11 mo. ago • 98%

Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

www.theonion.com Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

21 comments

That took me a dystopian amount of time to realize it was the onion...

138
- They got me too for a few moments.
  
  39
- What's a "dystopian amount of time"?
  
  7
  
  An amount of time that would only be expected if you're living in a dystopia.
  
  22
- Haha. I thought the same at first. Sounds about par tor the course.
  
  6
- Same. This is what makes this one brilliant.
  
  2
I wonder where he got that money to buy that food too. Probably from the pockets of a poor billionaire 😢

43
That’s what they get for showing up to work all fed and shit. Bet they’re the types of people who try to eat during working hours. Scum.

39
If she was so hungry then why didn't she die ?

Freaking fakers.

34
- You have been promoted to Shift Supervisor
  
  3
Amazon's such a shit company that I believed it, it wasn't until I scrolled and noticed the onion logo that I worked it out.

22
- Yeah, I ate the Onion at first on this one too.
  
  1
Damn employees, digesting instead of working.

21
Food was purchased outside of the company store

17
- This I could actually see happening. Or make it such a food desert that it's unthinkable to even try
  
  8
  
  I read somewhere that company towns are starting to make a comeback. It’s only a matter of time until rentals are contingent upon you patronizing their brands.
  
  9
Next they’ll start testing to make sure they still have urine in their bodies when they clock out, no taking any bathroom breaks on the clock!

9
This isn't too far from reality, it seems.

6
Given that this is the same company that makes people pee in bottles and keeps them after hours without pay... yeah not big surprise.. actually it is a big surprise... given that this is just satire

3

You've viewed 21 comments.