what would you do if you have a time machine

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13

Plot twist: You're not allowed to participate, or even watch...

3
- That wasn't part of the OP! THIS GUY IS CHEATING!
  
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Most people usually consider killing Hitler. But if you think about it, there are on average 80 to 30 million sperm in a typical ejaculation. So I'd find Hitler's dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit. Then I'd come back to see how much history I changed.

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“So I’d find Hitler’s dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit.”

Brand new sentence.

11

I'd first take my time and study how it works and how time itself works, then I'd study a bunch of history, and a bunch of science, once I'm done I'd go back in time to 1,000 BCE Yukatan Peninsula and chill in the beach, meet some locals, have a good time.

7

And after your holiday you return and find the history books changed to Columbus discovering a nearly empty continent in 1492 and a archeological record of a big, continent wide pandemic, killing nearly all of the humans. Countless civilisations crashed by mass deaths…..

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- I have to counter this by saying, I don't think one got would kill an entire continent, specially cuz I am immunized myself to modern diseases, if anything I'd probably help the locals get immunized with technology.
  
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Ship my ass far, far into the future to satisfy my biggest piece of curiosity, probably in 100 yr increments or something. Hopefully somewhere with really good line of sight over a wide area, so I can see some "civilization". If it gets really nice, I'd stay. I can try to sell the machine if funds are necessary.

If it isn't particularly nice at some point, there's a nonzero chance I might die on one of my jumps. Avoiding that, I'd jump backwards again far enough to live out my natural life in the most advanced time I can.

Amusingly, despite being a bit of a history buff, I'd have very little interest in actually going back. Even to learn.

7

Buy a ton of bitcoin

6

This would be the most inconspicuous way to get rich with time travel.

But by buying too much you could throw off the future, so it might be guess and check.

2
But how? You don't have access to your current bank account, any cash you bring would likely get marked as fake because of the redesigns that happen.

It is fun to think about "if I go back in time I will buy as much X as possible." But you don't have any currency from that era.

1

Put the idiot who started all this back on the tree.

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I would find that fish that developed lungs and kick its ass.

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"I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish."

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- Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/watch?v=oUbzxPpaxjw
  
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  3

Id take all my savings with me, go back 20 years or so and dump them all into an RSP. Should have started years ago.

3

Wouldn't they deny your money because of the dates? You'd have to ensure you only have cash from pre-2003.

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- Well shit
  
  3

Go back in time and tell myself that I need to go to an in-state college instead of taking out so many private loans for out of state tuition.

3

Become king of the neanderthals.

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give my younger self a blahaj and not elaborate further

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that, and a djungelskog. Trans and gay icons.

3

Fact check a bunch of historical things.

Would probably (read: definitely) ensure that I have a PC that is not described as an absolute pos in 2009, when I first heard of bitcoin and gave up because it just wouldn't run.

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Just spend $100 on 1000 bitcoins when they were 10¢ each, then sell at $60k each. It's what I would do with a time machine.

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- Nah, that's not me. Mining would definitely be what I would do. Truly mint coins, fresh out of the oven!
  
  1

Go back to 1966 and attend a Yardbirds concert with Jimmy Page AND Jeff Beck on the same stage in their primes.

2

Go back to my 18th birthday and invest everything I have into apple shares.

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Guess I'd hop into the future to see how stuff plays out, then to go to the past and fix stuff. Then go back again because I realized the folly of time travel and must stop future-past-me from creating some wacky existence-ending paradox, but the real treasure will be the friends I make along the way and the wisdom I unlock.

Also, I sell the movie rights and retire comfortably.

2

Probably just see some historical events happen, like the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Apollo 11, etc. I wouldn't really want to mess with anything to keep the "timeline" safe.

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EVIL!!!

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Slap my younger self upside the head for dating that one girl.

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Go see Nikola Tesla with a smartphone and take pictures of his work (with his permission), granted you could travel back. Priceless. Could also tell him how much he shaped the world we live in today with every mobile phone using technology he created (wireless). Although that might break the matrix, who knows.

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Or, go see how the Egyptians really built those bloody pyramids.

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- And find out it was, in fact, the aliens.
  
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And after your holiday you return and find the history books changed to Columbus discovering a nearly empty continent in 1492 and a archeological record of a big, continent wide pandemic, killing nearly all of the humans. Countless civilisations crashed by mass deaths…..

0