8mo ago

Piss-Soaked Tucker Carlson Claims Demon Urinated On Him While He Slept

theonion.com Piss-Soaked Tucker Carlson Claims Demon Urinated On Him While He Slept

BRYANT POND, ME—Describing the moment as a “transformative experience” that inspired him to embrace God and read the Bible, a piss-soaked Tucker Carlson claimed Friday that a demon had urinated on him while he was sleeping. “One moment I was asleep in bed, and the next, my boxers were absolutely soa...

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I type lol a lot, but I need you all to know that I fucking HOWLED laughing at this. God damn is the new onion on point.

Ate the onion again!
- You must have missed what he actually did say recently, which this article is mocking.
  
  Last I heard from him it was the "spanking". You'll excuse me if I don't want to seek out more.

I laughed so hard at this that a demon pissed on my pants too.

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAqkKbwvD1U

“The demon made me suck those men off too— and now my wife is pissed”

Hot damn the onions still got it.

Now this I believe

That Demon? JD Vance.

Omg, a rare onion article that sounded absurd to me and didn’t fool me. Takes me back to the before time… member?
- This is commentary on Tucker saying that a demon attacked him and clawed him up while he slept.

Ah, a "wet" dream!

Is that not what he actually said I thought it was?
- That's part of what makes it so great; the original story was equally insane.

Did Tucker happen to catch the most recent episode of The Casual Criminalist?
- Thanks for indirectly letting me know that a new episode dropped.
  
  Become consumed by the Whistlerverse.

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