Let's put ice in the wine and chocolate in the hummus

Not even "pasta"? Tsk tsk.

It's all 'pasta' in my house. Including the spaghetti.
- And it's correct, all spaghetti are pasta, but not all pasta is spaghetti

Thinking any pasta besides spaghetti is spaghetti requires some major mental gymnastics

Bucatini and linguine are pretty similar tbf
- Yeah, empty spaghetti, flat spaghetti... you could also add the thick spaghetti : spaghettoni.

My wife calls them "noods"(nudes). "Can you grab the pool noods? We're having sketti tonight."

Growing up, my dad would always pronounce it "pasketti", and he'd elaborate by saying "I can't pronounce spaghetti, so I have to say pasketti"

This plus all the different Italian names for coffee which, as far as I can tell, are mostly just describing the amount of dairy added.

Not only the amount of dairy.
For Italians, "caffè" is just espresso. Then you have "americano", which is similar to filter coffee even though it's usually made by adding warm water to an espresso.
Then you have "ristretto", which is a shorter espresso.
- An americano is indeed an espresso (sometimes double shot) with added hot water. Not Italy specific though, it's just a different thing than filter coffee - but it's true that in Italy you can usually get the former but not the latter.
  Some other common coffees: lungo ("long", an espresso that's extracted for longer so it's a bit more "watery"), macchiato ("stained", an espresso with a bit of milk and foam in it, kinda like an espresso version of a cappuccino), macchiatone ("big macchiato", halfway between macchiato and cappuccino), corretto ("corrected", with a tiny bit of liquor, usually grappa or sambuca)
Just having bought an espresso machine and reading the coffee types listed...
Holy shit this is true, it's like eight types that only vary but dairy or even just the amount of "micro foam" on top.
Well, if the coffee was in different shapes, they would give them all sorts of different names too, even if its the same thing across the board.
- Starbucks already did it. They welcome all to order their more than 20 oz Venti, their medium Grande or their small Tall. Just don't pretend words have logical meanings while you drink your $10 burnt coffee.

Gnocchis isn't pastas it's potatos

I at least split it into categories like Spaghetti and Macaroni.

Which category do you place bucatini in?
- Spaghetti. Once cooked and with sauce and protein most people might not even notice the difference.
- Is there a larger hole bucatini? I'm thinking I could use them for "environmental" straws.
And what's a Farfalle? Or is this a cheeky sex joke?
- You can put it into the macaroni category or call it Bowtie. If you wanted to give me a harder one then Lasagna would have been a good choice.
- It's a race in Final Fantasy XIV.
Fun fact: the original neapolitan name for spaghetti was maccheroni.

both sides of the original meme are wrong, cmv

I must disagree. (not biased btw)

Let's put ketchup on pannacotta

Spagoots

Chocolate flavored hummus is actually pretty great. Makes a great dessert dip.

Came in to say this. Bean chocolate!

My partner and I call them all "noods". "Let's make noods later", "want some noods?", "these are my favorite noods".

Wait...not everyone knows this is the upper hirarchical term for them and thus says "noodles"???
- Nope, never even heard them called that. Must be a regional things.

Norwegian here:

Long thin stick - Spaghetti
Straight tube - Penne
Curved tube - Macaroni
Bow tie - Farfarelle
Made of potato - Gnocchi
Sheet - Lasagna
Everything else - Pasta

Where... The fuck... Is the fusilli?!

Pauli Walnuts referring to spaghetti and marinara as macaroni and gravy

See, I would call all those macaroni, that's the coverall for tube-shaped fork-sized pasta. Spaghetti are the long rounds. Linguine flats. And then all the big guys get their own names, manicotti, ravioli, and just stuffed shells, they probably got a band that ends in a vowel but it didn't make its way down to me from Grandma.

Dried flour

Good trolling! I'm not even Italian and even I find this infuriating.
Like, call it pasta if you don't know the name is. Even my wife knows that spaghetti is a specific type of pasta and not the general name.
And she might forget the specific names of the Italian kind but you can be sure she is a stickler for specifics when it comes to the Chinese noodles!

Compared to other cuisines, Italian is trash tier; not because it's not delicious, but because it just relies on cheese, fat, meat and carbs.

"Oh wow, this pasta sauce is so good" yea, it's made of cream, cheese and bacon, how was it going to taste, healthy?

Compare that to french cuisine where they put a bird inside the bladder of a livestock animal with wine and a billion native herbs, and steam it in that for 40 hours, where you actually have to have skill to make a culinary tradition.

Although Joël Robuchon can fuck off with his 50% butter 50% potato mashed patatos. No shit it tastes better than at home you prick, you might as well just put butter on a plate.

Ah yes the totally evil thing known as carbs, which can be broken down into 3 main types. Those being fiber (which you need to actually digest any food period), starches (which break down into the next category), and sugars (which is what powers your fucking body)!
Fats are like carbs and not inherently evil, it’s food it does not care for your human sense of morals. Which sense you brought up meat and cheese, yes those do have the more unhealthy saturated fats it is still fine to eat those in moderation. Both carry protein which actually makes you feel more full compared with other nutrients. So they these fatty foods can actually help you lose weight if you eat them.
Remember food doesn’t give a shit, it’s neither good nor evil and if you want to lose weight it’s best to eat reasonable portions of whatever makes you happy. As long as you run a calorie deficit then you can eat junk food and still lose weight.
- Thanks for bringing scientific explanations to a joke about a lack of artisanal subtlety in a cuisine. The original statement was about over reliance on easily delicious things instead of vision and ingenuity. Not sure how differentiating between starches and fibers suddenly adds innovative herb combinations and laborious cooking techniques.
The Fr*nch just add garlic to everything and smoke until their tastebuds fall off.
- If you hate garlic, you might want to check one of the few non carb/fat ingredients in Italian food: garlic.
…Italians not only have longer life expectancy then french, but also have a fack ton of centenarians
Ah yes, cream and bacon, true staples of genuine Italian cuisine
I think you're mixing up Italian cuisine with fake Italian-American cuisine, which has nothing to do with what actual Italians eat in Italy.
Tomatoes?
- That's post Colombian exchange, doesn't count 🤪