Former patient testifies doctor told her future husband would regret it if she got tubes tied

The headline kinda buries the lede. From the article, "(the) gynecologist told her the choice should be up to her future husband".

A discussion about potential regrets is a lot more benign than denying her autonomy.

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To me the sexist part is that some doctors will treat a man asking for a vasectomy vs a woman asking for a ligature differently?

Oh you want a vasectomy? Let's get into my office. 10 minutes later and its done. No fuss, no speech.

Oh you want a ligature? But your potential partner might want kids, it would be unfair.. 🙄

I'm sure most wishes to do no harm and want to ensure their patients are well-informed and can weight the consequences of that choice (which in itself is a good thing), but they should offer the same level of inquiry to both to be fair, not just assume that a man knows more that they don't want kids compared to a woman.

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- I'm a man and my family doctor just refused saying I will regret it later. She said it would be different if I was over 40. I was 33 at the time.
  
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- A friend of mine went to get a vasectomy after his second kid was born and the doctor either talked him out of it or refused. He now has a 3rd kid and went to a different doctor.
  
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- You're absolutely right. Such procedures should be treated the same, as much as is appropriate. (vasectomies are a much more minor procedure, so things like recovery support would be different)
  
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- I asked for a Vasectomy. The doctor went through the: have you been married, do you have kids, how many? questions. it is standard here to ensure the patient has thought about the consequences in case it can't be reversed.
  
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There is a pattern of abuse (like the example you for some reason try to soft peddle), it isn't just one instance.

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I love that on Lemmy, people will trip over themselves to misinterpret simple, unambiguous comments such as yours.

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Subtle sexist comment right here folks.

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- Real question, why do you say that?
  
  My read is that they are saying the doctor should have said “it is your choice”. Instead, the doctor said “it needs to be up to your future husband”. This is worse than the FUD about why their future husband would not like it.
  
  Where is the sexism?
  
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- How so? If I were considering a vasectomy, I would expect to be told that it may be an issue for my future wife. I would take issue if I were told that such a decision should be left to her, and not mine to make.
  
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Here's the flipside of this kind of story.

My wife went in to have her IUD replaced a few years ago and the then-new doctor asked her, confusingly, why she needed one as she had her tubes tied.

Which came as a surprise to her.

As it turns out, after her second child from her first marriage, her then-husband instructed her doctor at the time to have her tubes tied when she was recovering from delivery. Not that she wanted any more kids with him, because he's thoroughly unpleasant, but holy smokes that there's doctors who seem to believe in the "wimmin are the husband's property!" is horrifying.

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Reminds me of the husband stitch, usually also done without the consent or knowledge of the person actually getting the fucking surgery.

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I dated a woman who was trying to get her tubes tied in her 20s. Multiple doctors outright refused on the grounds that she couldn’t know what her future husband would want. She finally found one who did the procedure, but only after a meeting with ME wherein I had to promise both that I didn’t want kids, and that I would marry her.

There was much talk of a hypothetical future man and how unfair it would be for him. And then how unfair THAT would be for HER because this hypothetical man would want nothing to do with her if she couldn’t have his children. Less than no regard for the HUMAN WHO’S BODY IS ACTUALLY AFFECTED. I’m still pissed about it.

If you’re seeking sterilization and doctors are being a fuck, get any guy friend to come in with you and just say you’re engaged. It’s so much easier to just lie. NO ONE should lose their bodily autonomy for the sake of a fucking imaginary future husband.

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If you’re seeking sterilization and doctors are being a fuck, ~~get any guy friend to come in with you and just say you’re engaged.~~ File a human rights complaint and also go to the media.

Fucking paternalistic doctors.

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When I got my vasectomy, my urologist didn't ask me anything about my wife's feelings on the subject. Because it's my body. My urologist made sure I was informed on the risks, including that it may be irreversible, and the historical odds of being able to restore fertility.

I was young. Every time I came into contact with a nurse who found out I was getting a vasectomy, they started to ask me inappropriate questions. My urologist apparently knew to expect this, because he was always on top of them before they were even able to finish, telling them that it was "more common these days for young people to want to be sterilized," and defending my autonomy without me even having to say a word. I felt very supported and I appreciated this a great deal. I would have appreciated even more if I had the same support from the nurses.

Incidentally, get a vasectomy. No, seriously, get one. If you don't have vas deferens, encourage someone you know to get a vasectomy. It's the best.

Edit: This was in southwestern Ontario

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So I went to go get a vasectomy at age 30. The lady dr tried her damnedest to get me to reconsider. I ended up leaving the office waiting room right before I was to have the procedure. I was very scared because of what the Dr had told me.

Told me I would have constant testicle pain, etc (not true).

So I didn't go through with it. God I wish I had. I don't have any kids or anything, but at 41 I finally got it done. Mine went as badly as one could go. The infection and inflammation didn't go away and I was in great pain for weeks before finally they found the right antibiotic. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Mine went horribly and I'm still out here telling you to get it done. It's amazing. What does that tell you?

Don't believe the scare tactics. It's bullshit.

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- I don't recall the stats anymore but the rate of satisfaction vs regret is very high and increases over time. Vasectomies are fantastic. I hate that there is still kind of a childish stigma about it.
  
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Right! It’s good to have the option for everyone.

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My family doctor asked what my wife thought before scheduling me in, as did the doctors of my friends who've had them. My doctor wasn't too aggressive about it but the doctors of some of my friends were.

For people that are single it shouldn't be an issue but I feel like it's a good a back check on people who are married (or common law with kids)... You shouldn't be making decisions like that on your own if you're in a dedicated relationship and if the two if you can't come to a common consensus the whole relationship needs some major work (or to end).

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I asked to be sterilized in my twenties. I have never wanted children, and never was even asked to baby sit when I was a teen because of how awkward I was around babies and small children. I was denied because apparently decades in my own head wasn't enough, I needed to be married first. (wtf I can't even tolerate sex how am I going to get married lol)

In my thirties I tried again, but this time asked to have all of my reproductive organs removed because they cause me so much pain. I got denied because I came out as trans before that 🙃 The (American) VA can't do any surgeries if there's even a tiny hint that it might be gender affirming for trans and enby folks.

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Male doctors make detrimental decisions for women every single day based on their opinions. I've been dealing with it for 40 years, and the result is that I'm now suffering the ill effects - as are thousands of others. It has to stop. I hope this being suddenly newsworthy brings change.

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