More like guidelines [Mr Lovenstein]

If it doesn't survive the machines, it doesn't belong in my house

Message sponsored by the dishwasher/washing machine/dryer gang

Same with toddler toys:
"It can go in the dishwasher, the washing machine, or the garbage".
- for real tho, this is advice I wish I had about one week into having a newborn.
  Absolutely terrified during his first blowout. "Put it allin the washing machine with baby-sensitive detergent" It was about an hour of fear that I just got liquid poo mixed in everything.
  Goddamn, did that ever make me respect the washing machine. Detergent, water, and spinning. Cat barfs on blanket? Washing machine. Kid barfs on everyone's clothes during his first real illness? Washing machine. Unknown Substance #1143 that smells worse than it looks? Washing machine.
  Don't even need to use anything other than cold water. No colors or shrinking to worry about that way.
Hang drying and you don't need to iron. (And clothes hold longer and needs a few kW/h less power).
- You just need full acre of basement for that.
- Unless it's raining all week.
- Nobody has time for that lmao, it takes what 10-20 minutes to hang up a full load?
  When I can just toss everything from the washer into the dryer and hit Start in <1 minute? Lol

This is me, the only exception is hand knitted or crocheted items. They're literally the only things I'll actually respect wash instructions on. If someone takes the time to make me something by hand, or if I spend the time to do it, I'll treat it right. Otherwise, that shit is going is going into the washer with shirts, jeans, two towels, a flat sheet, a little bleach, some powder detergent, and some downy. I know you're not supposed to downy towels, but ain't nobody got time for separating laundry in this bish.

Towels honestly dry you off SO much better when they're washed with no fabric softener. It's worth an extra wash to do towels separately
- Just stop using fabric softener in general. It's basically liquid plastic coating your clothes. 🤮🤢🤮
- Ew, you have sportsball equipment? The gay agenda is going to need a word with you. You're hurting our image. We abandoned respectability politics in the 2010s. You need to update your plan, or you could face serious fines and a loss of the ability of walk super quickly for no reason.
I don't do bleach or fabric softener, but I will use a garment bag for a style of t-shirts that I like but that fall apart otherwise.

Dryclean only means "I will never wear this sweater again"

"This sweater is dry-clean only, which means its dirty." -Mitch Hedberg
I once sent off my favourite tie that had a cool pattern on it to her dry cleaned.
It came back with the pattern partially erased.
A sad day for me.

"Whatever, dude, you're the one that has to wear me."

If you don't survive the gauntlet, you're in the next bag to the donation bin.
- Aka salvation army's trash delivery

My washing machine has a hand wash mode 👀

Does it use real hands or synthetic?
- No flex 💪 bro but my washing machine 🌀👚 uses fresh real hands 🤚 from the children 👶 in my basement.
- But Caaaaaaarl, amputated hands might stain the shirt!

Anything that breaks in the washing machine/dryer/dishwasher trifecta, doesn't deserve to live in our house.

None of my plates survived the washing machine. Fucking IKEA.
- And the dishwasher shredded my laundry. Stuff just isn't built to last anymore.
- They just want you to put your plates back together.

Do the manufacturers just do this to not be responsible if the shirt doesn't survive the machinery?

It's like dishware being not dishwasher safe
Sometimes they didn't want to pay for the testing and don't want to be liable (Probably cheap product) sometimes they didn't want to spend the extra 0.05¢/item to apply the proper coating/dyes/machine resistant features (Cheap product)
The rest of the time, it's truly because of "specialized" material, like wool.
If you're looking to buy clothing, it's best if you simply didn't buy anything that is "Handwash Only" (Unless it's something like wool).
If everybody checked and avoided buying "Handwash Only" clothing AND dishware, they would disappear off the market rather quickly (With the exception of special materials that truly can't be made machine-safe)
- Tbf knives will not stay sharp if you dishwash them. You just have to sharpen them more often if you do. So you’re either lazy not to hand wash them OR lazy not to sharpen them as much. Has nothing to do with how they are manufactured. Knives just don’t stay sharp in machine washing as the heat dulls it.
Some are damaged by washing in high heat or tumble drying them. Not like straight away but over time.
If I see this on something cotton or polyester, I just don't buy it as it insinuate cheap dying and manufacturing.
On wool, cashmere, etc. it's a bit more reasonable

"Best I can do is make it quick"

Punchline to the original Dilbert Comic (also fuck Scott Adams)

This is one of my favourites of his, I love the action hero face in the last panel

I love the smug entitled face on the shirt in the first panel.

I don't do anything else than laundry gauntlet.
I once washed one piece of cloth on its own but it felt like a huuuge waste!

Nowadays I take my chances. But I must say that my clothing doesn't seem to take that much damage (obviously they'd live longer otherwise but I don't want to fill a whole machine worth of water for one piece of clothing, that's nuts!).

I do laundry gauntlet too but a lot of my clothes are tattered and worn. Probably because I still wear a lot of the same clothes I was wearing 10 years ago though and less because of my laundry habits. I did finally retire my oldest jeans this year but the t shirts are still in good enough shape.

I don't think I've ever hand-washed anything. Then again, most clothes these days are build to be pretty disposable and include plastics instead of only natural fibers.

In goes a red shirt, out comes a pink tea cozy.

if that is how it be, then it always were a cozy

Relatable

I try to follow the instructions so the clothes survive for longer, but with older clothes with tears and shit, anything goes

I have a lot of $40-50 shirts; I definitely follow the directions so the silk screening doesn't get fucked. Though they only require being inside out and using cold water.

I did that with a sweater. Turns out you can't just wash it. Now it's super small. It is a hideous sweater, kind 9f looks like a shaggy bath mat. I miss it.

Good luck, we're all counting on you