"why would i change my passwords?"

Need the opposite costume, the overly eager sys admin.

wants to force password changes once a month for security
constantly changing security policies to reflect the flavor of the month
constantly sends out phishing emails tests, wonders why no one replies to any of his emails

80

My fucking uni is trying to move to passwordless, but you will always need a password to log onto any lab device, and to the wifi, so why?

19
- I mean you don't actually need a password for that when it's implemented the right way
  
  8
A website once complained my password contained 3 consecutive letters there were 1 away from each other. This was back when I used sentences for passwords. It was complaining about the word worst because of r-s-t.

17
- That's wack. Passphrases are second only to random passwords generated by a password generator in terms of security, character proximity doesn't matter with that much length.
  
  11
- Jesus fuck
  
  2
Then they have you make it some 12 character length minimum string with mixed case and special characters and dictionary lookup so it isn't some common phrase but you're also logging in through a telnet instance onto a Unix system.

10
As someone in the InfoSec field, I also hate those people.

8
Sysadmin: “A clear indication of phishing email is the sense of urgency. We would never send out any email regarding urgent updates that needs immediate action.”

Also sysadmin: “URGENT!!! You must update your system now before Friday!!! Click link here for instructions! Otherwise you will be locked out!”

5
- Spot on. We're changing XYZ policy and we need everyone to do this training within the week. Wait, why's no one opening my emails
  
  3
Then do this to computer-shaped instrument controller systems that have accounts that can not have passwords changed or the application won't run. Or service accounts, so if you pop in after 6 months, nobody knows the current password and the IT guy only comes in 2 hours/week. And that was yesterday. And no, no contact information present...

1

Installs antivirus on servers that wrecks application performance
installs content filtering proxy that prevents developers from reading “hacking materials” like OWASP documentation
won’t let developers install anything on their own machines without filing a ticket and waiting 6 weeks
pushes unannounced antivirus updates that pop up OS security dialogs like “Netscan Antivirus would like to monitor all network traffic. Enter your password to approve”, and is surprised when users don’t enter their passwords.

Your corporate IT guy

58

We might work at the same company lmao. My laptop is borderline unusable due to all the monitoring garbage despite having really fast hardware

10
Sigh. Their hearts are in the right places...

9
- They usually don't have a choice. They know this stuff is bad, but they need it to demonstrate compliance with XYZ framework so they can fill out the marketing copy so sales can land a contract with some big customer that wants to know why $competitor has better security than you.
  
  1

Password expiration is no longer considered a best practice. FYI.

51

For provoking fury it is.

https://neal.fun/password-game/

18
- I got to step 20, where my password suddenly caught on fire and Paul died.
  
  My day is ruined.
  
  13
- expired
  
  1
Yes, that's true, and hasn't been considered so for a long time

11
why so?

2
- Encourages users to just add a rotating number or other not too secure thing to their password. I know that’s what I did when I worked somewhere with that dumbfuck policy.
  
  3
It was never best practices for anyone who had common sense.

It just forced people to make insecure, easy to remember passwords, cause they were gonna be changed in again soon so why make it complicated and hard to remember.

2
- I know I do this. Add another exclamation mark.
  
  3
Oh really? How come?

1
- NIST removed password expiration from their recommendations in 2020. Instead they recommend only forcing password changes when compromise is suspected.
  
  The main argument is that they do not make users or systems demonstrably safer and encourage bad password habits.
  
  9
- I would imagine most users change their password by only 1 character, and maybe even in sequential order.
  
  When time comes to change the password, it becomes password1234 instead of password123. Or password234. Something easy to remember, most users don't care about best security practices, and changing to a similar password is very convenient. Especially if it's "only" for work stuff
  
  6
- The original idea was that you would take how long it took to brute-force a password, then require the password be changed before that. But we have better hashing now, like bcrypt, where you can tune it so that brute forcing anything would take 100s of years.
  
  2

“What do you mean this password is too short? I use it for everything!”

41

"how many times do i have to tell you that your name + your birthday date js not a good password!"

9
Needs a special character?

Password123!

5

Even worse is the CEO.

He needs access to everything and he's far too important to waste time with security.

38

This is the reason why those scams are so successful:

"Hi this is the CEO, wire $10000 to this account right now, we need it there yesterday. I don't have time to talk, just do it. Bye"

11

"My files are highly confidential"

password is suburb+suburbpostcode

27

I used to have a lady I worked with who was like this. She had the common sense of a fucking carrot and was dumb as shit. What was weird is she was highly skilled in the one job she was hired for, the rest of the time she would click on everything and I would had to fix her computer multiple times a week. One time I tried to walk her thru something on the phone and I told her to click on an icon, her response was "Whats an icon?"

19

I bet he also picks up USB sticks from the parking lot and plugs them into his work computer.

19

On the other side of things, don't you love systems that return "invalid password: password is not unique"?

16

The cybersecurity email tests I get at work are so transparent - Hi user, You have an unpaid invoice, please follow link to pay immediately.

I wish I could I could reply no I don't fuck off but I'd probably get in trouble lol

13

At my work the company wanted to show some gratitude and sent out email with free ice cream vouchers to everybody. Many suspected this was just another one of these cybersecurity email tests, so the company had to clarify it’s all real.

I think it’s hilarious the thought about hackers using ice cream as bait. Maybe that would work?

13
- Well, I guess it's good that people were being vigilant. But yes, I guess anything could work
  
  4
- Evidently not at your company
  
  4

Clicks on everything or is too scared to click on anything and never learns how to use the software

12

wait untill you hear "if i remember correctly my email password was {name} {surname} something @ gmail.com... what do you mean that's not it? why do i even need a password?"...

9

Fuck my email is (first name)(last initial)(birthday and month)@gmail.com

5

Searches for things online by typing it as a post on social media instead of using a search engine as in: "Google what is the weather like today near me?"

7

You must know my parents 😅

1

Hey. Password123 is progress, right?

4

They made me change it, so it's Password124 now.

9
- ... And then 2 months later, "why can't I log in"
  
  5