can anyone tell me wtf this is?

I think that's the bug they put in Neo in the first Matrix film

Everyone is saying they're harmless, but we read house centipedes cam leave painful bites. I've never been bitten, that I know of, but when plagued with centipedes, I'd sometimes wake up with one of two types of mysterious bug bites: itchy, and painful. I know from prior experience that most North American spider bites are only ever itchy, so I always put the painful ones down to house centipedes. I can't prove it, though. Here are the facts I do know about house centipedes, from empiricle evidence:

• They like damp. You'll find them in damp spots, drains, around toilets, around damp areas in basements, etc. Not exclusively, but predominantly.
• They wage a secret war with spiders. Sometimes the spider wins, but usually the centipede does unless it gets trapped by a web.
• Alive, they move like the wind. Shockingly, alarmingly fast.
• When smacked, they explode into air and legs. So many legs, and not much else.
• Despite reports that they control other bugs, they are useless against real nuisance bugs like soldier and stink bugs. And for fly control, spiders do a better job. The only real thing we ever saw centipedes hunting were spiders.
• Small glue traps work really well at controlling them. I caution against large glue traps, as they might catch small rodentia, and if you want to know true horror, find a YouTube video of a mouse caught in a glue trap.

I'm team spider.

Thats a house centipede. Looks creepy, but its a nice house pet. It eats all of the other, undesireable, pests in your house.

It's a common house centipede.

Generally good critters. They do bite though.

That's a house centipede. They will leave you alone and eat lots of pests.

Forbidden shrimp

Goa'uld

https://eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com/Lesser+Kindred+of+Rot+(Pests)

I think it's a mindflyer parasite. If you hear it talking to you, make sure not to listen.

just a hard-working protector house centipede I think. harmless

My brother/sister in christ, have you considered nuking your neighborhood from orbit ?

Oh that’s no problem. Don’t worry about it.

Looks like a house centipede to me. Something for scale would be useful

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata

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Whenever I hear my wife scream, I know it's another house centipede I need to trap and throw outside (or smash and kill if I'm pressed on time)

Welp time to burn down the house

Looks like a dead centipede that got infected by a parasite in the legs

Do what I did and weld your house out of 20mm steel plate and have tightly controlled, thoroughly monitored and analyzed airflow, with a single two-stage entry hallway for washing off and inspecting your terran exploration suit and all acquisitions before entering your home.

I can pull a serious vacuum on this bitch, nothing's getting in unless I want it in.

Calories

I'm not an expert but it looks like a dead bug.

a good ol' centipede. they like crawling out of drains and usually completely harmless (they can bite afaik, but never happened to me, even though i liked to rip their legs off as a kid for some reason... also depends on the species)
this one is super chonky tho and has less legs then regular ones I've seen before... probably American one /s

House centipede. They eat other bugs and while scary looking are harmless. They like spiders appear from time to time without anything being wrong. They’re just looking for other bugs to eat.

What’s the size scale here … is that corn??

I stayed a night in a dorm room before a bike race. I saw one of these before I went to sleep but couldn't catch/kill it. I still slept like a baby.

It's not on fire.

Death. Now burn it or pray for a good afterlife.

That's not the actual image URL. It points to a webpage with the image. The image itself is here: https://gcdnb.pbrd.co/images/YCCuW7n9BhUB.jpg

Edit your post.

Looks like it's out of MIB

This shit is freaky! I would abandon that house and move to a different country lol

That's one of those sci-fi things that crawls into your belly button and makes its way up to your brain.

A sign to commit arson and find a new home.

Kos, or some say Kosm

get the fuck out of that house my guy

Creepy?

Burn the Entire House Down.

Salt its earth

Bury Toxic waste within its cavity and erect hostile architecture to warn everyone not to approach.

that is the ONLY logical solution here

A friend of Neeble https://meninblack.fandom.com/wiki/Neeble

Alien from The Hidden.

Throw some sweet baby Ray's on it

It's a bird

I think that's HR Geiger's pet prawn

oh hell naw who clicked the red bubble

Where in the world do these things live? I've never seen anything like it before, and we have some pretty crazy things you can find in a house here in Aus

Nightmare fuel

Saw the same thing in a nightmare last week

It’s a Run for your life!

That's a nope fam.

As others said, house centipede! Yours looks freaky AF, but generally when they aren't... FLESHY ugh shudder, they are pretty cute little fuzzy guys! Like little dachshund/robot/Roomba/bug hybrids with a mission to patrol and keep the mean bugs away from you. Smol friend!

bug

Funky bug thingie.

Crab People Crab People

The devil.

noooo... the doggie died...... :'(

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Me : )

That's roux 😢

kraken sperm

Yes, fair.

It sure is, buddy!

That to me looks like a creature that should not exist in my home. That is all I need to know. Because I killed a bunch of bees and spiders that invaded my house in the last week.

Burn it!

dinner

Cremling

I Dunno dawg, you should move out rn, it keeps your shit, I'm not touching it.