2y ago

Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People

www.theonion.com Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People

PORTLAND, OR—Charmed by how remarkably cruel everyone was, visiting friend Kaitlyn Hickman told reporters Tuesday that she was pleasantly surprised by Portland’s open hostility toward homeless people. “I was really concerned before coming here that people were going to try to extend aid to those wit...

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This is an Onion article. If you couldn't tell.

Any actual Oregon residents here? People tell me all the time I would love living there, but I'm a progressive/leftist in Bible belt va so it's suuuuuuuch a low bar 😂
- Oregon is a lovely place to visit, but it is a mess to live in. After the tourists have left, it rains like crazy here. Mosquitoes are big as Sherman tanks. The people are unfriendly... and most of us are starving... Our freeways are jammed tighter than scorched rice pudding. Our smog is awful... some days you can't see from Molalla to Silverton. Fuel bills are so high most people just build igloos in the back yard and spend the winter there... There are no fish in the streams... and nobody has seen a rose around here for years. Actually what happens in the summer when tourists come is that we paint our hills green, put up false silhouettes for mountains, borrow a few lakes from Washington and California, and hire some actors to look cheerful. So... spread the word. Oregon is a great place to visit, but no place to call home.[
  
  Don't forget that after the tourists leave, the supply mechanics of Voodoo doughnuts kick back in, resulting in copious amounts of doughnuts circulating around the city. This causes a temporary obesity problem but everyone works it off in the spring. I read a study in Nature talking about the ecological effects of this phenomenon but I didn't really understand it.
  
  Love, Tom McCall...
  
  Happy to spread the word for you but unfortunately I personally speak sarcasm 😂
  Also I like doom n gloom so 🤷
- I didn't know there were non-Oregon residents here.
  
  It got pushed to me, not my fault lol

the city seemed like somewhere she could really see herself heartlessly displacing families in the future.
Uh, I guess I am part of the gentrification problem. Idk how to not be while improving my QoL. Give away all my proceeds and keep living at the same (fairly low but above homeless) standard that I’ve grown up with?
I know it’s satire, but the point is, it’s making a point with sarcasm, right?
- Yeah being angry at people buying homes is incredibly stupid.
  How about being mad at the NIMBYs who push zoning laws that make it impossible to build dense apartments anywhere.
  Gentrification is a word that smart NIMBYs made up to deflect blame.
  Screw all housing related zoning laws.

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