"We want to take care of our family here"
"We want to take care of our family here"
Also we’re going to go ahead and get you to commute again for literally no reason ❤️
44Wait, wait, wait. Just hold up a minute! Are you seriously trying to tell me that spending 10+ hours a week and thousands of dollars a year sitting in a car just so you can "work" in an open room where you can't hear yourself think, much less get any actual work done, is bad for your mental health?
Your ungrateful little shit. Not only are you getting paid, you're saving a ton of money by not having any recreational time and you have a convenient excuse for avoiding your SO and missing your kids stupid sports games. You should be paying your employer for the privilege of commuting to work.
/s
30Also, we have a locked lease on an oversized office to impress our clients and shareholders. This office also shows said clients and shareholders we are a real company, even if we miss every deadline.and deliver a dog shit product. And, middle manager Kevin needs to feel important by actually seeing his underlings working and cowering in fear at his presence, do you really want the CEO's nephew to feel worthless?
11
How about a pizza party instead?
30Yeah, that's what we're going with. The pizza will be delivered in time for management's lunch break. Please enjoy during your regularly scheduled break or lunch, by which time the good stuff will be gone and what's left will be cold.
7
You get a few free zoom sessions with a talk therapist! Problems solved ✅
29please give us 2 weeks notice if you intend to kill yourself.
23I'm part of the "health and safety" team at my job and every meeting my suggestion to improve mental health is "give raises." Lol
15"We'd like to take this month to remind you that, as the primary source of stress in your life, we don't actually pay you enough to escape. If you improve your life too much and can take too much time off, you might realize just how much we've taken from you. While you struggle to cope with the dichotomy we've created between your struggle here to afford your life and the struggle in your life to escape from here, we really want to emphasize
Mental health is your responsibility ♥️
Sincerely,
- Your overlords"
14"Crying is not permitted in company restrooms. Please schedule all mental breakdowns either during your lunch hour or other personal time."
3Can anyone tell me how to punch an imaginary quoted person in the face through the internet?
2
Best we can do is Casual Fridays. But no ripped jeans
14How about a pizza party champ?
14We call them slices here at AOL-Time-Warner-Pepsico-Viacom-Halliburton-Skynet-Toyota-Trader-Joe's
10TOYOGA
2
We're going to take all the tables and chairs out of the break room so we have room for a ping pong table, to show what a fun company we are!
Where will you sit to rest and eat? Why would you need to do that?
Also no using the ping pong table during work hours.
11Management Daily Ping Pong Championships are at 2pm BTW.
2
If they really wanna be family, they'd let me stay in my own bedroom rent-free in the boss's house.
11he's barely even using that attic above his 5 car garage
7
"We shall paint one wall blue. And maybe add a vapid slogan in Comic Sans."
10That slogan?
Live Laugh Lube
2
"we don't want to actually change anything, we just want the image boost from saying that we care about it"
9We'll do anything for the mental health of our workers except spending any money, time or effort.
8"So, what other resources do we have?"
"Our employees."
"Great. Let's just spend them."
6
I enjoy pointing out that for a company that makes X Profit, Y Salary does not equal Z Bankruptcy. If it did you don't want to work for them anyway since they're one good solid financial fart away from going under.
It's all smoke and mirrors. Most companies can afford twice the workforce they have. Layoffs and hiring freezes exist to make the quarterly reports look pretty for the largely sociopathic execs who are just literate enough in most cases to deeply appreciate books with pictures that are less than 30 pages in length.
7If they're publicly traded then they're required by law to try to have continuous growth. Of course, that's not sustainable.
0So while it is slightly more complex than this, what you just said fundamentally boils down to:
You're wrong.
Fiduciary Responsibility, yes. Legal requirement: No.
1
You can have twenty minutes of "chair yoga" per week.
6We’re a family.
5Ha! I like how the person uses the kid-pidgin 'ppl'. If you want to ruin your stance on an argument, obviously, you need crayon; but 'ppl' makes people wonder whether it's too hard to type the other three letters or just too long. That confusion will only help.
-5Bro it's Twitter get over yourself
2