I had to google him to make sure he wasn't a troll.

Fruits that fall off the tree ferment and make alcohol. Monkeys, apes, and other animals eat them for the alcoholic effect.

There is an old Disney documentary called “Animals are Beautiful People”. There is a segment of the movie dedicated to showing how monkeys, elephants, giraffes, and other animals can get shitfaced off rotten fruit.

So Jesus is a "fallen man", ok.

We had a tree with some sort of red berries on it. Every autumn birds would have a bird party getting drunk off the fermented berries. Alcohol appears in nature all the fucking time

There's literally a nebula out there that is almost pure ethanol that tastes of raspberry. I've no clue how we figured out what it would taste like, but there is literally enough alcohol there to keep the next 500 generations of humans perpetually shit faced even with the population boom that would occur.

I refer to it as "God's Distillery."

I went to a church when I was a kid that taught that wine was completely non-alcoholic in biblical times.

For anyone that doesnt know, humans have evolved a significant tolerance to alcohol because it does infact exist in nature in rotting fruit (you take what you can in 400000 bc) there are reports of moose losing it after only a few fermented Apples. And Elephant reportedly can get deliriously drunk off of a single beer.

Yea fuck the Catholics in particular, drinking all that wine like it’s the “blood of Christ”. Like Christ would ever touch alcohol!

cue the morons trying to say it was just grape juice

I think the beer brewing monasteries didn't get the memo.

Wait until he finds out that humans have been drinking alcohol recreationally for at least 8000 years. I reckon heaven would be really rather empty if only people who never drank any alcohol were allowed in

If God didn't create alcohol, then why does booze taste so good? Checkmate, Tiff.

The earth has never produced a single drop of alcohol

Oh boy, do I have news for you!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palm_wine

Granted it's not produced in the tree, but it's basically alcohol by the time people take the sap container off the tree, no human intervention needed.

I hope he posted that on naturally occurring social media sites, not the kind created and run by fallen men, because the earth has never produced a single social media site.

Bruh moment.

If it's impossible by nature then how could we accomplish it

He must have skipped homework numerous times in his holy book.

That name has to be fake.

Jokes on you: evangelicals only read the old testament

Should introduce this guy to the raccoons that get drunk and fat from the apples that ferment after falling off our tree.

The reader suggested context blurb is the best thing to ever happen to Twitter

God didn't make yeast?

Like when a fallen man (Jesus) turned water into wine. Good story, kid.

John 2:1-11 New International Version

Jesus Changes Water Into Wine

2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]

7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”

They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

Tiff Shuttlesworth sounds like a name from Happy Gilmore. I still love Shooter McGavin but damn, Tiff takes the proverbial cake here.

Yeah, about that...

What the fuck are you even talking about?

No one remind anyone that the water/wine story is a metaphor.

Something about water into wine ....