I wish my house cleaned itself

your house no longer allows you inside. you are the source of mess

Granted. Being truly clean will of course demand sterilization. As part of a daily cleaning cycle the house seals itself and becomes an autoclave. The building becomes pressurized and the temperature is raised to 270 degrees fahrenheit for 20 minutes. You'll probably wanna be gone when it happens.

The house now excretes all rubbish out the back, which needs to be shoveled into bags.

It will need regular trips to the vet.

It grows a tongue and cleans itself like a cat.

Granted. There is a faulty wire, and your house sets itself on fire. Every stain, cobweb, misplaced item, trash bin and general mess is now gone, along with everything else.

It only cleans when everyone is asleep a randomly reorganizes the entire house at random intervals and uses a different system every time

Granted. You are now half an inch tall and live inside a human being who showers daily.

Granted. It considers anything even remotely out of place to be a mess, even living things moving within it. It is very zealous about cleaning itself and instantly deposits any mess into a trash bin.

It will always miss a spot. Different each time so you don't always know where to find it.

Ever see that Soviet adaptation of There Will Come Soft Rains?

Granted. Everything where it is is now it's designated location. If it or anything else is out of place, it is removed.

Granted, your house cleans itself inside and out. However, it deems everything outside to be unclean and therefore a danger to it. It goes on a cleaning rampage that is only ended when the army blows it up. You are now homeless. Any home you own from now on will also clean itself in the same way.