Machinists, engineers and people of common sense unite !

103 comments

Wow! That's a creative way to use a caliper.
That's why teaching children about metrology basics is so important.

I remember when I first applied for a job in a fabrication/machine shop. One of the questions in the interview was "Do you know how to read a tape measure‽" followed by "demonstrate that you can use a tape measure" along with some other fun ones like "what is the difference between these two pieces of material" (one was aluminum, the other stainless) and other such things. I remember being surprised/disappointed that there were grown people who couldn't read a tape measure.
I've worked in machine shops and drafting offices for years now, and I'm no longer surprised by people who can't use basic measuring tools. Still disappointed though.
- There's a great test for programmers called FizzBuzz. It's an extremely easy task - print some numbers (maybe 1 to 100), but replace them with Fizz if they're divisible by 3, by Buzz if they're divisible by 5, or by FizzBuzz if they're both.
  Many reasonable people consider it way too easy - if you can write this, it doesn't mean that you can write complex programs, or that you know the applicable languages, or that you know anything about the business domain.
  But interviewers know that it's a great test because a lot of so-called programmers still fail it.
  
  We did a fizzbuzz interview with a candidate. He passed but I had a weird feeling about it so we asked him to do another one with 7 and 21 and he couldn't do it even with his old code right there
  
  Oh I could see how that would trap someone. It would trap me but I'm not a programmer. 😆
  
  I very much prefer every product of multiplication of 9 up to 3000 in a descending order.
  Ypu get to see a lot more than the fizzbuzz. And still very easy task. Then you can ask about processing and memory optimizations.
- OK - now I'm curious, what were the most common mistakes people made reading a tape measurer? Because I'm having trouble working out how someone could screw that up lol
  
  We had a guy we called "10/16" (ten sixteenths) because he was told to grab some 5/8" (0.625" or 16mm) steel plate, but he couldn't find any he could only find 10/16" and 12/16".
  People will count the little lines on the tape and not remember if they are 1/32, 1/16, or 1/8.
  I think metric would help this.
  
  Some people dont know why the metal bit riveted to the end moves...
  
  Measure twice cut once is a saying for a reason.
- “what is the difference between these two pieces of material” (one was aluminum, the other stainless)
  Did they expect you to identify which metals they were, or just that they were different metals?
  
  I was expected to know that one was stainless steel and the other was aluminum, but not the specific grades of stainless or aluminum. Stainless and aluminum can look very similar when they're dirty, and 300 series stainless won't stick to a magnet just like aluminum won't stick to a magnet. But if you pick them up or even rap on them with your knuckles you can tell the difference.
- After having a customer chew us out for something that wasn't our fault he had us follow him to another room to discuss some more work. He borrows my tape measure and tries to measure something on the wall and the tape keeps falling over and flexing. It finally hits him in the face and hands it back to me and says "I'm not familiar with this type of tool". I think he saw our faces turn red and eyes water up as we were trying SOOO hard not to laugh.

I want to wholeheartedly believe the caliper has the size the customer wants and the pipe is bigger, therefore inappropriate. I've never met anyone who would use a caliper this way, I've seen people trying to eyeball it or use it as a ruler but not like this
- It's gotta be something like that, like the photo is presented out of context, the alternative is too depressing
- could be that they saw somebody use fancier calipers that have a gauge thing on the other side and managed not to remember it looks different

Oh jeebus fucking christ. Sometimes the dumb hurts and then you get the existential dread knowing you're about to have to call this moron. And, even better, they usually make more money than you.
- Ikr, should've pushed them all the way in so it's a repeatable measurement ffs.

So these guys are smart enough to read Vernier calipers, but dumb enough to measure like this?
- I'd hazard a guess that they are also reading them wrong.
- Tbf it's simple substraction
  Must've forced a facepalming intern

Anyone who works with clients can appreciate this one

please close and reverse the tool, then grip it tightly and drive it into the skull of the complaining customer
- That's why it has 4 sharp points right?

I am a certified blithering idiot and even I feel like a high society intellectual compared to this picture.

Next time, chose a smarter client.
- They don't exist.
  
  Bold claim, also very true

Two of them did this.
- Just for the fun of it: i'm making it 3 in my head. 1 extra to take the photo.
  
  Probably. And not one said "hey, thats not the full dimension of the hole".

Judging by this, even if it's the right size, they'll probably install it wrong anyway, so why bother?
- I hate that I have blurted this out during meetings before.

Showed this pic to my co workers (steelworkers/blacksmiths) and only the old guys knew what was funny about the pic... Gen z think that calipers are toy guns.....
- I use calipers frequently and didn't realize it was upsidedown until reading this.
  I thought it was a joke about clients always sending shitty low resolution pictures where you can't actually verify their claim.
  
  Oh, I thought the joke was that the hole the customer was complaining about was the hole this pipe was supposed to fit into, and that they were measuring the inner diameter rather than the outer.
- I dunno, a lot of gen z and millennials probably use them when fabricating parts for things that you can't get them for. I know I do for my printer.
  
  Well.. im an old millennial and know what it is and how to use it properly...
- I feel like a boomer/millenial trapped in a young body when I read stuff like this 😭
  
  I ... Think this is everyone's dream.
- How do gen z-ers measure distances finely, then?
  
  Realistically, how many people need calipers in their life? The vast majority never used one because a ruler or tape is enough for pretty much anything in a house.
  
  It's written on the label/signs where we bought it from.

A normal set of calipers has 3 basic modes of measuring things: inside, outside, and depth. It is amazing to me how many people in this thread don't know at least one of those or use them wrong.
- Til the calipers I use, almost daily, can measure depth. Now I'm less annoyed about the stick protruding from the end lmao
  
  Haha same.
- Tbf I use mine daily and had to pause a second thinking what would be the third mode. (never use it to measure depth)
- At least it makes me feel good that I only just got a set for the first time last week and figured all those out within 5 min of actually using them.
- You can also use the top back side to measure steps. It's more precise than using the depth gauge.
  
  What? Tell me more!
- Tbf people my age and younger (barely below 1/2 the population) typically don't use them in most careers or even learn about calipers in High School. My work was the first place that properly taught me how to measure internal diameter and depth.

They were trying to design a caliper holder that fits the jaws in that orientation, obviously. They need to fix this, send it back.

Calipers are strictly for measuring the brainpan of undesirables.

Looks like that hole chamfer is wrong. Doesn't properly fit the measuring device.

Idiots suck

breaks out calipers

This just tells me calipers should have 2 measuring bars on them, so gaps and other inside edges can be measured like this (maybe this already exists, idak)
- Just flip it, the top bars are for measuring from the inside.
- That's what the two prongs at the top are for. Flip the caliper upside down, use the prongs to measure the inside dimension, and read it off the same scale.
  
  Ah cool, didn't notice those. Cheers
- Can't tell if I'm missing a joke here, but see those two small knife looking protruding from the opposite side (above) where they're measuring, those are used for measuring internal diameter.
  The side they're using is for outer diameter.
  And though you can't see it in the pic, the thin bit of metal that extends out from the bottom can be used for measuring depth.
  
  TIL what the thin bit is for. Thanks
  
  Probably not because I would have said the same thing. I know nothing about tools.
  
  Same thought, Im not sure if that comment is a joke or not...

103 comments