Confusion in the White House as Trump Declares Himself Ruler of Isla Mujerita Lenta

(Washington DC) Markets and lawmakers are reacting with confusion, as this morning president trump announced in a post on truth social that he was now the ruler of a small island. The post read:

“NOW AS WELL AS PRESIDENT I AM KING OF ISLA MUJERITA LENTO. UPDATE MAPS. REMAINING PRESIDENT AS NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION ON THIS MATTER.”

In a press briefing, a visibly tired Karoline Leavitt informed the press that the island, which cannot be found on any map, is populated mainly by young women who can’t run quickly, and will now be overseen by the president directly. “He will assume all government duties effective immediately, and a beauty pageant overseen by his excellency will be scheduled in one week’s time, overseen directly by the king.” She provided no further details despite repeated questions, instead attempting to draw attention to the Epstein Files in a sudden change of White House policy.

Constitutional scholars question whether a sitting president can rule another country, but note it is not explicitly barred in the constitution. “There might be some issue with the emoluments clause,” said one, who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals by the administration, “but that has been put to bed already with the millions trump and his family have made in less than a year. I suppose congress could impeach him, but I find it more likely a bolt of lightning from a vengeful god would strike trump at this point.”

Also at question is the fact no one can identify the island in question. Politicians close to the president note that if such an island existed, full of young nubile women that cannot escape from predatory men, it would be common knowledge in republican circles at this point. They question whether it came to him in a dream, or whether someone close to the president made up the island, and then informed him he could not go.

The Vice President’s office says they encourage the president’s efforts, and say vance will be happy to assume any duties that conflict with being a king. Vance has been making a strong public presence of late, and some speculate the island, and its capital of Boobyfirm, are an effort to transform more power and responsibility to his desk.

A spokeperson from Boobyfirm could not be reached for comment.