Speaking as a straight cis male who's on the verge of asexuality, it's been incredibly difficult and oftentimes alienating having discussions of sexuality and sexual insecurities with my other cis male friends because a lot of the discussion tends to veer into vulgarity or jesting. Then there's the conversations you have with your partners and sometimes some of those partners implying that you're not 'man enough', etc.
I understand that a lot of this is due to toxic masculinity but I've gotta say, it's been pretty tough.
116Talking about serious emotional issues or relationship problems with other men is pretty much uniformly crap. Most men are conditioned to not open up, or prefer immature viewpoints about all of that - or are just immature and crude and actually think various stupid and abusive things about women. Unfortunately some women actually prefer that.
40Yeah, I hate how girls will be disgusted when it's somehow suggested you'd want to have sex with them, while at the same time, I don't feel like I'm even supposed to have an opinion.
It's like, I'm a man, not in a relationship, not gay and not good at pretending I've never heard of sexuality, so if I don't want to have sex with a girl, that must mean I find her extremely ugly.
25It’s cool my man, just find a partner with a similar sex drive or be open to atypical relationships. My wife has a fairly low sex drive, and mine’s not crazy but the disparity can be rough.
There’s almost certainly groups of people who feel like you do online, so if you want to, I’m sure you can find a place that feels super accepting.
But yeah, toxic masculinity/patriarchy is a bitch.
23As an asexual male, I totally understand where you are coming from.
I generally don't talk about anything like that with other men of any stripe. I have a few very understanding female friends who don't judge and even then when I talk about it, it feels like I'm handing them a burden.
3As a ??? male also on the verge of asexuality, I literally can't empathize with you. The world is horny, embrace it if you want.
1Meh...embrace the toxicity and get off the internet. Be a gentleman and don't worry about it.
1
It's not a stereotype when scientific studies tend to confirm it.
Sex drive: Theoretical conceptualization and meta-analytic review of gender differences
The meta-analysis revealed a stronger sex drive in men compared to women, with a medium-to-large effect size, g = 0.69, 95% CI [0.58, 0.81]. Men more often think and fantasize about sex, more often experience sexual affect like desire, and more often engage in masturbation than women.
Across many different studies and measures, men have been shown to have more frequent and more intense sexual desires than women, as reflected in spontaneous thoughts about sex, frequency and variety of sexual fantasies, desired frequency of intercourse, desired number of partners, masturbation, liking for various sexual practices, willingness to forego sex, initiating versus refusing sex, making sacrifices for sex, and other measures. No contrary findings (indicating stronger sexual motivation among women) were found. Hence we conclude that the male sex drive is stronger than the female sex drive.
74Stereotypes often tend to have some truth to them, that's why they became Stereotypes.
The trick is to never to assign a stereotype to an individual automatically.
113It is still a stereotype that "boys only want sex". Those studies suggest a higher sexual drive on average, not that it applies for all boys, and certainly not that it's the only thing boys want.
32Our whole culture is about conditioning men and women to get this result though.
18Maybe so, probably research exists on that topic too. Google scholar is kinda a fun place sometimes…. If ur nerdy like me at least.
2
Purely speaking from my anecdotal experiences, I have far more instances of getting aroused than my partners, but their sexual preferences are WAY more extreme. Most of the girls I've been with have wanted extremely rough sex, which I'm not even remotely into. They're also way way more voyeuristic than I ever will be, often wanting to share sexy photos online for the entire world to enjoy or showing interest in making online porn. So yeah, I want to bang more often, but they definitely are far more deviant than I am.
13You're a freak magnet, baby!
15
It's important to note that our sexuality is socially constructed, our desires are not solely based on biology but culture.
"In the Christian medieval world, some theories held that women received far more pleasure from a sexual encounter than men, and had much greater sexual appetite." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medieval_female_sexuality
6I wonder if these findings have been supported by female lead research.
5g = 0.69
Nice.
2Yeah, there's a simple reason for this: men have more testosterone than women, and testosterone has been known to heighten the more "animalistic"/cave man characteristics in men.
One of my college roommates took anabolic steroids and he told me once "dude, it's wild, all I want to do is eat red (meaning rare) meat and fuck!"
-3
And they say that women are hornier than men, shaking my smh my head
39i lol'd out loud
14
Stereotypes are valid first-order approximations!
26Just wanted to add that you can find the second-order alpha male energy correction by calculating ∑_{m≠n}(|<ψ_n(0)|V|ψ_m(0)>|2)/(E_n(0) - E_m^(0)) if anyone was wondering
13
Legit question: if you're with a guy, will he (typically) be looking forward to eventually having sex?
12If you are both sexual people, I should hope you are both looking forward to it when you are both ready.
49As in if you're in a relationship with a man, will he be looking forward to having sex?
In the vast majority of cases the answer is yes, in a minority of cases the answer is that the person is asexual or simply insecure about their sexuality.
That's a discussion you need to have with your partner if you're questioning yourself.
21That's how relationships work
-5Yes. Every man ever views a relationship as a ladder with sex or at the top. Men don't date without expecting to progress towards sex.
-22What about asexuals?
What about men that have respect for their SO and don't see sex as the final goal? I mean, stay with the same person long enough and that part of the relationship will not be as important after a while, does it means the relationship is dead to the man? Because I can't explain why people stay together for decades then.
Don't most women have the same expectation that entering a love relationship with someone will lead to a physical relationship at some point?
You're talking as if women didn't have sexual desires and... Well... Maybe you don't, but your experience isn't the majority's.
10It's like you haven't heard of being the little spoon.
3
thats not what stigma means
12Stigma male grindset
12
gottem
10Got'em!
8yeah! the only thing i've wanted for a while. now was a reason to live >:(
^(sex would be a great alternative tho)
5They're badong.
4I promise from now on that I will stand for the opposite... gnodab.
5Let me know if you see a RadioShack.
1
a sounds reasonable. But b and c sound like big expectations where I would doubt that I could fulfill them all the time and then I would disappoint. So these two points sound to me like a lot of pressure.
1Men are more interested in sex.
But to be fair, women are more interested in men they can control/attempt to change using sex as a tool of conditioning.
-2I've heard this stereotype so many times.
You sound like a broken record.
-2Women will never know what it means to be a man charged up full of testosterone. It is both a strength and a weakness. Social life is painful for us.
-10
