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  • It's a really good idea to learn what narcissists and people with BPD are like, because being in a relationship with them is often life destroying, and learning to recognize the warning signs and get out once you begin to realize what they are is the key to not wasting your life on someone who has little regard for you as a human. People with BPD CAN improve, kind of, I still think you should be extremely leery of them, narcissists will wreck your life and make you think it's all your fault, without a qualm, and never improve because they don't care if they hurt you. They will both discard you and then try to lure you back in when they need their emotional "supply" or want something else from you. There is NOTHING you can do for a narcissist, so get out before they make it impossible for you to do so. It's definitely more of a buzz word these days, but if someone you are in a relationship with has chronically toxic and manipulative behavior to you, gaslights you, somehow makes everything your fault, lies, cheats, wrecks your finances, family relationships, etc, they are never going to change. This is not something that they have no control over, it's deliberate.

    (BPD people can progress if they actually get a diagnosis and intensive therapy and have insight, but there's no question many of them wreck lives. I am sorry if you are a person suffering from BPD and I do wish for healing for you, it's very difficult, but people do have the right to protect themselves from destructive behaviour, and people have the right to say no to having someone with BPD in their lives who have hurt them irreparably and refuse to get help).

  • Treat people with love, respect and patience. For the vast majority, you won't get a second chance.

  • Unearned wisdom sounds like hollow platitudes and is easily forgotten, synthesis without thorough analysis is a waste of time.

  • This is one of my personally learned lessons of wisdom that took me far too long to figure out:

    "A lot of the time you just need to let people continue to be wrong"

    I'm not talking about when you're going in for surgery and your doctor told you he is going to amputate the wrong leg. I'm talking about when someone says something that is factually or morally incorrect. There is an infinite amount of wrong people in the world. You will encounter dozens of them on a daily basis. You would have an opportunity to personally correct quite a few of them. Don't do it. Smile, nod, and walk away.

    Lets say you want to correct them and in the best case you're successful. They now know what they said was wrong. Most people really don't like to be corrected, even if they were wrong. They are embarrassed, possibly shamed, and at worst, humiliated. What kind of interaction do you think you're going to have with that person going forward into the future. Do you think they will embrace you as the really intelligent person that took your time to help them out? No. They will think you a pompous, arrogant, know-it-all. And for what? You spent all this time and energy on something you don't even really care about. Your purpose in life is not to be "Defender of the truth, hero of logic" or anything. You're just a regular person, and the guy on the subway does not give two shits that he mispronounced the word "nuclear" as "nucular".

    In the professional world its a bit different, but even then, most of the above applies. You have to be careful where and how you correct someone. Even if the ultimate outcome is for the good of the organization, you can alienate those that you need to like you for you to effectively get your job done. You can quickly develop a reputation as an uncooperative "Diva". That is career poison and no matter how good your subject matter expertise, this reputation can forever limit your advancement.

    So unless the outcome of something really and truly matters to the outcome pf your life or your job, and sometimes even then....let it go without saying anything. Let them be wrong, and leave them behind you never to be seen by you again in your entire life.

  • Wisdom as distinct from knowledge is a performance of one's experience. Think on your experiences, and how to portray them for an audience. That will appear to be wisdom.

    Another version of wisdom is a lack of self-seriousness. Unlearn your self regard to achieve this.

  • The "system" in place is not as elegant as it seems. Some things are actually very done very informally or "ghetto".

    Courts are just essentially like when kids have to meet in a "dean's office", but for adults; it doesn't have the same feel, the same "elegance" as depicted on TV. Judges aren't some legal god that is untouchable, they're just humans. In several occasions, I had to accompany my mother for a civil hearing about some bussiness (small-bussiness) lawsuit I can't talk about. We met the judge in the elevator and just awkwardly said hi. Also one time we met another judge right outside the courthouse and my mother was trying to discuss the court case, but then the judge suddenly realize it was a case he rulled on, so he stopped discussing it because that's not really supposed to be discussed by a judge outside of court. I never seen them have any personal security. As a kid, I always thought they would have like at least a squad of special bodyguards assigned to protect them, but these experiences shattered that belief. This is a large city in the USA, btw. There's nothing special about judges, they are just humans.

    Same thing with cops, they aren't the those hard working investigators as depicted on TV shows, they mostly just are lazy (and some corrupt too) and won't actually help you with anything. Maybe write a report if its serious like robbery, but they won't actually do any investigations. Maybe if you or a close relative knows the chief of police or sheriff or something like that, but otherwise they don't do shit.

    The "system" is just a bunch of humans that created a made-up concept of governance. There is no magical machine ruling over us, we are part of that machine, whether its democratic or autocratic, its us that allows the machine to run.

    The judge is a human, the cops are humans. They could at anytime lose loyalty to the state. The state isn't that special, its just a made up concept that we all have in our minds.

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