I knew it!

When my wife and kids are way i love nothing more than ordering a pizza and eating it all gradually throughout the night

To anyone who feels the need to justify their order to their delivery person: don't.

I guarantee that they'll think about you more if you pull shit like this.

Literally just give them the money, take the pizza, wish them a good night and close the fucking door.

I promise that they don't give any shits what you do with the pizza. Just tip appropriately for your region.

Will a good tip by their silence?
- Depends entirely on its.... csi:m glasses on... delivery.

Lady, I don't give a shit about your theatrics, I only judge if you're a lousy tipper.*

*in the US.

Am I missing something? Empty house and pizza sounds like a perfect evening to me.

The delivery guy probably gets to keep the pizza if there is no recipient
- So you're saying that the person in the meme did not order the pizza but wants to keep it and tries to accomplish that by pretending there are other people with them? I'm confused, why wouldn't they just take it without saying anything? How would the delivery person know they are not the one who ordered?

while living off post in hampton roads I visited a buddy's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just walked and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out the pizzas and breadsticks on the table, grabbed a slice, then sat down on the couch while ben packed a bong hit for him.

I was like, whoa, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dealer."

I once played video games at a friend's place and we were smoking lots of weed. He had told me a friend was going to come over later. So later that day the door bell rings, I can see him opening the door from where I'm sitting. Female cop stands in front of door and I briefly panicked.
"Hi Julia, come in." (to me) "Let's order pizza."
I'll never forget this image of a German cop in uniform smoking a bong.
- I'm calling bullshit. No way a cop would do that in uniform. You're lying to deny us the pleasure of the full story where the uniform came off. We see through your german tricks.
- wunderbar
That’s a smart way to do weed delivery if you can get away with it and have orders packed before you leave the house.
I mean… pizza guy can have friends too, he's human!
- valid. but I never expected a pizza guy to just walk into someone else's apartment and start laying out the food lol
Pizza ~~delivery guy~~ dealer

-cheesy crust on the third ? -oh, that is a resounding yes

My boy Andy over here is saying you have something called chicken poppers?
- Something perhaps subtle about that sketch: he orders pineapple on all three pies. There is no way you have a party wherein every guest is okay with pineapple on pizza. So the pizza guy probably could've figured it out from that!

Is it because she's scared of the delivey guy or because she's embarrassed to eat the pizza alone?

The latter

The mistake there is not recording a multi-layered clip of yourself responding in different voices. Time out a delay at the start so you can hit play, start walking, make the announcement and get the "reply" as you open the door.

It's the little details to sell the delusion that puts a spark of genuine fear into the drivers' eyes.

Kevin McCallister likes the way you think
You could definitely automate this with voice commands in Home Assistant
- Playing "totally_real_friends4pizza_delivery.mp3":
Ideally you wanna hire actors for that.
- This guy with hiring money...

I just woke up and am slow and bleary-eyed.

I could have sworn the second sentence said a bear ran down with the delivery man's face - because he knew.

And I was a tad shocked.

This is why I pick up and ask for extra silverware

Pizza
Silverware
"Here's the extra silverware for your small personal pan pizza"
- All the better. You can blame the other people for being savages eating pizza with utensils. It makes it more resl

whilst living in the woods I visited my moon friend's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just climbed the tree, vaulted through the window hole and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out pizzas and grenades on the table, pulled a pin, and then sat down with us under the leaf blanket while ben cleaned his rifle and sucked him off.

I was like, woah, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dad"

I'm suspicious of this... but I'm not sure why.

Whenever I delivered a pizza to an empty house or to someone who didn't order a pizza it was great, cause I got to have it. Was one of the few perks of that job.

That is not what the OP is about though.
- Could you explain to me what OP intended to say, please?
How often did that happen?
- As many times as they fake called their pizza joint.

1 pizza alone is only a little sad.

20 pizzas while alone is when you've really hit rock bottom.

What exactly is sad about ordering a pizza whilst being alone? Never struck me as something unusual.
I see the 20 pizza part.
It's called meal prepping!
- It's fine if you buy them as frozen pizzas. Then it's just grocery shopping.

Here, it's the norm to eat an entire pizza by yourself. ¯(ツ)/¯

Just one pizza? I assumed the op had ordered multiple.

I read this in a really dark way

Explain?
- I love all the interpretations here, but I read it as the pizza delivery man was lured into an empty house to be killed by the customer.
- The family is all dead and a single parent, who still believes they are with them, orders pizza for their now long dead family. Delivery driver shows up to a house that hasn't seen life in ages and immediately realizes the situation.