Skip Navigation

low iq in love with high iq person, is that bad??

my lover is a very high iq person (140) and he's so awesome and yea has a lot of knowlegde about a lot of things, but recently i took an iq test and i got 85, it sucks, i told him that i hope that does not affect any aspect of our relationship!! and i'm not going to sugar code it but honestly i think that difference does cause a bit of trouble in our relationship because i am aware that my low iq may cause problems or it could make him feel annoyed/bothered!! what can i do to improve that?? i love him so much and i don't want him to feel like i don't understand him, sometiems i don't a lot but, i always understand the general idea of the stuff he likes and i'm always seeking out more knowledge from him and the wider internet. thank you!!!

edit: i've always thought i was 100 or 150+ iq because i am interested in open source software, linux, foss, gnu, the fediverse, and reading, etc!! programming too

33 comments
  • IQ is a stupid pattern recognition measurement made by a eugenicist and has been used to justify racism ever since. Don't take it too seriously, it does not measure intelligence.

    Here is a video

  • IQ is not a good measurement for intelligence.

    You might be interested in a podcast by Jamie Loftus titled My Year in MENSA.

  • There is nothing wrong about an IQ difference.

    Where there are problems is when the higher is annoyed by the other needing explanation or the lower having a complex about needing the explanation.

    If you love it when you don't get it and they can explain it in terms you understand and they love it when they can fulfill your curiosity, perfect.

    If you hate how they make you feel stupid or they are annoyed that you just don't get it no matter how they try to explain it, that is a problem and either party can be at fault in both cases. There is the old saying that if you can't explain it properly, you don't understand it fully, I feel that applies.

    Talk with them, be honest and raw in your thoughts. Express your concerns about how you, as you are, may be less than they deserve. If they love you, they will try so damn hard to express themself so that you understand.

    You shouldn't be asking the internet, ask them. Your insecurity or anxiety is not for us to cure, your partner is the only one that can beat that into your thick little skull. I joke, but really, there is no comfort or validation strangers on the internet can provide that beats your partner saying how much they love and appreciate you for you regardless of your flaws or shortcomings.

  • The only thing IQ measures accurately is how well you answer questions on IQ tests. For anything else, it's a vague approximation at best.

    Talk to your guy. Just knowing that you're working to understand him will make him feel loved.

  • I got some crazy genius IQ score when I was a kid because I was very good at taking tests and read a lot, good with language. Just happened to be good at what they were testing.

    If you like to do programming, create things, are curious and interested in things, you ARE NOT STUPID. Not everyone's intelligence runs to language or something tested by those tests. They are not really tests of potential, and the only reason my mom got us tested, the only reason I got two of my kids tested, was to get us into the better classes in school because they will only do it as an accommodation for a learning difference in.the public schools here. My other kids went to schools that promoted them based on their performance in class, which makes so much more sense.

    Now - my friend had a legit genius boyfriend and he was a raging asshole, I think because he had nobody who thought like him, he was alienated. But the problem was that he was an asshole, not that he was a genius. So as long as your partner is nice and you can talk to each other, there is no problem, don't borrow trouble and don't think of yourself as stupid.

  • I hate to admit it but seeing your post about IQ and then say, "I'm not going to sugar code it" had me laughing. People grow & change, and each person has their own talents. I am on the higher end of IQ but at the same time I struggle a lot with friendships. I have a hard time doing tasks that I see as menial like laundry, dishes, etc. I also struggle with a lot of artistic or creative tasks. My kids' mom even though we're not together anymore, she definitely would have been on the lower end. However, in many ways she's managed to do a lot more than me. She's able to make friends easier. She is able to conform to society and just gets things done that I struggle with. She also is very creative when it comes to projects & decorating. IQ is just a number, unless you're under like 55. Often relationships are about finding people that balance you out too. I could never date someone that is a lot like me. I get on my own nerves.

  • I recently went through the WAIS IV test through a professional facility. The test was pattern recognition and recollection, mid level mental math problems, memory recall, and a handful of other thought provoking questions. There was nothing in the exam that actually tested any knowledge in specific areas, because IQ isn't a measurement of a person's intelligence.

    My wife and I are very likely on opposite ends of the IQ spectrum, and that is not a problem. I think the difference in the way we think gives us more well rounded life experiences. My wife is well studied, well organized, and intelligent, but she's not strong in escape rooms, brain teasers, and trivia. I am far more analytical in how I go about things. I've got pretty decent recall and I am pretty good at breaking down problems to the core and breaking out solutions. We just live different personal lives with some things. I play music she walks the the dog. We have plenty of overlap in interests and hobbies that have nothing to do with IQ.

    Also, as other have mentioned, if you haven't paid a professional to administer this test, then ignore anything or anyone telling what your IQ is. Depending on which professional test you take, the scale is different. With WAIS IV, it's 40-160, but it's measured against the population. Idk how other do it, but it's different.

    Basically, IQ doesn't matter. Just live your life.

  • I find differences in intelligence alone often aren't the issue. It's more the difference in curiosity. Highly intelligent people tend to be naturally curious and always looking to understand and learn more about things. Less intelligent people tend to do that much less if at all.

    I had an ex that was much smarter than me academically speaking (she always had higher grades), but we ended up being incompatible because she just lacked the same level of curiosity or drive to understand things on a day to day level. She greatly lacked common sense and critical thinking.

    We still talk often and she asks me for help explaining things that school doesn't teach people and I need her help with basic algebra sometimes.

    IQ was always flawed and will always be flawed. Can't judge a fishes intelligence on its ability to climb a tree n all that.

    I'm a fucking moron but I tend to score 120+ on all those stupid online "IQ tests" because I am very good with multiple choice questions and pattern recognition.

    If you love the guy and you're happy don't let some bullshit IQ tests fuck that up.

33 comments