" name. Now, that includes variants of a name that would appear on ID, like an Elizabeth being called Beth, since many people prefer diminutives to their full given name.

Now, personalized pet names are pretty commonly used more than given names. Like, I used to date this really wonderful lady named Melissa. I would often call her my honey bee (which isn't unusual for Melissas, since that's the origin of the name), and she'd call me her teddy bear. So we never really used the generic ones at all, but the use of the personalized terms of endearment was still roughly equal to our given names (and we both use the full version of our names).

So, I can't tell if your opinion is popular or not, but I'm moderately confident that using "actual" names is already normalized. It's a common thing, and pretty much everyone I've known uses both pet names (generic or personal) intermixed with given names with at least approximate frequency.

4
My ex and I exclusively used first names. That or "dummy".

3
I use baby naturally, some Spanish cutesy pet name, or a nickname that I made up because that's what feels good for me. Honey strikes me as weird or distant like some exhausted married couple on a tv show, so I have never used it. Babe also feels off to me too. But, I don't really care what other people call their romantic partners unless it's something interestingly different. I think that you should do whatever you want in your relationships.

2
when i hear "honeyyyyy", my immediate reaction is usually "oh they're not real people".

2
Eh, for me typically petnames have been used in private, like at home, and actual names are used in public. Also, with my experiences, the pet names were usually more unique than "honey" or "babe" etc. It usually was generated from an inside joke or the like. Both endearing and slightly teasing.

Names like "Brandy" "Skit skit" "smidget" or "One step"

2
At my house we use regular names mostly.

The rest of the time is sarcastic names. She calls me "handsome" or "poo head", for instance.

2
Some of it is personality. I call my wife by the short form of her name but I do that with pretty much everybody but she calls me by various things but she does that with everyone. Like she will call other women honey, hun, sugar, sweety, etc. So we both refer to each other the same way we do others.

2
I always feel like I'm in trouble when my SO calls me by my name.

2
As a pet name fan, it does kinda feel like we're dating again when I use a proper name. That said I do use it occasionally in private, usually when I'm talking about something fairly serious, or when I'm trying to get their attention. "Hey so-and-so, can you please..." or somesuch. I always use the proper name in public.

Anyway, I don't think real names are that unusual.

1
I don't know. I think it would lead to weird conversations, especially during romantic events.

Jane: John, please put your pipi in my vivi soon as I believe I am properly irrigated.

John: Solid copy, Jane. I will proceed to initiate the insertion protocol.

Jane: I appreciate that, John.

John: You are welcome, Jane.

Jane: Oh my, John. That feels too big.

Jack: Sorry, Jane. That was me. I was distracted watching the news on the television when you spoke and must have misheard. I will pull out my pipi from your vivi, Jane.

Jane: Jack, you're so distracted! haha

John: Announcement! I have completed the insertion protocol, everyone. Jane, is it too big?

Jack: Ouch! That is me, John.

John: Jack, oops. I think I am also distracted by the news on the television. The story about the wiffle ball team going to a Major League baseball game was engaging due to the similarities and differences between the two sports. Nonetheless, I will initiate the withdrawal protocol from Jack.

Jack: Thank you, John.

Jane: Attention in the mess hall including John and Jack! I have decided to terminate my participation in the currently proceeding intercourse attempt. Please robe and vacate within 53 second per the terms of services. I love you, John, Jack, and Jake.

Jake: Thank you, Jane.

Jane: You are welcome, Jake.

Jack: Thank you, Jane.

Jane: You are welcome, Jack.

John: Oh my, everyone. The wiffle ball team was at the baseball game. Is not that interesting?

Jake: John, please pay attention.

Jane: Thank you for getting John's attention, Jack.

Jack: Jane, that was not me. Jake, please inform Jane that it was you that acquired John's attention.

Jake: Jack, I will. Jane, it was I that acquired John's attention.

Jane: Oh, Jake, thank you. Also, I retract my thanks to Jack.

John, Jack, & Jake: Noted, Jane.

John: Thank you, Jane.

Everyone: Okay, bye!

The End

See what I mean??

0
- If you replace every name with a term of endearment, this is still super fucking weird. This has nothing to do with pet names.
  
  10
  
  I was gonna say this on reading. pipi? vivi? im outa here.
  
  2
  
  I ran a test script below switching everyone's names to the pet name Muffin to get a feel for it and have provided an analysis after.
  
  Adapted Script
  
  Jane: Muffin, please put your pipi in my vivi soon as I believe I am properly irrigated.
  
  John: Solid copy, Muffin. I will proceed to initiate the insertion protocol.
  
  Jane: I appreciate that, Muffin.
  
  John: You are welcome, Muffin.
  
  Jane: Oh my, Muffin. That feels too big.
  
  Jack: Sorry, Muffin. That was me. I was distracted watching the news on the television when you spoke and must have misheard. I will pull out my pipi from your vivi, Muffin.
  
  Jane: Muffin, you’re so distracted! haha
  
  John: Announcement! I have completed the insertion protocol, Muffins. Muffin, is it too big?
  
  Jack: Ouch! That is me, Muffin.
  
  John: Muffin, oops. I think I am also distracted by the news on the television. The story about the wiffle ball team going to a Major League baseball game was engaging due to the similarities and differences between the two sports. Nonetheless, I will initiate the withdrawal protocol from Muffin.
  
  Jack: Thank you, Muffin.
  
  Jane: Attention in the mess hall including Muffin and Muffin! I have decided to terminate my participation in the currently proceeding intercourse attempt. Please robe and vacate within 53 second per the terms of services. I love you, Muffin, Muffin, and Muffin.
  
  Jake: Thank you, Muffin.
  
  Jane: You are welcome, Muffin.
  
  Jack: Thank you, Muffin.
  
  Jane: You are welcome, Muffin.
  
  John: Oh my, Muffins. The wiffle ball team was at the baseball game. Is not that interesting?
  
  Jake: Muffin, please pay attention.
  
  Jane: Thank you for getting Muffin’s attention, Muffin.
  
  Jack: Muffin, that was not me. Muffin, please inform Muffin that it was you that acquired Muffin’s attention.
  
  Jake: Muffin, I will. Muffin, it was I that acquired Muffin's attention.
  
  Jane: Oh, Muffin, thank you. Also, I retract my thanks to Muffin.
  
  John, Jack, & Jake: Noted, Muffin.
  
  John: Thank you, Muffin.
  
  Everyone: Okay, bye!
  
  The End
  
  I think you're right. The thing that sticks out to me is that it becomes difficult to recognize to whom a person is speaking. For instance, let's consider the following line:
  
  Jane: Attention in the mess hall including Muffin and Muffin! I have decided to terminate my participation in the currently proceeding intercourse attempt. Please robe and vacate within 53 second per the terms of services. I love you, Muffin, Muffin, and Muffin.
  
  Jane tries to get the attention of everyone present with emphasis on two specific people. Since she used the pet name Muffin for both, it is hard to discern specifically who, so we need to conduct a logic analysis. Reviewing the history of the script until that line, we notice that only three characters have been introduced. We could temporarily assume that she is not trying to get her own attention (this assumption is discussed further below), so that leaves John and Jack left. Be that as it may, she does say everyone, which can imply that there are other people. She also explicitly calls two people by name, which could suggest that there are other people present since she would not have to have mentioned them by name otherwise. Still and all, she could be an inefficient speaker, so we cannot be certain either way. For the sake of deduction, we have to conduct a run through by holding these assumptions as true for the time being. Precipitously, it gets even crazier because there are three characters to whom she refers to by pet name at the end. Holding our assumption that she is not referring to herself, our previous deductions would be proven invalid. That would clear things up for us as we would now know that she is referring to the first two Muffins in particular, just not who those two would be by discernible name. It also leaves us a bit charmed as to who is the possible new Muffin. Per contra, that would be holding our assumption that Jane is not referring to herself. I have heard people call themselves by name, so we cannot be certain. I conjecturize that if we had enough data, would could analyze how often someone refers to themselves by name, then use statistical methods to analyze and conclude confidence percentages.
  
  In any case, I agree with you. Using pet names does not measurably make this interaction less weird. But something still feels uncomfortable. I wonder what it is then. Any ideas?
  
  1
Using a less endearing way to address your SO, such as their name, is usually a huge sign of discontent. Likewise, using some cutesy moniker instead is a sign of content and love for the other person. So if that isn't used, then usually it is because something is wrong.

-1
- I think this is largely dependent on the individual. So for some people this may be true but not for others.
  
  2
- My wife on the other hand has a name that is constantly butchered (or, at least was when we lived in Ohio) and it's a relief for her to hear her name pronounced correctly.
  
  1

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