PSA

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

This is democracy manifest!
What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
- No, see, uh, boofing just means getting really drunk. Please let me be on the Supreme Court. I didn't put alcohol up my ass.
- Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!
Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.

Lest I checked, this was a free country

Literally 1984

Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).

First they came for the spring rolls...

Then I came for the spring rolls
Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3
- They also came for frozen potatoes
- You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?
  Way ahead of you.
And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"
And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

- the ring isn't flared at the base that's why
- Funniest meme of the day.
Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.
Because it means you have to poop out your mouth.
- No; i have an eating disorder.

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

Forbidden suppository

Too late, please advise.

- mmm i need lumpia

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

My spring rolls, my choice.

Why so strict? Let loose a little, give the choice to put juicy Asian rolls up you butt to someone else ...
- 💢**MY FUCKING SPRING ROLLS, MY FUCKING CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!**💢
  (Much amgery stomping noises _{fading off into the distance})
  [DOOR SLAMS VIOLENTLY, KNOCKING SEVERAL DECORATIVE DISHES FROM THEIR DISPLAY STANDS. END OF SCENE.]

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

Other people in the restaurant?
Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?
One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?
Only thing I can think of is a deep fried spring roll can be pretty sharp at the edges and can tear the delicate skin there.

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

Why wouldn't they be?

I can do whatever I want >:(

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

i thought it was that the only thing you should put in your ear was your anus so you could hear the brass section
edit: also get pink ear, can't forget about that

What about egg rolls?

That's okay
- Frozen? Or no?
Well how else are men supposed to get pregnant? Gotta have an egg to get fertilized.

Where else am I supposed to store them?

Somebody else's buthole,

Health and safety gone mad

About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.

The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."

So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.

Worse, he sued and was rewarded some form of compensation because some judge agreed that it is not obvious that pool noodles shouldn't stuck up an ass.
- Honestly, what right-thinking, red-blooded man doesn't look at a pool noodle and go "You know what?"

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

Hmmmm, leftovers!

You're not my real dad, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

Only allowed now if the other end is in your opponent.

Can't have any fucking fun anymore, what's next, I'm not allowed to shove croissants up my anus?

AI or Stupid humans?

What, do you think I'm going to put that in my MOUTH???!!

eventually yeah. that's called general tzo's dickin

IT IS MY RIGHT!

You have a right and a left butthole?
- 🫦

What if I already did hypothetically what would I do if I had already done that hypothetically can someone help me hypothetically?

cylinder.
- lol that’s what I thought of too when I wrote that.

How about don't put anything in your anus unless it was specifically designed to go there

Where's the fun in that?
designed by who? some god? a scientist? the hillfolk committee for ethics and morality to buttholes and butthole alternatives?

Thanks to the new administration the Fierce Agents of Rectum Tenderisation (formerly Ass Secret Service), an untrained elite force of volunteers, can now inspect the depths of your rectum without a warrant or notice.

They try to be a pain in your ass to keep the country safe!
\ You sure can't plug them away!

(Not to be confused with Butt Patrol Agents)

What about lumpia? Asking for a friend

those are to work your way up to spring rolls which are to work your way up to egg rolls, according to my kinky laotian friend

There go my weekend plans

Well obviously not frozen. And also not straight out of the fryer. But left to cool down, after cooking. Why not?

Too fucking late Doc, I’m farting essence of fried cabbage and cat meat until Thanksgiving’s giving.

well shit.

Shit it was at the entrance! Glad I was scrolling Lemmy with Elvis Can’t Help Falling in Love, playing in the background.

Welp, there go my weekend plans

What if I cook them in the air fryer instead of in oil and let them cool down first? When I talked to my doctor, he seemed to indicate it was a good compromise as long as I stick with organic ingredients.

Just .... just don't double dip

Do they expect Assy McGee to starve??