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Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
NoStressyJessie @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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NSFW

After the last male fail, went out boy mode again, also surprise visit from my mom and grandparents

This time I decided I should probably conceal carry. I’ve done it before, so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing, or am generally unsafe with a firearm. I went to the bar I used to cook for, and after I got in, this hick just loudly proclaimed every minority by slur they didn’t like and wished them all dead. He basically only liked white Christian cis-heteronormative people 🤷. This is not the first time I’ve heard this kind of hate to me and my family, so I’m unsurprised. I sit and have a light beer and a shot, and wait while everyone leaves. I got to talk to the bartenders, about nails, some stories about ex boyfriends, plans for the future, catch up about what happened since I left, minus my transition of course. She said I look good. Said my arms have thinned, my hair is back, I’ve lost weight, I look younger, etc. All stuff that made me feel good. I thanked them for talking to me, the one lady started to cry, she was sweet enough for an industry girl, and understood if you treat me well I’ll move mountains for you if I can. Kinda made me feel pathetic that I was thanking a bartender for talking to me like a person, but I don’t get much of that anymore.

Today my mom (who knows and is transphobia white Christian nationalist incarnate) came by with her parents (liberal-light). They drove for hours to come visit, it was actually nice. My live in family all calls me Jessie, but only my partner knows why. So they are all referring to me as Jessie, my mom is asking people if they want dessert and she deadnames me stumbles over it, gets upset (not mad, but emotionally upset), and I tell her no thank you, that it’s okay, that she’s good, and she keeps walking to the cheesecake and apologizes and asks again, and I tell her no thank you, that I don’t eat like I used to while I walked to her, hug her and hold her while she kinda cries. “I tell her it’s okay, that I love her, that I’m willing to meet her halfway, that I know it’s hard, that I’m not mad, that it’s all good, that we’re all good. She hugs me tight and tighter and cries. I cry. Even if it isn’t understood, in that moment of cooperation, we had an understanding, she’s trying, and I’m here to calmly be the best child I can in helping her have a relationship with me if she’s willing.

We texted when she got home, she wants to come back, talk more, not holding my breath for a breakthrough, but I’m hopeful that she might do some personal growth and come to accept me as me, even if I have to lie a bit and just be Non-Binary butch when she sees me on the random holiday.

One day at a time I suppose.

Attached is my handgun, but not my picture, with all the threatening bullshit I’ve been getting, I’m gonna get back in the habit of having a edc again.

I pray y’all are in safer places, but what do you all carry for protection?

Edit to fix typos and add, I’m loaded with Hornady .380 Critical Defense

Edit 2: replace original opening text with the same text but citing a hyperlink to florida law re-iterating that I do indeed know what I am doing and didn't do anything illegal where I live or break any rules.

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35 comments

  • 16 comments and nobody said anything about the evangelion purple? Sick gun color, fam.

    32

  • Oof, that sucks that you have to carry for protection. I live in Minnesota and I don't carry anything for protection here as I feel pretty safe, although I'd never visit a rural area alone. It's always alarming to me whenever I see a gun as I was raised in a very anti-gun environment and my only pro-gun view I have is that the left shouldn't disarm themselves while the right is currently heavily armed. Because of that, I see conceal carry as an extreme measure to take, but I understand why you would be doing that if you are in Florida. I hope you are able to get out of Florida to somewhere safer.

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    • I was living out near Millerville, I would’ve been way sketch out there compared to the twin cities. I imagine Bemidji would be nice too. I’m glad you have a safe area to be you!

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  • Get proper training fam. CCW can go very wrong if you don't know what you're doing. It would awful to end up behind bars because of a basic mistake. Good luck and stay safe.

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    • Thank you for looking out 🙏

      I’m a huge advocate for training, and while currently Florida doesn’t require it, I have been through training in the past.

      I picked up some cheaper range ammo in bulk to start getting in more regular time at a range in my area, as well as some self defense round for training and to maintain carry levels.

      I think I have everything well handled, but if you have anything else to add, I’m appreciative, and you never know when someone else might need the info.

      Thank you for advocating responsible ccw 💕

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  • It's wild out there. I'm sorry you feel unsafe in your area and that you had to deal with vocal aggressive harassment. Transphobes are unbelievable. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I no longer have to deal with harassment like that. My thoughts are with everyone who has to consider their safety to exist in public every day. And I hope your mother comes around. It sounds like there may be some hope there. Just remember that your wants and your needs always matter. And that you shouldn't have to feel like compromising about your identity is necessary to have healthy relationships. You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don't lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

    In the future, I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least. Content warnings might be a good idea, too. I am not personally uncomfortable or bothered by firearms, nor am I opposed to vulnerable people carrying them for their own safety. I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it's okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren't comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There's lots of reasons someone might not be. I thought quite a bit about it and am interested to hear other people's opinions too, if they would offer them. For now I think I'll add some examples of what "NSFW" constitutes on the community rules sections.

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    • You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don’t lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

      Thank you for the sage reminder

      I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least

      I went ahead and NSFW-ified the picture.

      I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it’s okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren’t comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There’s lots of reasons someone might not be.

      I appreciate this, and didn't think about the victims of gun violence when I posted that, thank you for adding perspective to WHY instead of just smacking me down.

      Thank you for popping in, sorry if I created a situation unwittingly that made anyone uncomfortable.

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  • @NoStressyJessie Did I miss something? What prompted you to start carrying a firearm? Some loudmouth asshole who didn't do anything but talk? Was it in a previous post?

    Also, don't carry and drink. Never mind being a dumb idea in general, it can get you in a lot of trouble if you ever have to actually use it.

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    • I first started carrying over a decade ago when I turned 21. I grew up around firearms, my family carries, I like them, and I’m a huge buff for sovereignty and self reliance.

      Some loudmouth asshole who didn’t do anything but talk?

      You don’t know shit about fuck, I live in a suburb of Orlando, I have experienced more than my fair share of exactly what these ’men’ think of me, I am at the hospital near pulse night club at least twice a month.

      Where were the interrogations when I was a dude-bro? Where were the people trying to get me to justify why I’d bother to exercise my rights then?

      It’s very suspect that nothing has changed except the way other people see me, and suddenly I’m subject to all this scrutiny about the laws and where I fit into them, and insisting and linking to the laws does nothing to assuage y’all’s fears.

      Thanks for the gender affirmation though 💕

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  • I only carry pepper spray, sometimes. I have not ever been physically harassed knock on wood. Threats are just threats. If someone was going to hurt me they would have done it.

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  • I'm sorry you feel so unsafe you feel the need to carry a weapon. I'm thankful enough that the only transphobia I've encountered is from my family, and maybe mild transphobia (intentional misgendering) from some customers and a manager.

    My mom wanted to bring my grandmother over the other day to "play board games," but it felt weird. I declined, she wanted to talk, I felt like nothing has changed.

    She makes me feel emotionally unsafe, I realized. With her difficulty accepting my children for years, and now me, it is making it very difficult for me to want to try to repair our relationship. Her husband has banned me from her house, cuz I said her actions were that of a bad parent and person.

    All this word vomit/salad to say, I relate. At least to difficulties from your family. All I can say, is I think my mom and yours would probably be fast friends.

    Take a break from them if you need to, clear your head. I'm happy for you that your at-home family has been so supportive! Good luck.

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