Anon puts himself out there

pretending to be a girl online so that i can get just a little attention from a human being for once
talking to this guy, seems really sweet and we have a bunch of common interests
mfw i actually start to really care about this guy
he alludes to abandonment issues in his past
ohno.jpg
panic, tell him i have to go to bed
try to go to bed but can't sleep from guilt
can't bring myself to message him the truth that i am a girlpretender attention whore
decide just blocking him is the least painful option for both of us
am i a bad person?

YTA.
I bet everyone has pretended to be the opposite sex online. Maybe just for the giggles. But anyone who does that all the time, straight to hell.
- or straight to therapy and hopefully a trans supportive community haha (not that it would excuse catfishing)
- That's kind of a weird assumption. What qualifies as pretending? I don't think I have ever done that.
- I never have on purpose, but in games i like to play as female characters. This was very useful in runescape back in the mid-2000s. Desperate guys would just asume you were a girl IRL and give you free shit asking to be your boyfriend.
- I can't find the original source right now, but a study found that 50% of men pretended at least once in their lives to be women online, whereas 0% of women pretended to be men.
- Thanks for the suggestion. I never thought about it!
Dare I say, fake and gay?
- fake: anon has positive human interaction
  gay: there are no girls on the internet
We need a new community for Lemmy greentext

Just having a chill conversation with someone online.

They tell me that they've had their heart broken in the past and they're very sensitive.

mfw I had no idea this was a date is this person completely bonkers

that's okay, I'll be nice to you!
This you? 🧐
- I would absolutely say something like that while freaking out - even though this is online and I'm not in any danger

Because men don't have a strong enough social support system to have cathartic talks about their emotions. Because women aren't willing to disproportionately shoulder emotional labor anymore.

The patriarchy hurts everyone. Normalize discussing mental health among men. Don't let stigma stop you from telling your friends from how much they mean to you and how you're here if they need to talk.

Don't let stigma stop you
Fully recognizing that my initial reaction to the word "stigma" makes me part of the problem.
- stigma love and compassion into this relationship lmao gottem
The latest Modern Love episode is relevant
Where Did All My Male Friendships Go? https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/13/podcasts/male-friendships-loneliness.html
It doesn't overanalyze but covers one man's experience that I found relatable
Why is there always an assumption that women have support? Also, you really shouldn’t trauma dump on your friends either - they won’t be able to give you space and it may affect them emotionally. Go to a support group and share there.
- My (presumably) man, get better friends. If I can make a friend of mine feel better by listening to him, why wouldn't I? I may not know what to say, but I would try my best. The saddest (on an inter-personal level, not as in "the world is going to shit") thing I experienced recently was a friend of mine basically disappearing because of mental health issues. I think I understand why he did that, comparing yourself to others sucks, but I wish I could help him more than the occasional "hey, how are you doing?" when we randomly meet somewhere.
- There wasn't. I never said every woman always has support. I only said that men struggle with vocalizing mental health needs among their friends.
  If talking to your friends about trauma at the appropriate stage in your friendship is considered trauma dumping, I'm sorry to say that I'm afraid you don't have close friends.
  That, or you're coddling and patronizing your friends for lacking the emotional maturity to handle deeper conversations.
  True friendship comes from being comfortable with your vulnerabilities around your friends, and having each other's backs. A support group isn't a substitute because it's premise is transactional in nature, where you are expected to talk about and listen to trauma without attachment.

Too much crazy too fast. You gotta sit on that shit for a while, and then let it out slowly.

I got to "she has to go to bed" before I realised that this was all the same day.
Trauma dumping can be cathartic but perhaps maybe don't do it within the first two hours of having met someone. Also don't do it too much because your problems aren't there problems.
- It's definitely a third date or beyond activity. When I was single, I always asked third dates to compare their emotional baggage with me, but wouldn't discuss it in depth until later. We all have it, so might as well bring it out but not all of it at once. Better to savor the pain.
I guess wait until the afternoon or something then?

Unsolicited "good morning message" - is that what it's called now?

Never have I ever met someone real-life online 🍻

That's because online people aren't real. All paid actors and bots (sometimes both).
- Even the dogs are FBI agents
- ActorTron 5000
Well that's what 3D printers are for.
Those two worlds must not collide.
I did. Went hiking with a guy I met in an online game that turned out to live nearby. Pretty nice dude, I have to do that again some day.
The thing is, you never know. FBI agent? Serial murderer? Normal person?

Fake: There are no girls on the internet

Gay: OP was flirting with a man

Fake: OP was flirting with a raccoon
Gay: OP talks about feelings
- Way better, bravo
Too obvious and on the nose.
- Yeah I've let myself down here. Had a good streak going but I'll let someone else take the wheel for a while.

It was someone in China working for a game company trying to flirt with you to get you to sign up and play their game with them

NGL I do not miss keeping up with that shit. Its such a drag. Yet somehow waking up and saying good morning to someone is the shit.

online

There's your problem

Sometimes you gotta remember that everyone has their own shit going on, and it's a bit self-centered to assume, every time, that it has to do with you. Especially when it comes to online dating.

Her Boyfriend found the message and blocked him

homie needs to learn about talking to people in real life.

seems like you dodged a bullet?

The perils of being too online.

Maybe they only did that to hurt you. They bait you with a fake relationship.

Being at the stage where you assume everyone being nice to you is just setting you up for more pain sucks.

Just get used to rejection, until you become enlightened enough to realize that life is suffering and you only have value insofar as how useful/reliable to others you are.

Anyone telling you otherwise is stunting your growth.

This sounds like less of a truth and more like you are lashing out. Are you OK man?
- Not only that, but the upvotes. So at least 4 people agree. Are you all ok?
- or excusing poor behavior because of past pain. we're all responsible for our own actions.
- Bro has been hurt